


Behind the Porcelain Mask

by LolaLot



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 69,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1709834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaLot/pseuds/LolaLot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One more time, she has to hold herself together while she saves his life. Why did he do this? Did he not see that losing him would break her? After going through a war, losing so many loved ones and feeling Kakashi's life slip through her fingers, Sakura refuses to let it go. She would keep trying, until her last breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For Old Times' Sake

xxx

 

“Sakura?”

 

Turning away from the trees that lined the pavement, Sakura’s green eyes looked to Kakashi’s ever masked face.

 

“Yes, sensei?”

 

Kakashi stood still for a moment, his hands shoved into his pockets. Sakura was sitting on that same bench she’d been betrayed that night, watching the only road he could have taken on his way out the village. With her feet up on the bench and her arms around her legs, Sakura looked just as small as she had back then, two years ago, the night of his desertion.

 

“It’s lunch time.”

 

Sakura frowned, rubbing at her dry eyes. “I know.”

 

“Let’s have lunch together.”

 

Sakura’s frown remained, but then the lines in her forehead smoothed and she hesitated, until her lips parted in a small, shaky smile. “Okay.”

 

Kakashi smiled to himself as she walked to his side, looking down at her as he ruffled her hair. Sakura hated it, as always, and growled in anger. Then, he started walking, and Sakura remained behind him for a moment, before running to his side, strides in time with his.

 

“It’s sunny today,” Sakura said, a smile on her lips he didn’t know to look at to know was there.

 

xxx

 

Chapter One: For Old Times’ Sake

 

…

 

Sakura held her breath as she watched the four people around her, spine stiff. Kakashi stood directly across from her, leaning on Tsunade’s desk with his arm crossed on his chest. Even with the dog porcelain mask, he was so easy to recognize with his wild silver hair. The uniform looked foreign on him to her eyes, even if she had grown accustomed to seeing the friendly reminder of his past tattooed on his left shoulder from years of being his assigned medic. Only, today, the past was  now . Kakashi appeared taller, even slouched as he always, in the lighter ANBU attire. Kakashi was in ANBU now, not a decade and a half ago. 

 

“I don’t recognize her,” Kakashi finally said, head turned towards Tsunade and entirely ignoring the existence of Sakura. “I assume she has worthy skills if you suggest her?”

 

Sakura swallowed, brushing a strand of short, blonde hair behind her ear. The first part of the plan had succeeded. Kakashi didn’t immediately recognize her. 

 

“Who do you take me for?” Tsunade scoffed, leaning her palm heavily on the desk. “Suzuka here is one of our finest. Trained directly under mine and Sakura’s mentoring for the past seven years. If you don’t think she fits the bill for your team, then you’ll be without a medic.”

 

Kakashi nodded. “That would be unacceptable.”

 

“Indeed.” Tsunade tapped her fingernails on the wall, the sharp clicking reminding Sakura to stand straighter.

 

“Well,” Kakashi said, finally pushing himself into a full standing position. “Looks like we’ve found our winner.”

 

Sakura bowed, staring at her feet. “I will do you proud, Captain.”

 

“You’ll do us proud when you don’t let us bleed out in battle,” the first man on Kakashi’s left said, tone clipped. 

 

Sakura stood straight again. She didn’t recognize him, nor the other. He was only a tad taller than Kakashi, his brown hair reminding her of the Akimichi clan. Though, his frame wasn’t quite as large to be possibly one of them.

 

“Don’t be so snarky,” Kakashi chuckled. “This is Shokubai. He’s a bit rough around the edges, but you’ll see, he’s just a massive teddy bear.”

 

This was more familiar territory. Kakashi’s humor never changed.

 

“And this,” Kakashi leaned forward to motion towards their last teammate, “is Kunan.”

 

Kunan was quieter than both of them. Sakura didn’t know him either. With the porcelain mask covering his face, the only feature to be noted was his mid-length black hair, styled in a short ponytail with bangs that hung from his forehead. Silent and stoic as he was, Sakura already knew what to expect of him. She’d had plenty of experience with the silent and stoic types, after all.

 

“Suzuka, was it?” 

 

Sakura’s head whipped back to Kakashi and she nodded. “I assume you are Hatake Kakashi.”

 

Kakashi removed his dog mask, revealing his trademark smiling masked face. “It was that easy to guess?”

 

“The hair gives it away,” Sakura said quietly, flashing him a smile of her own. 

 

“It’s not bubblegum pink, at the very least,” Kakashi joked, replacing his mask. He turned to Tsunade, leaning his thighs on the desk again. “Is our mission ready?”

 

Tsunade nodded. “We received a report from Ame. A team stationed there heard rumors of an attack on the customs at the border between Ame and Suna. They seem to be sweeping this under the rug, as I’ve received no official report from them.”

 

Brows bunched in thought, Tsunade stepped closer to her desk to retrieve envelopes. Distributing them to the team, she continued, “You’ll go there, as tourists. See what you can find out about this attack without revealing our involvement.”

 

“But Ame is part of Fire Country, now,” Sakura said, frowning. Ever since the end of the war and the death of Ame’s former leader, Ame had been appropriated by the Fire Country, due to Pein’s defeat at the hands of Naruto. They were mostly left to their own devices and managed to the country by themselves still, though. “Why would it be abnormal for Konoha to investigate?”

 

“Don’t be so naive,” Kakashi cut in, riffling through the papers in the envelope. “Our acquisition of Ame is controversial at best. Whoever perpetrated the crime, it’s best if they believe Konoha is left in the dark of such going-ons.”

 

“What do you think happened?” Shokubai asked, leaning over Kakashi’s shoulder to read his papers. He pushed aside his mask for a better view and Sakura could see its design clearer now. A porcupine. “The report says the border was attacked, but not from which side. I can see Ame protesting Suna’s nth raise of taxes. No wonder they wouldn’t be reporting this.”

 

Tsunade handed Sakura her envelope at last. Sakura didn’t lose time to open it up. Skimming over the text, Sakura found it was mostly comprised of information surrounding the area they were scouting. A few maps and a sheet with their directions completed the pile.

 

Kunan was already stuffing the sheets back in the envelope. “Then Suna should report the attack within days.”

 

“Whichever it is,” Tsunade interrupted, her honey eyes severe even in the dim lighting of dawn, “I’m not going to waste time to see who comes forward first. You leave this afternoon. Find out what you can in the meantime.”

 

“Understood,” Kakashi said, folding the envelope so it would fit in his pants pocket. “We’ll meet at the west exit in three hours. Follow the instructions in the envelope.”

 

Shokubai and Kunan nodded and left the room, not acknowledging Sakura any further. Kakashi stayed behind for a moment, standing at Sakura’s side. 

 

“Don’t mind them,” he said, encouraging. He laid a heavy palm on her shoulder and smiled under his mask. “If Sakura trained you, I’m sure you’re not as frail as you look.”

 

Sakura nodded, slipping her mask over her face to hide her embarrassment. 

 

Once Kakashi had left, Tsunade stepped closer to her, removing Sakura’s snake mask. “Don’t make me regret this, Sakura,” she said, running a hand through Sakura’s blonde hair. 

 

“I won’t, shishou,” Sakura said, confident smile on her lips. “I’m the best medic they could have.”

 

“Blonde doesn’t fit you,” Tsunade chuckled, toying with a strand. “Leave that to Ino next time.”

 

“I have to go get ready.” Sakura slipped her mask back on, rearranging the black and grey clothes that still felt so strange to her. “Everything will be just fine.”

 

Tsunade nodded, worry still shining in her light eyes, though she didn’t try to hold Sakura back. Tsunade trusted Sakura and her ability to make the right choice, unlike Kakashi. He would learn to trust her now.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

“These kinds of missions are the worst,” Kunan said, running a hand through his black hair to keep it from flying into his face again. The winds truly were annoying today. “It’ll take at least two days to get to Ame this way.”

 

“Already whining?” Shokubai laughed, nudging Kunan’s shoulder with his own. As  tourists , they didn’t get the luxury of running through the trees. Sakura didn’t mind the slow walk, for once. Fire Country was beautiful. “We’ve just been walking for an hour.”

 

“Settle down, kids,” Kakashi said. He led the way as he always did, a few paces away from them on the dirt road. “The train is only another three hours away.”

 

“I’m the one who’s supposed to say that,” Shokubai chuckled, throwing an arm over Sakura’s shoulders. “Eh, dear daughter?”

 

Sakura only threw him a venomous glare, to which he laughed. As part of their mission, they had taken on false identities. Shokubai, being Kakashi’s elder by almost by a whole decade, best fit the description to act as her father. Kunan was her betrothed and Kakashi her older brother. Unlike Shokubai, Kakashi could pass as much younger, with or without the mask. 

 

The oddest part of it all had to be Kakashi’s dyed hair. The silver mess was now a brown mess. No improvement there. The clothes were still as baggy, the headband replaced by a patch. The mask was gone. Even as a civilian, he couldn’t look normal.

 

“Don’t stare at him that way,” Kunan said from her side, leaning in close so she could feel his breath on her cheeks. Kunan, though, had no trouble there. He knew how to brush his hair and look acceptable to most people’s standards. “I could get jealous, love.”

 

Sakura scoffed and shoved him away, though he was quick to recover and walk too close to her again. “You’re not my husband just yet.”

 

“All the same,” Kunan said, a wicked smile on his lips. 

 

Sakura’s throat dried up for a moment, the sight of Kunan almost too familiar. The black hair, the black eyes, even his personality reminded her…

 

“Now you’re more convincing,” he said, nodding in approval. “Now walk faster.”

 

Sakura rolled her eyes, skipping forward to walk by Kakashi’s side. Immediately, Kakashi ruffled her hair and she growled in frustration, swatting his hand away. “You too, really?”

 

Over her shoulder, Sakura peeked back at Kunan. His black eyes were staring back at her, unaffected. Sakura frowned and looked ahead at the road. Her feet were already aching from her wrong choice of shoes and she didn’t need another reason to kick herself. 

 

“Don’t worry,” Kakashi said, his smile an unusual sight without his blue mask. “Soon enough you’ll have proved yourself and everything will be fine.”

 

Those words, Sakura had already heard them. So many times. From Kakashi himself, from Tsunade, from Shizune, from so many more… Over and over until the war and she finally unleashed the results of three years’ incessant training. Then, she had proved her worth. Going back so far was disheartening, to say the least. Regardless, Sakura grit her teeth and endured it.

 

“I’ve heard that so many times,” she mumbled, looking away from Kakashi. 

 

When Kakashi didn’t reply, Sakura turned back to him, on her toes immediately. Kakashi’s gaze lingered too long, and Sakura knew she’d given too much away. He had doubts already. He knew her far too well to not recognize her. 

 

“You should grow your hair out,” Kakashi said after a moment. “You’d be prettier.”

 

Already, he was looking for more clues. Sakura ran a hand through her blonde locks, the wig shorter than her hair but not by so much. “I was thinking about it.”

 

She was too self-conscious of her answer. Acting had never been her forte. 

 

“I second that,” Kunan said, suddenly at her side, his fingers running through her hair. “Long hair would fit you much better.”

 

“What’s with all the comments on my looks now?” Sakura growled, slapping Kunan’s hand away when he tried to touch her hair again. “Do I tell you how to shave your fucking face?”

 

“Suzuka!” Shokubai reprimanded, a few steps behind them. “Watch your mouth!”

 

“I’m a grown woman,  daddy ,” Sakura spat, craning her neck to look behind her. Shokubai had his hands on his hips, feigning indignation. “Don’t tell me what to do anymore.”

 

“I’m going to regret marrying you,” Kunan sighed, shaking his head. “Won’t I?”

 

Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder, much less invasive than the two other men. “Such a way to talk about my little sister.”

 

Sakura groaned and hung her head. This would be a long, long trip.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

Sakura was all too happy to crash into bed that night. The train ride had been as long and boring as the trek. Her legs ached, something that would forever baffle her. She could train and run for hours on end, but walking was more painful somehow. Even with all her medical knowledge, the body retained secrets from her. 

 

“Don’t hog it all to yourself,” Kunan said from her side, shedding his heavy sweater. Under it, he wore the same muscle shirt as Kakashi. Standard jonin clothes. “I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

 

How Sakura missed the days of being a small child. Back in her genin days, Sakura would always sleep in her own bed on missions, Kakashi favoring a couch or the floor for her own comfort. Guilt nagged at her, now, for making him so uncomfortable, but the thought was appreciated. 

 

“I’ll take all the space I want,” Sakura mumbled. “That’s how married life is.”

 

Kunan dropped into bed besides her, stretching his limbs. “It goes both ways then.”

 

Splayed over the bed, he took a lot more space than her, weighing down her torso and legs with the leg and arm he laid over her. Sakura groaned and rolled out of bed. Sleeping in her day clothes was an option, but she decided not to opt for it. Winter clothes were too cumbersome to sleep in, for someone like Sakura who always hated wearing more than the bare minimum to bed. She kept her back to Kunan as she changed, feeling his eyes on her for a moment only. 

 

When she flipped the light switch off and returned to bed, he rolled on his side. “Can you set the alarm?” 

 

“How long do you take to get ready?” Kunan asked, his hands fumbling in the dark for the antiquated item that served as an alarm clock. 

 

“The same as you,” Sakura grumbled, slipping under the covers. The inn was was priced cheaply; heating wasn’t their priority, accordingly. 

 

“If you say so.” 

 

The alarm set, he followed her under the blanket, lying on his back. Sakura’s toes brushed against one of his legs. His pant leg had ridden up and his coarse hair tickled her somewhat Over the years, Sakura had gone on many missions. Yet, she had been on few missions without Kakashi. He was always there to watch over her, always the one to share a room or bed with her. Closing her eyes, Sakura reminded herself that she was a grown kunoichi. Sharing a bed with a teammate, male or female, was nothing out of the ordinary.

 

“Why are you so tense?”

 

“I’m not,” Sakura said, the sound muffled by her pillow.

 

“Right,” Kunan answered, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

 

Sakura frowned, burying her head further in her pillow to ignore him better. Still, even after a long while like this, she found herself still awake. Kunan was as well, if she could trust his uneven breathing. 

 

“Do you often share a bed with female teammates?” Sakura asked, too curious not to ask. Or perhaps trying to validate herself. “On missions, I mean.”

 

“Not often,” Kunan said, clearly as awake as she was. “My teams have almost always been men exclusively.”

 

Sakura hummed. Unable to see Kunan in the darkness of the room, she could hear the rustling of his hair and pillow when he turned his head towards her. 

 

“I take it you’re not used to this.” Though he spoke evenly, Sakura could feel the mockery behind his tone. “How old are you?”

 

“That’s none of your business,” Sakura said, turning on her side to face away from him. “I’m used to it, if you will. I just had the luck of always being on missions with the same teammate.”

 

“That’s how it was for me as well.” Kunan’s voice was softer, the change only a subtle one. Sakura guessed he had been on few times, like her. Until things changed. “Before I joined ANBU.”

 

“Why did you join?”

 

Sakura could feel Kunan stiffen behind her. 

 

“My team was killed,” he finally said, his tone the trained indifference that one perfected when they were too well acquainted with death. Most shinobi affected this voice with ease. “ANBU was a new start.”

 

“Why do you think Kakashi joined ANBU?” Sakura knew the question was odd, but she had to ask. She rolled again to face Kunan, expecting. Certainly, Kakashi wouldn’t truthfully answer her, but maybe his teammate. “He still had teammates.”

 

“Kakashi doesn’t talk much, besides the fooling around.” Kunan shrugged. “That’s a question you should ask his sidekick, that girl he always went on missions with before ANBU. Sakura, was it? She was your mentor?”

 

Sakura spread her legs a little, the balled up position she had adopted becoming too uncomfortable. Her calf brushed against Kunan’s, but he seemed to remain oblivious to it. It was an odd thing to share a bed with someone new. After years of this with Kakashi, she always knew how he slept. There were no surprise brushes and touches. Only habit.

 

When she didn’t answer, Kunan asked again, “How old are you?”

 

“Why do you want to know?” Sakura mumbled. 

 

“I’ll tell you my age if you tell me yours.” He rolled on his side to face her, one of his knee now on top of her thigh. The bed was too small for two strangers, but not for a couple. “Fair deal.”

 

“Twenty-six.”

 

“I’d guessed a few years younger,” he said, pensive. “It must be the hair.”

 

“So, how old are you?” Sakura prodded, hugging the blanket to her chest. “We had a deal.”

 

“I have no such memory,” Kunan replied, his teeth visible through his smirk. 

 

“You liar,” Sakura growled, reaching between them to slap Kunan’s shoulder. “You promised, now tell me.”

 

“One day, maybe,” Kunan chuckled, shifting to lie on his back. 

 

Sakura frowned and held her upper body up on her elbow, using her other hand to slap Kunan’s exposed shoulder again. He jumped in surprise, grabbing her wrist before she could continue her assault.

 

“You’re a violent one,” he said, laughing.

 

“You’re making me,” Sakura huffed. 

 

“Am I?” he chuckled, rolling over to pin Sakura’s wrist to her pillow, beside her head. Though it was still dark, Sakura’s eyes had begun to adjust and she could still him smiling. She could hear him breathing, too, as it was the only sound in the room. The night was quiet tonight. “I can be like that too. Are you going to make me?”

 

Sakura scoffed indignantly, keeping her strength in check and letting Kunan believe he had the upper hand. His upper body hovered above hers, a respectable distance away. “That would be to easy.”

 

Kunan laughed, leaning down to whisper in Sakura’s ear. “I’m twenty-nine.” He placed a brief, chaste kiss to her temple and moved away from her, retreating to his half of the bed. “Now let’s get some sleep, love. Unless you prefer to keep me awake all night.”

 

“You couldn’t handle it,” Sakura scoffed, spreading her legs to hog more of the bed, disregarding how her leg pressed against his. “Sweet dreams,  love .”

 

“Sweet dreams,” he chuckled.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

Ame’s weather had never friendly. Constant rains and frequent thunderstorms had always made its terrain a harsh one to journey through. Today was no different, though the violence of nature was mild. Sakura pulled the hood of her cloak closer to her face, warding off the heavy raindrops pelting her. At the border, the clouds weren’t quite as angry.

 

“Captain,” Sakura called, waving to Kakashi. “Here.”

 

Kakashi jogged over to her, where she stood in a large hole in the wall of the customs building. It turned out the attack had been a bombing. No jutsu to possibly leave a recognizable trace such as Kakashi’s raikiri would leave. 

 

“What did you find?”

 

“Powder,” Sakura said, rubbing some between her gloved fingers to show Kakashi. “I’m no explosive expert, but someone like Kenshi might figure something out from the mix of residues left in this. A recipe of some sort that would leave a signature.”

 

“Kenshi?” Kakashi asked, searching for a face. 

 

“In the BUA division,” Sakura replied without a thought. The biological and unstable arms division was all too familiar to her, thanks to her expertise in poison. “He’s the lead developer for Konoha’s next-generation explosive weapons.”

 

“I see.”

 

While Sakura bent out to scoop some of the powder in a plastic bag, Kakashi reached for her neck. Before she could swat his hand away, Kakashi had already found what he was searching for. The small vial of poison she kept hidden there, hooked right to her skin, for desperate times. 

 

“I knew it.”

 

Sakura stood back up, dusting herself. “Of course you did.”

 

“Keep searching,” Kakashi said, biting back anger. His arms were stiff at his sides, but his face showed little more than neutrality. “We need to be out of here before sunrise.”

 

Sakura nodded and walked away from him. There was no use tormenting each other until they had time to talk privately. Shokubai wasn’t long to join her.

 

“Did you find something?” he asked, going through a pile of rubble that hadn’t quite been picked through yet. Even with his flashlight, he seemed to be struggling to see anything.

 

“Powder,” Sakura answered, kicking a few rocks away. “From the explosive they used to blow this part up.”

 

It was hard to even tell where the attack had begun or come from. Both Ame and Suna’s sides seemed to have been hit evenly. 

 

“Suzuka,” Kunan called, from the other side of the room they were searching.

 

Sakura jogged over to where he was leaning over a corpse, covering her mouth and nose with her shirt to keep out the putrefying smell. “What is it?”

 

Kunan nodded towards the corpse, also covering his face. No amount of time around corpses immunized to that stench. “No external wounds. You’re the medic.”

 

Sakura nodded and kneeled by the corpse, her glowing hands hovering the body. Indeed, there were no external wounds, or at the very least, none severe enough to pose a risk to life. Blood clearly dripped from its nose and mouth, signaling an internal wound that she was quick to find. Kakashi and Shokubai stood at her sides, watching like hawks.

 

“Damage to the heart, left lung and pancreas. Puncture wounds to the heart and lung. Cause of death, cardiac arrest. Insufficient blood reaching the heart.”

 

“Puncture wounds?” Shokubai asked, frowning. “From what?”

 

Sakura remained silent, jaw tight.

 

“That’s Sakura’s technique,” Kakashi finally said, stiff. “Isn’t it?”

 

Sakura nodded. “Hokage-sama’s, to be precise. She only perfected it. This version is subpar, to say the least.”

 

It was no secret that the crib of modern ninja medicine was Konoha, stemming from no other than Tsunade. From there, it dripped down to Shizune and her poisons; and Sakura and her combat-adapted knowledge of chakra control. Sakura had taught the new generation how to manipulate chakra the way Tsunade had learned to, though only in order to heal. It had been a gift between nations to celebrate the peace between the nations ensuing the war.

 

“I’m not quite following,” Shokubai said, watching Kakashi and Sakura’s grave faces. 

 

It was only natural for Shokubai to be confused. Few ninja spread the secrets of their techniques. Teammates might be lucky to, due to having to fight together, but the vast majority were kept in the dark. 

 

“At the end of the war,” Kunan started, “it was agreed that Tsunade’s apprentice would teach children from every nation her medical ninjutsu. The technique to manipulate chakra in order to alter the body. It’s my understanding that this apprentice adapted the technique further to make it a lethal jutsu, though this part wasn’t shared.”

 

“I remember,” Shokubai said, nodding. “Most of the kids were from Suna.”

 

Kunan nodded. Lips tight, Sakura glanced down at the corpse again. One of her students had, perhaps, started to try and mimic her technique and killed this man. 

 

“Keep searching,” Kakashi barked, startling his teammates. “We’re not done yet.”

 

They nodded, returning to searching the piles of rubble. Sakura would ponder over this later. The building had been hit hard, too much to remain functional, although most of it was still intact. This particular building processed the incoming and outgoing cargo trains between Suna and Ame, verifying their goods and receiving tax payments on said cargo. It went without saying that most of the trains were bound towards Suna. Suna exported little; they had to import everything.

 

Sakura sighed to herself, rubbing a hand down her face. She was tired of the masquerade already. Kakashi already knew who she was. Still, there was no use destabilizing the team in the middle of a mission. She would tell them the truth soon enough. It would be a relief when she didn’t have to maintain a genjutsu anymore.

 

“You were useful after all,” Shokubai said, breaking Sakura from her thoughts. “Little Suzuka might be worth the trouble after all.”

 

“What trouble?” Sakura scoffed. 

 

“Women are always trouble,” Shokubai chuckled, helping Sakura move a particularly large chunk of wall. 

 

Sakura kneeled down to inspect what littered the floor under it. “And men are little miracle-making fucking angels.”

 

Shokubai laughed, his voice deep and gravelly. “I don’t think I’ve ever quite seen such a mouth on a woman.”

 

“Get used to it,” Sakura spat, picking up a dead bug, but recognizing it as a native to Ame -- a familiar bug she often used to extract a particular molecule from for poison. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“They all say that.” Shokubai picked up a rock, finding some interest in it. “Then when the going gets tough, they run back home crying; they can’t handle this life.”

 

“I’d love to see you tell that to Tsunade-sama.” Sakura smirked, imagining just how Tsunade would break walls with his body. “If you have the balls to.”

 

“You might be proud of your teacher, kiddo,” Shokubai said, shaking his head, “but she’s the first culprit. You seem to forget she abandoned Konoha for decades after her boyfriend’s death. Woman couldn’t stomach the sight of blood anymore.”

 

Sakura stilled. She had been too young then to hear of Tsunade’s desertion. She had learned about it, hearing of her struggles through Kakashi. It had never occurred to Sakura that Tsunade had once been weak, too weak to even follow her teammates anymore. 

 

“Say what you want,” Sakura spat, wiping the doubt from her face. “She’s saved the village from certain death.”

 

That was the truth. Konoha wouldn’t have survived Pein’s attack without Tsunade’s intervention. Tsunade had made a great sacrifice for it; there was no telling how many years she had cut from her life in order to do so.

 

Shokubai didn’t bother replying, instead preferring to go search for clues elsewhere where Sakura wouldn’t offend his sight. Sakura focused on the task at hand. Their duties came first and foremost, long before pettiness such as this. Sakura had long proved her strength and soon they would know.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

At the end of the night, before their return to their inn in Ame, Kakashi had sent one of his dogs to deliver a message to Tsunade. Before the end of the next day, he would be back with her response and their next orders. Uhei was Kakashi’s fastest dog and never failed to live up to his reputation.

 

“Don’t fall asleep, sweetheart,” Kunan said, poking Sakura’s forearm with his chopsticks.

 

Sakura snapped back into a straight sitting position, not realizing how much she had let herself slip until now. Dinner had been before her for several minutes already, but she found little appetite. “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well, I guess.”

 

Of course, they hadn’t slept at all. They would be lucky to sleep a full night tonight.

 

“Eat,” Kakashi cut in, tone dry. 

 

Sakura nodded, obeying promptly. Kakashi had done his best to ignore her presence since he had confirmed her identity. Waiting until they had a moment alone to settle it was torture. 

 

“What’s gotten between you two?” Kunan asked, frowning. He stabbed his chopsticks in his bowl of race and reclined in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ve been looking on the verge of tearing each other to shreds since last night.”

 

“Just a dandy sibling quarrel,” Sakura said flippantly, raising her chopsticks to amplify the effect. Flashing Kakashi, a smile, she cocked her head and offered him the sweetest look she could muster.  “Isn’t it, brother?”

 

Kakashi’s blood was no doubt boiling under his skin. And Sakura knew she was right when he put down his bowl of rice just a tad too hard on the table. “Exactly,  sister .”

 

“I don’t know what it is,” Kunan said, grimacing, “but something between you two is beyond  weird .”

 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Sakura said mimicking Kunan’s usual syrupy tone whenever he used the affectionate nickname. She laced her arms around his left arm, leaning down to look up at him through her lashes. “He’s just jealous he’s not the one getting married.”

 

Kunan barely frowned, before giving into her game. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and brought his chopsticks to his mouth. “Let’s just finish dinner already.”

 

They did, quickly. Everyone was all too glad to return to their rooms, though Uhei’s presence cut their hopes for rest short. Kakashi bent down to retrieve the scroll from his neck. Uhei whined, wagging his tail and cockting his tail. Chuckling, Kakashi pulled a treat from his jacket pocket and threw it in the air. Uhei barked, as enthusiastic as ever, and jumped, trapping the piece of dried meat between his jaws before he disappeared in a poof of smoke.

 

“What’s the plan?” Shokubai asked, watching Kakashi as he read the message. 

 

Kakashi took a moment to read and reread before burning the paper. “We’re heading to Suna first thing in the morning. Suna sent report of the attack, claiming it to be from Ame. We’re to go give them a false report of our findings.”

 

“I thought Tsunade-shishou didn’t want anyone to know about this investigation?” Sakura said, frowning. “Why all the cover-up if we’re just going to tell them?”

 

“They came forward with the report,” Kakashi said evenly, sidestepping just enough to show her his profile. “This changes our plan. We’ll cooperate with them to see what we can find on their side.”

 

“I take it Ame is still hiding it, then?” Kunan asked, hands on his hips. 

 

Kakashi nodded. “It’s a mystery why, though they’ll be forced to come forward at one point or another.”

 

“We should go sleep, then,” Sakura said, swallowing a yawn. They would have plenty of time tomorrow to argue over who the culprit was. “We’ll need to be rested to travel all the way to Suna in a single day. We’ll want to be presentable for Kazekage-sama.”

 

Kakashi nodded again, and nobody lost time to obey. It was always a welcome event when you were ordered to sleep as much as you could. As she was following Kunan to their room, Sakura didn’t miss the way Kakashi’s glare lingered on her. It was not often that Kakashi lost. This time, he had, and at his game no less. Sakura would not feel guilty for leaving him in the dark a little longer. He deserved every second of it after what he had done to her.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 


	2. Play our Game Again

xxx

 

“Kakashi-sensei?”

 

Kakashi flipped to the next page of his Icha Icha book, not needing to peek at Sakura to know the look on her face. “Hmm?”

 

Sakura would be angry, there, lying on the grass next to him. 

 

Propping herself on her elbows, she inched closer. “Everyone says you’re a perv for always reading those dirty books in public.”

 

“So they say.”

 

Tentatively, she pulled on his sleeve. “That can’t be all there is to it. Why do you do it?”

 

It was a second before Kakashi answered, a pause to allow him to consider his strategies. “Here, read it. You’re smart, aren’t you? Try and figure it out.”

 

Sakura snatched the book he handed her, almost making him laugh. Sakura was always a demure girl, until all eyes were off her.

 

Kakashi let her read in peace for a moment, eye up at the sky to follow the cloud’s sluggish movements.

 

“It’s just sappy porn,” she finally said, whacking his shoulder with the book.

 

Kakashi laughed, retrieving his property.

 

“It distracts,” Sakura said after a short pause. “It’s shocking and people look at the book more than they do you.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“You’re really a perv, though.”

 

Kakashi laughed again, watching the raucous grin she flashed him. 

 

xxx

 

Chapter Two: Play Our Game Again 

 

…

Sakura sighed as she watched herself in the mirror hung to the door. The inn hadn’t changed overnight, of course; it was still a crummy inn. There was little to complain about when you had a decent night’s sleep, though. In the mirror, Sakura examined her reflection. Blonde, loose hair and brown eyes that were unfamiliar to her. Features she didn’t possess shaped her face; high cheekbones she’d once wished to have, thin lips she had always hated on other women, even larger breasts she still coveted today. With a simple hand sign, all of it disappeared. Kunan still slept behind her, on the bed. He would have a shock when he woke up. Looking back in the mirror, Sakura saw herself. The pink hair pulled into a ponytail and the loose strands that framed her face were a much better fit than the blonde color. 

 

Sakura ran her fingers on her cheeks, inspecting her now rounder cheeks. Her facial features had always remained young. She would never grow out of them, it seemed. Only the full lips and made-up eyes gave her a womanly allure. Slowly, her hand lowered to her neck and her stomach. Her breasts had grown somewhere in her late teens, though still nowhere as impressive as Ino’s. They were respectable, at least. Where Sakura felt confident was when she looked to the waist and below. A flat, taut stomach that even female ninjas envied. Flared hips with just the perfect curve. Her frame had always remained small and childish -- she measured barely five feet four even into adulthood -- but had been blessed with long and shapely legs.

 

A small sound broke Sakura out of her thoughts and she spun on her heels to see Kunan jumping out of bed, reaching for his weapons.

 

“Kunan,” Sakura called, raising her hands in defense. “It’s me.”

 

“Suzuka?” Kunan frowned, nonetheless clutching his katana. “Wait,” he said, recognition flashing in his dark eyes. The tension in his shoulders lessened and he deflated somewhat, though he remained defensive. “You’re Hokage-sama’s apprentice. That girl we were talking about yesterday.”

 

Sakura nodded. Honestly, she did feel guilty for deceiving him and Shokubai, but there had been no other choice. 

 

Kunan lowered his weapon, replacing it in its sheath. “Do you mind explaining this?”

 

“It’s a long story,” Sakura sighed. “I had to. That’s all I can say.”

 

Kunan took a moment to weigh his options, then nodded. “What’s your name already? Sakura, was it?”

 

Sakura nodded and bowed to Kunan, smiling awkwardly. “It’s nice to meet you, Kunan.”

 

“I knew there was something about you.” Kunan smirked, approaching her. He tipped her chin up with two of his fingers, his wicked grin back into place. “Energy too wild to be a nobody.”

 

Sakura straightened up again, wishing she could hide the darkening of her cheeks. Before she could reply, a knock sounded from the door. 

 

“Come in,” Kunan called.

 

Kakashi and Shokubai entered the room. Kakashi only froze briefly when he saw Sakura. He, too, had gone back to his normal appearance.

 

“You’re -- “

 

Kakashi quickly interrupted Shokubai. “This is Sakura. She had to disguise herself. Now on to more pressing business.”

 

Shokubai frowned, obviously still confused, but he didn’t argue. 

 

“Are you all already to leave?”

 

Kunan and Sakura nodded. Kakashi motioned for them to follow them outside. Kunan shouldered his backpack and slipped his weapons back in their holsters. Before he crossed the threshold of the door, he threw Sakura a smirk. Sakura followed in silence after Shokubai, burning under his glare. 

 

“If we travel at a moderate pace, we should reach Suna by the evening,” Kakashi said, leading them outside. “That’s how we’ll go about it. Pace yourselves.”

 

Under his directions, Sakura recognized the warning. Conserve energy. Expect the unexpected. Whoever attacked the border was still out there and their motives were yet unknown.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Immediately, the team broke out in a run, no obstacles in their way since they had slept on the outskirts of the city. Shokubai settled into place besides Kakashi, several feet ahead. Sakura could hear him speak clearly.

 

“Is she going to slow us down?”

 

“No,” Kakashi replied dryly.

 

Sakura smiled to herself. Although Sakura could stand on her own merits, having Kakashi back her gave a substantial boost to her credibility. The beginning of her career had depended on it -- and Tsunade’s word -- but what she had achieved was all thanks to her hard work. The changes she had brought to the healthcare system in their village were beyond what anyone else had ever achieved. Sakura had been a more willing teacher than Tsunade had ever been. With Shizune’s help, they had raised the next generation of medics and they didn’t disappoint. A decade’s worth of work had drastically increased survival rate and efficiency in the hospital, as well as in field work. 

 

“That technique, yesterday,” Kunan said from her side, keeping his voice low so their conversation remained private. “That’s the one you perfected then. You only taught it to Konoha nin?”

 

Sakura nodded, watching the way the grass was swept back by the air they disturbed. “Only to our most promising students. It’s impossible to master without absolute control over your chakra.”

 

“I’ve heard of them.” Kunan looked ahead, dark eyes serious. “Combat-oriented medics. They say they’re very useful on the field.”

 

“They are,” Sakura said, unable to keep from smirking. 

 

“I assume you’ll show us just how useful soon enough?” Kunan mirrored her smirk, his expression one every ninja knew very well.

 

The anticipation of facing an enemy or having the occasion to watch them display their skills. Seeing by your own eyes what one was capable of -- and then wondering how you would measure against them.

 

“I’ll spar with you,” Sakura offered. She’d had the itch for a while, already. Kunan would be as good as any other. “When we’re back home, if you want to.”

 

“Don’t accept that,” Kakashi interrupted, slowing down to join them. “Now stop chatting and follow us, you’re falling behind.”

 

Sakura’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, noticing Shokubai really was a good distance ahead of them. Kakashi ran ahead to catch up. Kunan followed quickly, his gaze remaining on Sakura, a hint of excitement for the coming days in them. Biting the inside of her lip, Sakura followed, settling besides him again.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

By the time they had reached Suna, it was dark. Their pace had been slowed further by a mild sandstorm. Though very annoying, it hadn’t proved a great obstacle to their travels. Ahead of his squad, Kakashi discussed with the guards. Their arrival was expected and it wasn’t long before one of them recognized Kakashi and sent for their welcome party.

 

“Shikamaru!” Sakura called the moment he climbed out of Suna’s wall. 

 

“Sakura-chan,” He greeted, returning her embrace when she crashed into him. He stumbled back a few steps, but remained solid on his feet regardless. “It’s been a long time.”

 

“A long time?” Sakura frowned, glancing up at his face. The years had been kind to him; he was pretty handsome, now. “You call two years a long time? You need to visit more often. We miss you.”

 

“I’m kept busy here,” Shikamaru said, placing his hands on Sakura’s shoulders to distance himself. Two years hadn’t made him anymore affectionate, though. “You could visit too.”

 

“I’m always too busy myself,” Sakura muttered, and it was the truth. If there were no patients in the hospital -- which, of course, never happened -- then there were stacks upon stacks of paperwork. She usually skipped it for training with Kakashi, but that was besides the point. “With the hospital and all.”

 

“So I hear.” Shikamaru nodded, then turned to the rest of the squad, never one to forget business. He led them down the cliff and into Suna. “Kazekage-sama will receive you tomorrow in the morning. We’ve already prepared your sleeping arrangements. I suppose this poses no trouble?”

 

Kakashi shook his head, falling besides Sakura. “Not at all. We could use the rest.”

 

“Of course. Follow me.”

 

Running atop the rooftops of Suna always left Sakura disappointed, somewhat. In Konoha, she saw far in the horizon. She could even see the Hokage Monument clearly. In Suna, you could only see the edges of the cliff they were hidden in. It was barren. What caught Sakura’s eyes, though, was the civilians truding through the streets below them. A decade ago, she recalled seeing more life in Suna, under Gaara’s leadership.

 

Gaara had been a good leader -- the best Suna could have had. Really, Sakura had done her best to treat him when his heart began to gave out, but it had been hopeless. There was nothing medical ninjutsu could do against genetic mess ups and a rough life. 

 

Before long, Shikamaru came to a halt in front of a building siding the Kage tower. He led them inside and down the hallways. 

 

“These four rooms,” Shikamaru said, pointing to the last four, “are yours. Food and refreshments will be served at demand downstairs. Give your name to the servers when you order. It’s on the house.”

 

“Fancy,” Shokubai said, huffing as he placed his hands on his hips. “I’ll take you up on that.”

 

Shikamaru smirked, scoffing. “Of course you will. I’ll show myself to my own bed now, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Of course,” Kakashi said, extending a hand that Shikamaru didn’t hesitate to shake. “Apologies for the delay.”

 

“This is Hatake Kakashi we were expecting,” Shikamaru chuckled. “Delays were accounted for.”

 

Kakashi laughed, scratching the back of his head. “My reputation follows me.”

 

“Ah, but Shikamaru-kun,” Sakura called when Shikamaru turned the leave, hurrying to his side to tug on his sleeve. “We’ll have time to catch up, won’t we?” 

 

“I’ll make time for it,” he said, waving to her as he walked away. “Good night, Sakura-chan.”

 

Kakashi lost no time to claim one of the rooms, as did Shokubai. Kunan, on the hand, remained behind with her and took her hand in his, smirking. “Are we still sharing a room, sweetheart ?”

 

“How rude,” Sakura laughed. “Propositioning a woman other than your betrothed.”

 

“Kind of sucks when your fiancée doesn’t exist,” Kunan chuckled, turning to go into his own room. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

 

“Good night,” Sakura said, waiting for him to close the door before she headed for Kakashi’s room.

 

He wasn’t surprised when she walked in, not even bothering to knock. Immediately, Kakashi walked closer to her. 

 

“Kakashi -- “

 

Kakashi’s hands were already on her shirt, pulling the sleeve down and ripping the seam in his carelessness. 

 

“Kakashi-senpai!” Sakura yelped, trying to swat his hands away but he was having none of it.

 

Kakashi’s eyes were fixed on her left shoulder -- more specifically on the black insignia of ANBU. “Why did you lie to me?”

 

“I didn’t lie to you -- “

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi barked. Sakura started, shrinking under his scrutiny. “ Answer the question .”

 

Sakura frowned, ignoring the burning friction when he dragged his thumb against her skin too roughly. A vain attempt to smear the ink. “You  know why!”

 

“I know why?” Kakashi replied incredulously, shoving her shoulder into the wall. “So I wouldn’t have the chance to stop you from making such a grotesque mistake?”

 

“So you wouldn’t -- “ Sakura scoffed indignantly. Shaking his hand off her shoulder, she stepped closer to him, tipping her chin up to look him at him in defiance. “Listen to yourself! How ridiculous you can be, senpai!”

 

“Me? Ridiculous” Kakashi spat, cornering her against the wall. Sakura backed into slowly, laying her palms flat against it. “Look who’s speaking. ANBU -- with  your responsibilities!”

 

“Oh, don’t you lecture me!” Sakura growled, struggling to keep the volume of her voice in check. She shoved him back to distance herself, but Kakashi was quick to react and keep her trapped where he wanted her, pinning her wrists to the sides of her head. “I  know my responsibilities. And guess what. You’re one of my fucking responsibilities!”

 

“I am?” Kakashi said flippantly, pointing to himself. “Remind me who’s the mentor here. Remind me who has genins back home and a whole hospital resting on her shoulders.”

 

“My duties at the hospital are taken care of,” Sakura defended, tempted to knock her forehead into his when he leaned in too close. “Shizune and Tsunade are making up for my absence. They’re training Umeboshi to step in my place once the time comes -- like I was before I came here. And my  genins ?  They’ve been chuunin for weeks!”

 

Kakashi frowned at the last bit of information. 

 

Sakura didn’t let him recover. “I wonder why you didn’t know that, huh? Maybe because you couldn’t be bothered to watch their exam. Maybe because you ended up landing yourself in a semi-coma before I ever had the chance to tell you!”

 

“This is part of the risks of what we do -- “

 

“I  know that!” Sakura screeched, fighting her hands free to shove Kakashi’s shoulders back. He stepped back and she followed him, unrelenting. “But ANBU is a whole other level. You know how I know that? You’re flipping out that I joined! It’s too dangerous for me, but not for you?”

 

“I’m useful here -- “

 

“And I’m not?” Sakura retorted, glaring at him with all her might. She laid a hand on his chest and fisted it in his sweater, preventing him from stepping back further.  “You didn’t even  bother to tell me! I found out when you were dying in my hands!”

 

“I didn’t die.”

 

Sakura punched his chest weakly, fighting back tears. Kakashi stood slouched as he always did, looking down at her, face blank thanks to his mask. “You were dead. I brought you back, senpai. You were  dead .”

 

Against her best efforts, Sakura’s tears still won. Kakashi matched her glare for a while, finally softening when hiccups shook Sakura’s body. 

 

He pulled her into his arms, stroking her back with one hand. “Don’t cry.”

 

“What would you do if it was me on that table?” Sakura cried in his shirt, gripping folds of it. She could still see it so clearly -- his blood on her hands, his glassy eyes. “If you were the one desperately trying to save my life?”

 

Kakashi’s arms tightened around and Sakura knew she had hit a sensitive nerve. For all the pain they caused each other, Sakura knew he still held her close to his heart. Knew that they were bound together through it all.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sakura croaked, pressing her cheek to his breast. “Wasn’t I important enough?” 

 

“That’s not how it is, Sakura,” Kakashi tried to comfort, cradling the back of her head in one hand. Gently, he pulled away just enough to look down at her through his tired eyes. “You would have stopped me.”

 

Not you would have tried, you would have stopped. Because they both knew what he was truly doing to himself. It was why she had to disguise herself, after all. Kakashi would have found a way to keep her in Konoha. 

 

“You should have let me,” Sakura whispered, not daring to look up at Kakashi’s face. “You can’t go without me.”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, more stern. “Don’t say such things. I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“Deal with it,” Sakura muttered, pulling away to wipe her tears. Kakashi wiped his thumb along her cheek, erasing the tracks they left. “Where you go, I go. You’ll never get rid of me.”

 

“I will someday,” Kakashi chuckled, lowering his mask. “One day, I’ll go too far and you won’t be able to follow me.”

 

Sakura sniffed, ignoring him and instead cupping his cheeks in her palms. A few days’ worth of stubbles prickled her skin. “You need to shave.”

 

“You need to bathe,” Kakashi mocked, leaning down to press his forehead against hers. “You’ve tortured my nose enough already.”

 

Sakura giggled, staring into his grey eyes. “Your nose will always freak me out.”

 

To be fair, Kakashi was entirely right. A whole day of running in Suna’s desert was much harsher than traveling to Rain Country. Even though they had changed to lighter wear, they had all sweated like pigs. 

 

Kakashi stepped back, letting his hand linger in her hair. 

 

Sakura stood there for him to watch. Kakashi was still so much taller than her. As a child, she had foolishly fantasized that one day she would stand as tall as him. The chances had been slim and it hadn’t happened, of course. Kakashi’s eye lowered only for a fraction of a second to look at her upper body, and Sakura realized that in his haste to see her tattoo, he had ripped her shirt nearly in half, exposing her bindings. 

 

“Help me, will you?” Sakura said, pulling the torn garment over her head and showing her back to Kakashi. 

 

Kakashi got to work without another word, slowly peeling the bandages from her torso when she raised her arms. When he was nearly done, he said quietly, “Resign when we come back home. You don’t need to follow me here.”

 

“I’m not a child anymore, senpai,” Sakura whispered. The discussion was old. “You can’t tell me what to do anymore.”

 

Kakashi sighed in her hair, handing her the bundle of bandages when only a single layer covered her from his view. “You don’t need to keep reminding me that.”

 

Sakura turned to face him, dropping the bindings to the floor. Kakashi had already seen her naked so many times before, as she had him. It was part of their closeness and their life. Sharp weapons had a tendency to shred clothes and wounds were inflicted to all kinds of places that required too much intimacy. Let alone that part of Sakura’s job was a yearly inspection of Kakashi’s entire body.

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“Positive,” Kakashi said, keeping his eye locked with hers.

 

It didn’t take more than for Sakura to lean closer to him for Kakashi to do the same and press his lips to hers, his kiss already impatient and rough. He trapped her against the wall once more, but this time Sakura had no complaints. Her lips moved against his with ease, her eyes sliding shut to enjoy the feeling of his body molded against hers. 

 

When she became more demanding and hooked a leg around his hip, Kakashi broke their kiss, pressing his forehead to hers as he sighed. His eyes slid shut, though Sakura knew it was in order to keep himself in check, rather than a more pleasant feeling. “Sakura…”

 

“Senpai,” Sakura whispered, watching his closed eyes open, the battle in them. It was a battle she’d seen a few times already, whenever he began to give into her. Her hands fisted in his vest, trying to will him into coming closer again. “It’s okay.”

 

Instead of kissing her again, Kakashi pressed his mouth to her neck, suckling and kissing the sensitive skin in the crook of it. Sakura moaned in surprised, arching into his body. She could feel Kakashi’s quickened breaths on her skin and, when she rolled her hips into his, the hard bulge in his pants that was all the proof she needed. It was a game of mouse and cat. The victor was predictable, its victory only a matter of time. 

 

“Enough,” Kakashi breathed out as he broke away from her. “Go bathe.”

 

Sakura remained against the wall when he walked away from her to sit on the edge of the bed, her chest still heaving. The look in his eye now she knew well, also. The shame that came from giving into her game. Shame he created for himself. One day, maybe, Kakashi would realize this. 

 

Too tired for any more arguing, Sakura simply obeyed. He didn’t protest when she headed for the bathroom attached to his room instead of going back to hers. She would sleep here tonight, in his bed, and he didn’t try to fight that fact, because he wanted her there. Because nights were long and lonely; they had been for so long already. He needed her there the same way she needed him there. Fighting the ghosts of the past wasn’t as harsh a battle when they were together. It had always been the very essence of their relationship.

 

And when she came back, dressed in her pajamas to torture him no further, he proved her right, welcoming her into his bed when she stood at the side of it. She slipped under the blanket he held up for her, lying on the side of the mattress always reserved for her. Perhaps it was unfair of her, all that she dangled in front of him, knowing he would never let himself have any of it, but this was how they knew to be together. In the end, she was the one Kakashi always returned to. She wouldn’t allow it to change. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx

 

"Missy miss," called a deep voice. "You've overslept, missy miss."

 

Stirring, Sakura cracked an eye open to search for the owner of the voice she didn't quite recognize. It sounded so familiar, but...

 

"Missy miss," it cooed. "You'll sleep the day away, missy miss."

 

"Who are you?" Sakura mumbled as she looked around her, her vision far too blurry to see anything. "Where are you?"

 

"Missy miss," it responded. "Right over here. Open your eyes, missy miss."

 

"Stop calling me that," she grumbled as she sat up, rubbing her eyes.

 

"Missy miss," it chuckled. "Missy miss is grumpy this morning."

 

With her sight cleared up, Sakura observed her surroundings again. Trees. Grass. Darkness. The environment made her feel peaceful, somehow.

 

"Where am I?" she asked, still so tired she might pass out.

 

"Missy miss," the voice repeated as it approached. "You're at home, missy miss."

 

Lacking the strength to stand up, Sakura crawled towards the person speaking, tired of being teased.

 

"Who are you?" she questioned hastily. "Why are you there?"

 

"Missy miss," the stranger encouraged. "Just a few more steps, missy miss. You're almost there, missy miss."

 

Sakura could feel she was getting closer. If only her body didn't feel so heavy...

 

"Missy miss," the person urged. "I'll be gone if you don't reach me soon, missy miss."

 

Her heart pounded in her chest as she registered the words. Even if she had no idea who she was speaking to, the thought of him leaving made her panic.

 

"Wait for me!" she pleaded, scrambling to her feet, only to trip on a root that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere.

 

"Missy miss," he whispered shakily. "I need you. Please help me, missy miss."

 

"Just a second," Sakura called out as she forced herself back to her feet. "I'm almost there!"

 

Ignoring the protests of her tired muscles, she ran towards him. She had to get to him, she couldn't leave him be. The closer she got, the more branches whipped at her face. Sakura growled in frustration as she pushed them away, wondering where they even came from in the first place. She could see several feet ahead of her, yet couldn't see them before they slapped her.

 

"Missy miss," he called again. "You're a lovely woman. I'm happy to have met you, missy miss."

 

"What?" Sakura let out, confused, certain that they had never met before. "Hang on, I'll be there in a second."

 

When a dark silhouette finally came into view, Sakura collided with what appeared to be a chest-high wall of roots. She gripped it, gasping for breath. She was so close...

 

'Missy miss," he said. "It's okay. You did everything that you could, missy miss."

 

"No!" Sakura screamed as she kicked through the wall and leapt towards him, only to be stopped by another barrage of roots.

 

Now that she was closer, she could see that the roots were connected to the stranger that was still hidden in the darkness.

 

"What are you doing?!" she shouted as she punched the new obstacle. "I'm here! It's okay!"

 

Just when he was within her reach and she extended her hand to touch him, new roots wrapped around her limbs and kept her in mid-air, her fingers just barely an inch away from him.

 

"Missy miss," he breathed out, eerily quiet and serene. "Your heart was never mine to take.Thank you for trying, missy miss."

 

The silhouette disintegrated before her eyes. They widened in shock, her efforts to free herself renewing but futile nonetheless. Sakura screamed in agony when the last of him was gone, leaving her to lay on the ground now that her restraints had dissipated. Defeated and broken, she cried into the night, howling her pain without shame.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura jerked awake when Kakashi shook her shoulder. Half asleep, she swatted his hand away, searching the room to identify her surroundings. Right. Suna, Kakashi’s room. Meeting with the Kazekage. Sakura rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, pushing the hazy memory of a nightmare down in her mind with all the others. Whatever it was, she couldn’t remember -- nor did she wish to.

 

“Get ready,” Kakashi said, already dressed. “We have to go. Shikamaru’s here.”

 

“Already?” Sakura mumbled, rolling out of bed and hurrying into fresh clothes. Her version of the Konoha uniform was appropriate to meet the Kazekage. “Didn’t you set the alarm clock?”

 

Kakashi didn’t reply.

 

Sakura sighed. “Right. Hatake Kakashi and all.”

 

By the time they were out the door, Shokubai and Kunan were standing in the hallway, waiting for them. Shokubai didn’t try to hide his amusement. He smirked, looking directly at Sakura. 

 

Kakashi paid it no mind. “Where did Shikamaru go?”

 

“Downstairs,” Kunan replied, pushing himself off the wall and uncrossing his arms. 

 

Kakashi nodded and walked forward, closely followed by Kunan. Shokubai remained a few paces behind with Sakura. 

 

“So this is how you earned your place,” he gloated, walking with the pride of a lion at her side. If anything, he was more like a vulture. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“Shokubai,” Kakashi snapped, reminding Sakura of the way he sometimes bossed his dogs around. 

 

Shokubai fell into submission the same way the dogs did, adjusting his pace to walk at Kakashi’s heel. Sakura smiled to herself, taking her prized position at Kakashi’s left. 

 

“Finally,” Shikamaru sighed when they came into his sight. “I was starting to think my calculations were off.”

 

“They’re never off,” Sakura teased, waving a dismissive hand at him.

 

“Follow me,” Shikamaru said, walking away before he was even done speaking. “Kazekage-sama is waiting for you.”

 

Sakura skipped ahead to fall into place behind Shikamaru smirking as she tugged on his sleeve. The sun was bright, as it always was in Suna, forcing her to squint to get a good view at Shikamaru’s face. “Say, Shikamaru.”

 

Shikamaru hummed, throwing her a calculated glance. 

 

“Is Temari expecting yet?” Sakura asked, too hopeful. “We’ve all been waiting for the news  forever .”

 

“No she’s not,” Shikamaru replied, irked as he always was when prodded about the subject. “What is it with you guys pushing this on us?”

 

“I just can’t wait to see baby Shikamarus,” Sakura said, weaving her hands together as she envisioned the children. “Even with just a handful of them, they’d be like baby geniuses taking over the world before their first birthday. I can just see it!”

 

Shikamaru grimaced, running a palm down his face. “Sakura.”

  
“What?” Sakura protested, pouting and placing her hands on her hips. “You know I’m right.”

 

“We’re here,” Shikamaru sighed, opening a door and gesturing for them to go inside. “First door on your right.”

 

Kakashi’s team followed his direction, entering a large dining room where a copious breakfast was being served. They formed a line along the wall, bending a full ninety degrees at the hips before saying in unison, “Kazekage-sama.”

 

Sakura remembered the days where this was Gaara they bent to. How he’d immediately tell them to forego such formalities with him. 

 

But he was gone now, too.

 

“Come sit,” Jishin invited, gestured to the empty seats on his left. 

 

Shikamaru, Temari and Kankuro filled the opposing seats, consisting of his guard.

 

Kakashi pulled Sakura’s chair for her, reserving her spot before Kunan or Shokubai could embarrass themselves by arguing over it. When she was seated, Kakashi took his place at the Kazekage’s side, keeping Sakura on his left as always. 

 

“I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure?” Jishin said, nodding towards Shokubai and Kunan.

 

They introduced themselves, their polite behavior leaving a prickle on Sakura’s skin. Formal gatherings always did; there was something inherently dishonest about them.

 

“Of course, you two don’t need introducing,” Jishin chuckled. He nodded politely at Sakura. “Haruno-san, it’s a pleasure to see you again. The work you did with our young medics is showing more than ever even today. They are taking up students on them, lately.”

 

“I’m pleased, Kazekage-sama,” Sakura said, smiling. The first two years after the war had been spent alternating between the five Nations. Teaching medical ninjutsu had kept her busy. Though Jishin hadn’t been Hokage during that time, they had been well acquainted as he was the grandson of Chiyo’s brother. “I am certain they are doing well.”

 

“And you,” Jishin said, gesturing to Kakashi. “The legend in the flesh. I can rest undisturbed knowing you are at the head of this investigation.”

 

Kakashi simply nodded. Sakura frowned at his icy composure, brushing her leg against his under the table. He pushed it away with a jerk of his knee. Sakura straightened in her seat, transitioning back into the manners he had taught her.

 

“Were your rooming arrangements to your tastes?” Jishin asked. 

 

Kakashi raised his hand in refusal when a dressed up waiter tried to place a plate before him. “Of course, Kazekage-sama. Frivolous, even.”

 

Kakashi spoke the truth. Though she hadn’t been quite in the right mindset to enjoy it, Sakura couldn’t remember the last time they had slept in such a classy establishment. The towels had even been scented. 

 

“Perhaps I’ve overdone in my haste to please Hokage-dono,” Jishin chuckled, watching Kakashi closely. “Such a hard woman to please.”

 

“Isn’t she?” Kakashi said, mimicking Jishin’s tone of voice.

 

Mimicking to put him at ease, hoping to bring his guard down and uncover any hint of an answer to their real questions. 

 

Jishin laughed, dismissing the comment when breakfast was served. “Don’t hesitate, dig in! I’m sure you’re hungry after your travels.”

 

Sakura obeyed, though she ate with no appetite. The corpse at Ame’s border was fresh in her mind, bringing with it a sense of impending danger. Peace was never everlasting. 

 

Kakashi leaned his elbows on the table, weaving his fingers together. “Don’t you wish to hear our report, Kazekage-sama?”

 

“Of course,” Jishin replied, offended. He frowned at Kakashi, gesturing towards the food. “Isn’t it rude to demand you report while eating?”

 

“I’m not eating,” Kakashi said, pointing his hand towards his lack of a plate. “No rudeness.”

 

“Then by all means, let me hear it,” Jishin said, leaning back in his chair.

 

“I’m sorry to say we found no concluding evidence,” Kakashi started. Kakashi was a good liar. A liar by omission. “It was obvious to us that explosives were used, and not jutsu. This makes it harder to trace the attack back to a single person or group.”

 

“This is unfortunate.” Jishin frowned, clasping his hands together on his lap. “Ame needs to own up -- “

 

“So you confirm that you believe Ame perpetrated the attack?” Kakashi interrupted, watching Jishin’s every move.

 

“I certainly haven’t ordered such a foolish move,” Jishin scoffed. Sakura swallowed her bite, her throat a little too dry. “If not Ame, then who?”

 

“I have to admit they have a compelling motive -- what with all the increases in import taxes you’ve decreed in the past few years -- “

 

“Increases that are necessary to ensure our survival,” Jishin defended. The argument was well known in the country. Suna had few sources of income besides its military. “You and I both know how well the ninja business has been doing in the last decade.”

 

Business . Sakura held in her sneer. Her service was nothing but a business.

 

“I know very well,” Kakashi chuckled. “My bank account is a constant reminder.”

 

Jishin laughed. “Isn’t everyone’s?”

 

“I concur,” Shokubai said from the end of the table, joining in the laughter.

 

Kakashi leaned back in his chair, resting one hand on his thigh while the other brushed against Sakura’s. Sakura sat straighter and leaned her elbows on the table, laying her chin in her tangled fingers. 

 

“So you aren’t aware of any, say, rebellious bunch that might be acting against Suna’s best interest?” Sakura asked, her voice more high-pitched than usual. “Against your orders?”

 

“I would have their head if I did.” Jishin frowned, his stance already more defensive. 

 

At her side, Kakashi kept an eye on their companions on the other side of table. Shikamaru, Temari and Kankuro remained silent, as if oblivious to the conversation. As expected of guards.

 

“Now, now, I thought this was a report,” Jishin said, raising an eyebrow. Sakura reclined in her chair, offering him a charming smile. “I haven’t been informed I would be interrogated. Does Konoha think so little of us? After our alliance?”

 

Sakura touched her fingers to Kakashi’s thigh under the table, her heart beating too hard in her ribcage.

 

“My apologies, Kazekage-sama,” Kakashi said sheepishly, reverting to his cheerful persona. “You must understand we must be fair to all parties. We will ensure Ame receives justice, once we find the right evidence.”

 

“As it should be.” Jishin nodded.

 

Sakura sat still through the rest of the conversation, not touching another morsel of her food. When Kakashi finally stood, announcing their necessary sudden departure, Sakura couldn’t have been more relieved. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  


Running through Suna’s desert proved less daunting this time around, the sandstorms lacking. It was still several hours before Kakashi called a break. 

 

“Kunan,” Kakashi called. “Verify the surroundings.”

 

Kunan nodded, pressing his palms together. Sakura smiled to herself. A sensor type. How unusual they were.

 

“Clear,” Kunan said.

 

Kakashi nodded then turned to Sakura expectantly.

 

“He lied,” Sakura said quickly, staring at her feet. Sand was blown on them by a small gust of wind. Tonight, she’d take off her boots and find a pile of sand in them, somehow, she was certain. “Though I can’t confirm if he simply knew details he didn’t reveal or…”

 

Kunan frowned at her side, turning his head to look at her, incredulous. “How can you confirm this?”

 

“The signs of lying,” Sakura answered, counting them on her fingers. “Increased heartbeat, no blinking, shallower breath -- “

 

“Increased heartbeat?” Shokubai asked, his narrowed eyes giving away his suspicion. “How could you possibly confirm that from across the table?”

 

“Wouldn’t you love to know?” Sakura taunted, arching an eyebrow. 

 

Kakashi sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder to keep her from arguing further. They all fell silent then. The truth was sinking in. They were all in for more than they bargained. Conflict was brewing between the five nations again. Peace would never last. Kakashi didn’t need to say it out loud for them to understand: this was a terrible sign.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

  
  
  
  



	3. Forget the Rules

xxx

 

“It’s all gone,” Sakura said, leaning against Kakashi’s shoulder, her weight dead. “Konoha’s destroyed.”

 

Pein had left his mark on Konoha like no one before.

 

The weight crushed Kakashi all the same, but he wrapped his arm around Sakura, pressing her to his chest. “Naruto is back.”

 

“I know. It makes me happy.”  Her small hand clutched his sweater, the jacket long gone. Kakashi could remember when he gathered her in his arms when she was a genin. She had been so small. Now, his arm around her shoulders, he realized how much she had grown. “It’s just…”

 

“I know.”

 

Sakura stopped talking, burying her face in the ample material of shirt instead, concealing her tears in it. 

 

“You should go to sleep,” Kakashi said, discomfort nagging him as he thought of just how he was holding her; most of all, how she was holding him. When she didn’t budge, he did, hooking his arms under her knees and around her back, just like he had so many times when she was injured or too exhausted to move her limbs. “It’s late.”

 

Sakura didn’t struggle. Her tent was right next to his, barely a few steps away. So was Naruto’s, though he would be long trapped in the village’s celebration of his return.

 

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

 

Kakashi hesitated, barely inches away from the unzipped flap of his tent.

 

“I don’t want to be alone.”

 

xxx

 

Chapter Three: Forget the Rules

 

…

 

Sakura wrinkled her nose for the hundredth time. The air in Ame was so much heavier than anywhere Sakura had ever visited. Even the mists in Mist Country were easier to breathe. In a vain attempt to filter the air, Sakura raised her scarf over her nose, glancing towards Kakashi to see if he felt any such discomfort, but he offered no hint of such. Sighing to herself, Sakura looked on ahead instead. Uhei had once more been sent to retrieve their following orders, unlikely to be back before the night. 

 

“It’s because of the factories,” Kakashi said, ever aware of her discomfort. “The smoke they spout polluted the city’s air. No amount of rain will wash it away.”

 

Sakura looked up and around them, taking in the impressive amount of smoke towers. “Is it because Ame manufactures most of the goods for the whole five countries?”

 

Kakashi nodded. “No other cities rival Ame’s industry. Their whole country depends on this one city for their economy.”

 

“Suna’s exorbitant taxes must be taking a real toll on them,” Sakura noted out loud. 

 

As if to prove her point, a group of children huddled on the doorstep of yet another factory, taking shelter for the rain as they waited for their parents to finish their work shift.

 

“Indeed,” Kakashi said, glancing at the children but not lingering as Sakura did. “The sales to Suna alone are a third of Ame’s revenue.” Kakashi ushered her forward when Sakura's steps slowed to a crawl. “It’s not unusual for children to work in Ame,” he explained, detached. Kakashi had been to Ame many times in the past, unlike her. “The city had been unstable long before Pein’s rise to leadership. There’s little infrastructure to help the citizens. Children who don’t find work for the day don’t have anything waiting for them at home.”

 

“It’s so sad,” Sakura whispered, looking over her shoulder, trying to find the children again. “Doesn’t Konoha try to help?”

 

“Ame insisted on managing the affairs regarding its country on its own.” Kakashi had always been knowledgeable of everything Sakura wasn’t. Perhaps he had picked it all up through ANBU missions in his youth, spying on all these countries. “Ame is only under the Fire Country’s supervision. Part of their revenue serves to fund infrastructures in all of Fire Country.”

 

Sakura nodded, pulling the hood of her cloak closer to her nose to ward off the incessant raindrops. They fell heavy on her hood, sometimes her face, distracting Sakura enough to stop paying attention to their leisurely walk.

 

“We should go back to the inn,” Kakashi said, slowing to a stop. He, too, pulled on his hood again, as annoyed as she was by the constant rain. “We were supposed to regroup for breakfast. We’re late already.”

 

“Of course we are.” Sakura rolled her eyes.

 

“You used to care,” Kakashi chuckled, leading her down another street.

 

“Humans have a tendency to adapt even to the  worst .”

 

“I’m surprised it took you so long to come around,” Kakashi joked, ruffling her hair under her hood. 

 

Sakura grabbed his wrist and held it fiercely. Though he only smiled at her with his good eye, Sakura glared daggers at him. “Do that one more, and I swear, I will fucking break your fingers.”

 

Kakashi raised his hands in defense, smiling his sheepish smile. Of course, she was entirely serious and he knew it.

 

....xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“There you are,” Kunan said, not quite plaintive nor reprehensive, from where he sat in the inn’s dining room. “We didn’t wait for you.”

 

Indeed, the empty plates confirmed it. 

 

“How nice of you,” Sakura cooed, dropping into the chair besides Kunan. 

 

He simply smirked, crossing his arms over his chest. Shokubai was sat at the other end of the table, ignoring her in favor of a book Sakura had no interest in.

 

“I’ll go get breakfast,” Kakashi said from behind her, disappearing into another room. 

 

“Did you see anything interesting?” Kunan asked, reclining in his seat. His black hair seemed darker than usual, hanging wet and heavy. “Besides all the rain and the smoke.”

 

Sakura slapped his foot away when he leaned it on the table and he started, surprised, but diligently lowered them. “Kakashi gave me a lovely history crash course on the country.”

 

Shokubai was silent at the other end of the table, supposedly entranced by his book. Eavesdropping at its finest. 

 

“We have free time on our hands for the day,” Kunan noted, a mischievous spark in his eyes. He nudged Sakura’s shoulder with his own, leaning towards her.“We should make the most of it.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kakashi chuckled as he stood next to Sakura, placing one of the plates he held in front of her.

 

Sakura grimaced. Of course Kakashi would pick all the veggies she turned her nose up at. 

 

“Didn’t you offer me a spar, the other day?” Kunan prodded, leaning his elbows on the table to rest his chin on his tangled fingers. “Hm, Sakura-chan?”

 

“Here?” Sakura frowned. She turned to Kakashi. “Is that a good idea?”

 

Kakashi shrugged, pulling his mask down to eat. “We are a team. It would be best if they had a chance to get familiar with your fighting style.”

 

Sakura hummed, then turned to Shokubai. “I want to fight him,” she said, pointing to Shokubai, who looked up from his book when he was mentioned.

 

He raised an eyebrow, looking at Kakashi expectantly. 

 

“Let’s head to the empty terrain to the west,” Kakashi said, “after breakfast.”

 

“It’s a deal then,” Sakura rejoiced, slapping her first in her palm.

 

“I feel like we’re in for a treat,” Kunan said, smirking his arrogant smirk even as he stole food straight from Sakura’s plate.

 

“You have no idea,” Kakashi chuckled, watching in amusement. 

 

“Joke’s on you,” Sakura scoffed, throwing a steamed broccoli at Kunan. “I hate everything on this plate.”

 

....xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura could feel the electricity of anticipation running through her nerves. It was unusual now to fight an unknown opponent. It was a thrill she missed all too much. The old days had had their good side, even if she didn’t want to admit it. She had been raised a ninja, after all.

 

“Any special rules?” Shokubai asked, cracking the joints of his fingers.

 

The four of them stood in a clearing, trees lining one end of it. They would be quiet, here, so far from the city. Letting loose wouldn’t be a problem in such a large space, either.

 

Kakashi looked at Sakura and she shrugged. “Good ol’ ‘please remember you are teammates so no killing each other’ then, if you may.”

 

“Sounds good,” Shokubai answered.

 

“Get ready,” Kakashi said, steering Kunan away from Sakura and Shokubai. Once he was far enough, Kakashi started the counting. “You may begin!”

 

Sakura didn’t move from where she stood, watching Shokubai closely. He was a good thirty feet away from her, allowing her plenty of time to react to his first strike. It didn’t take him long to realize she wouldn’t budge, so he started the dance. 

 

Immediately, Sakura recognized the hand signs for the fireball jutsu. Shukabai’s sign speed was nothing compared to Kakashi’s. She ran forward, executing the seals for an earthen wall and releasing when she felt the smoldering heat of the fire too close to her skin. The fire dissipated quickly, allowing her to press forward. Shokubai frowned and jumped backwards. Long distance jutsu user. He would be annoying.

 

Sakura repeated the same jutsu, this time summoning a three-walled cage to force Shokubai to face her head on. Quickly, he tried to to break through the wall, though he only managed to break his kunai in half. Much like her, he repeated his last attack, though this time with much greater intensity. Sakura smirked, knowing she already had the upper hand. The jutsu was a mere distraction to slow her down so he could escape her. He had been poised to flee to the left. 

 

Sakura braced herself, sucking her breath in as she focused her chakra. It coated her skin, forming an unbreakable shield around her. Such weak fire wouldn’t melt her ultimate defense. Of course, the technique required a large amount of chakra, but she could spare it now. When she burst out of the flames unscathed, Shokubai cursed. She was too close for him to escape her. 

 

He braced himself for the punch she threw, but it never came, her fist stopping shy of his forearms. Instead, he was thrown back by the sheer force her output of chakra exerted. Of course, Sakura’s strength was something to be reckoned with even unenhanced, but this was where Tsunade’s jutsu truly shone. 

 

“We have a winner,” Kakashi cheered from the side. 

 

Shokubai groaned in pain as he forced himself into a sitting position. “I’m not done yet.”

 

“You would be if she hadn’t stopped.” Kakashi hopped over to him, helping him to his feet. Shokubai was obviously still confused. “You see, Sakura’s punches are quite literally, ah,  lethal .” He turned to Sakura. “Demonstration?” 

 

Sakura nodded, summoning an absurdly thick wall that none of them could ever hope to get through. She then proceeded to smash her fist into it. At first, the wall only cracked, tiny fissures creating a spiderweb in it until it finally came crashing down. Sakura smirked. Indeed, she had perfected Tsunade’s technique. Not even she could control the the damage this way.

 

Shokubai and Kunan watched with wide eyes, stunned in silence.

 

“I take it you’ve never had the chance to witness Tsunade’s style outside of rumors?” Kakashi said, arms crossed over his chest and a smug smirk on his face. 

 

“How do you not break every bone in your hand?” Kunan asked, stepping closer to inspect her undamaged hand. “That’s not possible.”

 

“You’ve seen it with your own eyes,” Sakura gloated, all too satisfied with the state of disbelief of her teammates. She could have done without Kakashi’s smug face, but it was only a small detail. Although he hadn’t been the one to teach her this strength, he’d sharpened her other talents. “It is possible.”

 

“A force of nature, they say,” Shokubai scoffed. “I never believed it.”

 

“Sakura’s style is indeed quite unique.” Kakashi nodded. “I don’t believe I’ve ever met someone able to manipulate chakra at will quite like she does.”

 

Kunan turned to Kakashi. “How does she do against you?”

 

“You can ask  me \-- “ 

 

Kakashi didn’t let Sakura answer. “Oh, Sakura, let’s not answer that quite yet, hm?” 

 

“Why not?” Sakura complained, all too eager to impress them further. 

 

“Fight Kunan, first.”

 

Kunan looked at Sakura again, sizing her up. 

 

Sakura shrugged. “Okay.”

 

This time, when Kakashi signaled the beginning of their match, Sakura didn’t have to wait for an assault. Kunan came charging with impressive speed, slicing the air with his katana. Sakura had no choice but to give up terrain to pull back towards the trees. She grabbed a kunai from the holster on her thigh, digging her heels in the ground to parry Kunan’s attacks. He was strong -- something his bulk had already made obvious. 

 

Sakura sucked in her breath against, focusing a hefty amount of chakra in her free palm. It was much harder to do when she had to parry an onslaught of attacks, but not unmanageable. With her hand protected, she grabbed the blade of his sword and pulled it from his grasp. Kunan grunted, jumping back to avoid the sharp edge of her kunai.

 

Immediately, Sakura charged. Kunan already knew to avoid her fists, so she went for her kunais instead. Kunan unsheathed two tanto, his reflexes sharp enough to block each of Sakura’s blows. They both smirked, the thrill of battle burning through them. This fight would end quickly. 

 

Sakura shouted as she gathered her chakra in her left arm and swung again. Unlike Shokubai, Kunan expected the shockwave that followed and dodged to her side, aiming for her back. Sakura kicked the ground, shattering it and forcing Kunan back. 

 

“Oi, Sakura!” Kakashi complained. “This isn’t Konoha’s training grounds. Don’t destroy it.”

 

Sakura scoffed, ignoring him and charging for Kunan once more, who had a little more trouble than usual recovering on the now uneven terrain. Though he could dodge her punch, this time, he lacked the time to dodge the shockwave. Before he could get back to his feet, Sakura stood over him. 

 

Though he was clearly sour at his loss, Kunan took her hand when she offered it. He stood up dusting himself. Shokubai and Kakashi were already at their sides.

 

“Unreal,” Shokubai said, frowning. “You expect us to adapt to  that ?” 

 

Kakashi smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not so hard. She is still our medic, so hopefully, she won’t have to break out the fancy chakra magic and we can just do our thing. Sakura is our last defense.”

 

“She’s a fucking  tank ,” Kunan scoffed, rolling his shoulder. “Why are you a medic?”

 

“It’s where I excel,” Sakura said simply. “I can fight because Tsunade created this technique to allow a medic to hold her own in battle if must be, but I am meant to keep you alive -- and myself -- first and foremost.”

 

“Sakura’s techniques expend a hefty amount of chakra,” Kakashi added. “So does medical ninjutsu. She can’t keep this up for too long, not if she goes all out.”

 

When Shokubai and Kunan looked to her, Sakura nodded. “You see, jutsu -- the ones you use, Fire or Earth-style for example -- aren’t quite pure chakra. You mold them in a different form and use energy from the elements to release them. This style rests on pure chakra manipulation alone. The same way a chakra scalpel does.”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, nodding towards the empty terrain. “Let’s show them how it’s done.”

 

“Sure thing,” Sakura said, smirking.

 

Kakashi was by far her favorite opponent. No one else had truly adapted to her fighting style the way he had. 

 

They didn’t bother to stand at a distance. They would charge each other right away. Kakashi could only keep her at a distance for so long. The interesting part started when he couldn’t anymore. 

 

“Ah, just a moment.” Kakashi removed his sweater and vest, throwing them to what he hoped was a safe distance. They both knew they would get ruined. Then, he freed his sharingan, settling into his battle stance. “Ready.”

 

Sakura nodded and they sprung. Kakashi evaded her first blow, landing behind her. She dodged his kick and prepared to parry his next move. Although Kakashi wasn’t known for it, his raw strength made his taijutsu a legitimate threat all on its own. Agile, Sakura evaded his flurry of oncoming attacks. Kakashi never went all out. He always waited for a moment of weakness to unleash it. Sakura rarely spared him the chance. She caught his fist in hers, kicking the ground to raise a single pillar towards Kakashi’s stomach. Immediately, he spun his body, sending them both flying. 

 

Sakura grunted as she hit the ground. Kakashi was always quicker than her to recover and he didn’t fail to do so again. Sakura was barely on feet when he aimed a kick at her lower back, his sheer speed making it impossible to brace properly for the impact. She rolled forward, breaking her fall to allow herself to get right back on her feet. Kakashi taunted her, motioning for her to attack him. Kunai ready in his hand, Sakura knew what to expect. 

 

Sakura focused chakra all over her arms as she ran towards him. Kakashi braced himself for the impact, parrying her first punch with his kunai. Infused with electricity, it was enough to repel her brute strength, though not without sinking him a few inches in the ground. For each blow, Kakashi only summoned more of his lightning chakra, letting it rip through the air and rip at their clothes and skin. This always went on for too long, neither of them willing to give up. 

 

When Sakura switched to chakra blades, Kakashi could never fully brace himself for it. She sliced through his weapons with ease, but he was always too fast for her to reach. This, too, always last too long. He dodged every one of her attacks, and then she dodged his. It was never ending -- for as long as their chakra reserves lasted. 

 

Kakashi always ran low first, his stores always too small because of the sharingan. They always came to the same impasse. Kakashi’s raikiri against her chakra blade. They both aimed for the heart. Even today, their match ended in a draw. 

 

“I-Incredible,” Kunan said from the sidelines, shocked. 

 

Sakura and Kakashi only stared at each other, panting as their forehead knocked together in exhaustion. They both smirked, thrilled for the day the ending would finally change. 

 

“At Hatake’s level,” Shokubai muttered. “It’s impossible.”

 

Kakashi went to retrieve his clothes, letting Sakura rest on the wet grass. “Entirely possible. You’ve just witnessed it, haven’t you?”

 

“I’ve learned from the very best,” Sakura said from her spot in the grass. “Kakashi isn’t too shabby a teacher either.”

 

“She was your student?” Shokubai asked, obviously only having heard of her apprenticeship under Tsunade. Nobody remembered the other member of Team 7. 

 

“The brightest,” Kakashi chuckled. “Though I had little to do with her training until after Tsunade was done with her.”

 

“I take it we’ll take up regular team training once we’re back in Konoha?” Kunan asked, impatience lining his voice. 

 

“We’ll see back -- “

 

“Oh, hell no!” Sakura shouted. “I’m not having any of that shit again! It  is  happening. Deal with it.”

 

Kakashi sighed, but there was no argument. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  


“The streets are so narrow,” Sakura grumbled, treading through the sea of people who flooded the streets at lunchtime. “What’s the point?”

 

Kunan grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the way of a particularly burly man. “Not everyone has your brains, princess.”

 

“Narrow streets are cheaper to build and maintain,” Kakashi added, pressing into her back when the traffic pushed them forward. “Do you  really need to eat there now?”

 

“But they have the best dumplings I’ve ever had,” Sakura whined. Kunan pulled her in front of him, allowing a herd of people to flow between them and Kakashi and Shokubai. “When will we ever have the chance to eat them again?”

 

“She’s got a point,” Shokubai called from the other side. “Don’t mess with good food.”

 

“I knew we’d find common ground,” Sakura cheered, raising her arm to give Shokubai a thumbs up above the crowd’s heads. He was tall enough to see it. 

 

Sakura yelped when Kunan bent down, hauling her up to sit on his shoulders. “Find us a better way, will you?”

 

Unstable, Sakura laid her palms on Kunan’s head for balance, tightening her thighs around his neck. Kunan’s grip tightened on her legs, protesting her iron hold.

 

“You’re not tall enough,” Sakura muttered. “I can’t really see that far ahead.”

 

Taking to the rooftops would have been the simplest answer, but the attention it would attract was unnecessary and imprudent. 

 

“Just get -- “

 

Before Kunan could finish his sentence, a loud, booming noise silenced him. Sakura gasped, pointing forward to what seemed to be a factory, too far for the others to see. 

 

“I think it’s an explosion!” Sakura shouted, turning to Kakashi. “There’s fire. Twelfth building on the right!”

 

People around them screamed and panicked, struggling to turn around run away from the danger. Kunan didn’t hesitate to jump out of the madness and onto a rooftop, where he set Sakura down. Kakashi and Shokubai quickly followed. 

 

“Let’s go!” Kakashi barked, running ahead. 

 

The building was a indeed factory. Another explosion boomed from its other end, crumbling down an exterior wall and taking a part of the floor down with it. Inside, they could see people struggling to escape. Before Shokubai an Kunan could jump inside, Kakashi blocked their path. 

 

“Shokubai, with me!” Kakashi ordered, already forming the hand seals for a water jutsu. “Kunan, clear the smoke!”

 

Sakura ran past Kakashi, meeting his eye as she jumped into the factory. He nodded. Landing on one the upper floors, Sakura shielded her face from the heat of the flames. Kakashi and Shokubai were quick to douse the flames blocking her path, allowing her to run deeper in the building. 

 

“Through here!” Sakura yelled, pointing behind her. 

 

A group of people were huddled in a corner, the only other exit blocked by debris. 

 

“It’s too high!” one of the women cried. “We can’t jump!”

 

“Just go!” Sakura grabbed her arm, shoving her towards the hole in the wall before the others followed. “There’s help!”

 

Sakura examined the blocked exit, certain more people were trapped elsewhere in the building. Carefully, Sakura kicked the wall next to it, using an earth jutsu to fortify the hole before the wall could come crashing down. Hurrying to the other side, she found herself in a hallway with a giant stairway. Once she’d jumped to the end of them, Sakura pulled her shirt over her head, tying it over her mouth and nose. It wasn’t a great filter, but it would do.

 

Calculating, Sakura guessed she was on the first and main floor of the factory. A large machine laid blown up and in pieces, fire roaring from its belly. No doubt the source of the explosion. Bending down to examine the floor closer, Sakura frowned as she found powder peppering the floor. Ignoring the heat of the flames, she hurried to gather some of it in a small vial.

 

“Help! Please!”   
  


Sakura spun on her heels, following the sound behind her. The smoke was far too thick to see through in the direction of the voice, though lowering her body to the ground to crawl provided some clarity. 

 

“Where are you?” Sakura shouted, her throat already hoarse from the smoke. She blinked away tears. “I can’t see you!”

 

“I’m here!” the man screamed again. “I’m trapped!”

 

Sakura crawled forward, all too relieved to hear sirens outside. Not too far ahead, Sakura finally spotted him. Debris had fallen onto him, most likely crushing his leg entirely. 

 

“I’m coming,” Sakura reassured, kneeling at his side. 

 

“It’s too heavy,” he cried, gripping his thigh in pain. He coughed, the sound of it more of a worry to Sakura than the wound.

 

“Don’t talk,” Sakura instructed, fighting back a coughing fit of her own. 

 

Immediately, Sakura reached in her pouch for a clean rag, placing over the man’s mouth and ordering him to hold it. The chunk of wall that had fallen on him was quite impressive -- not a mass even the firemen could hope to move before the man would die of smoke poisoning. When Sakura positioned herself to break it apart, she frowned, noticing how the exposed parts of the man’s leg had begun to swell on the other side of the debris.

 

“I have to amputate,” Sakura rasped, preparing her chakra scalpel. 

 

“What?” he cried, proceeding to shake his head. “No! You can’t do that!”

 

“If I don’t, you’ll die from crush syndrome,” Sakura explained mechanically, tuning out the man’s protest as she leaned down. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a choice.”

 

Before starting, Sakura reaching in the holster tied to thigh, grabbing a needle and stabbing the man’s thigh with it. In a few seconds, he would be out cold. Sakura wiped more tears from her burning eyes, hurrying to slice the man’s leg. It came free quickly. 

 

“Sakura!” Kakashi called from the stairway. “Get out of here! We can’t contain the fire!” 

 

“I need a minute!” Sakura croaked, glowing palms doing their best to stop the bleeding. 

 

Kakashi was at her side in seconds, grabbing her shoulder. “That’s enough!” 

 

Sakura stilled. She recognized an order when Kakashi gave one. Nodding, she hauled the man on her back and stood, only to stumble and lean on Kakashi. She could hear him yell something, but the buzzing in her ears soaked up the sound. Kakashi helped her forward and up the stairs, until they met with Shokubai and he took the man from her shoulders. Kakashi grabbed her arm and laid it around his neck, helping her out of the building and onto the rooftop they’d come from.

 

Back on the safety of the rooftop, Sakura fell to her knees and hands, ripping the shirt from around her head. She inhaled as much air as she could, but it was no use. Nausea was overtaking her and she retched, only coughing up a small amount blood. 

 

“What were you thinking?” Kakashi rasped, gripping her shoulder and chin, forcing her to look up so he could inspect her. “You need to go to the hospital.”

 

“I  am a fucking hospital,” Sakura countered, rolling onto her back. 

 

Gathering her wits, Sakura placed her palms over her chest and they glew green. Sakura groaned as she extracted the poisonous molecules from the blood that flowed through her heart, the process never quite as smooth or painless when executed on oneself. 

 

“This is ridiculous,” Kakashi barked, though not stupid enough to try and stop her in the middle of it. “You’re not in a state to care for yourself, you’ll -- “

 

Sakura swallowed a cough. Blood gathered along with the black mass in the bubble between her hands. Slight imprecision. 

 

“Sakura, stop!” Kakashi shouted, grabbing her head between his hands as he hovered above her, both his angry eyes staring down at her. “It’s an order!” 

 

Sakura chuckled and closed her eyes when his sharingan began to spin. Kakashi cursed and forced one of her eyes open.

 

“I’m done,” Sakura rasped, turning her head away as she dropped her hands to her sides. “I’m done. I’m fine.”

 

Kakashi’s chest heaved, his short breaths ruffling the small hairs on her forehead. Her throat were certainly burn and itch for a few days, but there would be no lasting damage otherwise.

 

“We should get out of here,” Shokubai said from her side. “Before anyone wonders what we’re up to up here.”

 

Kakashi nodded, gathering Sakura in his arms. He sprinted away towards their inn, leaving Shokubai and Kunan to follow behind. Sakura pressed her cheek to Kakashi’s chest, giving in to the dizziness. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Missy miss,” called a deep voice, waking Sakura from her slumber. “Why do you sleep so long, missy miss?”

 

Sakura groaned, shielding her eyes from the inexistent sunlight. It was dark. Pitch black. 

 

“Missy miss,” it called again. “Why won’t you wake up, missy up?”

 

Sakura didn’t budge. Above her, she could feel the thing hover, watching her like a curious child watches a nest of ants. 

 

“Missy miss,” the voice whispered. “It’s dangerous to say here. You’ll die, missy miss.”

 

Would she? Distantly, as if feeling another body than her own, Sakura felt the pain claw at her throat and her lungs. Breathing was so difficult she didn’t bother to try. 

 

“Missy miss,” it said, sadness creeping in its voice. It pulled her body, perhaps somewhere where the air was fresher. “You can move. Get up, missy miss.”

 

No she couldn’t. Didn’t he feel how heavy her limbs were? No amount of chakra would allow her to move them. No incredible technique could help her. 

 

“Missy miss,” it called, desperate, forcing her eyes open. “You’re light as a feather. Fly, missy miss.”

 

Above them, Sakura could see the clearest, bluest sky she had ever seen. All she had to do was move her arms and she would be free. 

 

“Missy miss,” the voice tried to cajole. “Breathe, just one breath, missy miss.”

 

But Sakura didn’t try. Her vision blurred from the lack of oxygen and she shut her eyes, waiting for the darkness that would come.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Sakura, wake up.”

 

Sakura inhaled sharply, her chest swelling as she filled her lungs to their maximum capacity. It was an impulse she had no choice to obey, as if she had just held her breath for a whole minute. Regaining consciousness of her surroundings, Sakura’s eyes scanned the room. Kakashi’s room in the inn. 

 

“Did he survive?” Sakura asked, looking up at Kakashi where he sat besides her on the bed. “Do you know?”

 

Kakashi shook his head. “I don’t know.”

 

“I see.” Sakura closed her eyes again. 

 

Next to her, she could feel Kakashi lie down. He pulled her body against his, holding her tight. This kind of embrace, anyone who had come within a hair’s breath of death knew, whether on the receive or giving end. It was desperate affection, fear that made you hold on to their body for dear life itself. A plea for the racing of the heart to stop; for the taste of loneliness and bitterness to be wiped from their tongue.

 

Sakura chuckled, lacing her arms around Kakashi’s neck and looking up at his closed eyes, knowing the terror behind them. “Kakashi-senpai,” she murmured. “You’re overreacting.”

 

Kakashi opened his eyes, staring down at her own with more anger than pain. “You were careless.”

 

Sakura’s gaze softened and she ran her fingers through his messy hair. It was so like Kakashi, to be angry at her when she displayed something he knew all too well. This kind of carelessness, he knew what hid behind. 

 

“What does it feel like to die, senpai?” Sakura asked, looking down at his collar. “You died when you fought Pein.”

 

Kakashi hesitated to answer. Then, he pressed his forehead against hers, tangling his fingers in her hair and staring straight into her eyes. “It was watching everything I regretted replay before my eyes, again and again, Sakura-chan. Until I was pulled out of it.”

 

Sakura hummed, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Kakashi was a terrific liar. Except when he lied to her and he became as  transparent as glass. The chan suffix he added when he lied, he never realized. A tick he hadn’t identified and hidden yet. Was dying peaceful, then? As she had always imagined? 

 

“How are you feeling?” Kakashi asked, deftly changing the subject. 

 

“I’m fine,” Sakura answered, relaxing her body against his. Kakashi’s heart thrummed against his chest, all the way to hers. “My throat is itchy, but it’ll pass quickly enough. I undid most of the damage before I passed out.”

 

“Good,” Kakashi said, detaching himself from her in order to stand. “We’ll need to be on our way as soon as possible. When you give the word.”

 

“What happened?” Sakura sat on the edge of the bed, unsurprised to find herself in fresh clothes. 

 

“I spotted someone running away from the factory on our way here,” Kakashi said, turning to face her, frowning. “Certainly not in a panic.”

 

Sakura nodded. “So the fire was criminal, then.”

 

“That’s to be confirmed,” Kakashi said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Uhei came back. Tsunade demands we go back home for a full report.”

 

“But that’s not your plan.” Sakura frowned. 

 

“The situation changed.” Kakashi rummaged through his backpack to find an energy bar he handed to her. “We have information that Tsunade doesn’t have.”

 

Sakura grimaced, biting into the vile thing that was the energy bar. “Is that really wise? It’s only the four of us. We don’t know what we’re going to find.”

 

‘It’s also our only chance, Sakura,” Kakashi countered, sitting at her side. “There’s already a slim chance to track him down hours later; we can forget about it if we leave Ame.”

 

Sakura nodded and stood, cramming the last of the bar in her mouth. “Let’s get going, then.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	4. Show Me You and Me

xxx

 

"No, not like this," Kakashi scolded as he placed Sakura's arms as he saw fit.

 

Sakura sighed moodily, looking at the arrows that were embedded in a tree, straight into the red circle that Kakashi had drawn on it. Those were his arrows. Hers lied somewhere in the grass, far from the one tree he had marked in the dense forest. Archery was not as easy as she had expected.

 

The sun was laying low in the sky, but the heat was still more than enough to make her skin moist with a thin layer of sweat.

 

"Why did I even ask you to teach me how to use a bow?" Sakura mumbled, relaxed and quiet. Kakashi stood close behind her, chest against her back, arms over hers while he aimed the bow for her, causing her back to arch into him slightly.

 

"Because you thought you could use a wider set of skills," Kakashi whispered, entirely focused on aiming the next shot, chin brushing against the top of her head.

 

"Maybe I've changed my mind," Sakura said as he pulled the arrow back, taking a deep breath as he guided her hand.

 

For once, he had foregone his heavy sweater and even his vest. His bare arms were pressed against Sakura’s, the sweat on them letting her know he was overheating just as she was.

 

Breathe in while you aim…

 

He let the arrow fly and she watched it zoom through between the trees.

 

Breathe out when you let the arrow fly . 

 

Her eyes fluttered when a few strands of her hair flew in her eyes, blown there by his breath. A dull thud in the wood nearby signaled that the arrow landed where Kakashi had meant for it to.

 

Not even sparing a glance at the arrow to make sure it had hit its mark, Sakura tilted her head back, looking up at him as he lowered their arms. His gray eye was still focused on the arrow, his expression severe as if he had not done well enough, but he knew Sakura trusted completely that he only refused to overestimate himself. Confidence could doom you so easily.

 

Then, Kakashi looked down at her, eye already softer as he watched her. Sakura remained still as their eyes locked together for a few seconds. He could feel heart beat against her chest, her breathing slow and deep. Kakashi didn't move, waiting for her to say what she wanted to tell.

 

"You're incredible, Kakashi," Sakura whispered, brushing her thumb against his where their hands rested on her stomach.

 

Waiting for him to reply, to break the silence.

 

"Kakashi- sensei ," Kakashi scolded again."Don't forget this. Now keep practicing."

 

xxx

 

Chapter Four: Show Me You and Me

 

…

 

“We can’t keep this up,” Sakura said from where they hid in the thick flora. Their suspect had taken a turn towards the mountains of Iwa, where the terrain would soon be open and empty. “He might have spotted us already, for all we know.”

 

“It does feel like he’s taking a detour,” Shokubai added, bent awkwardly to cover his tall self appropriately. “His route is different than it was before the sun set.”

 

“That leaves us with a single option,” Kakashi said, nodding. “Confrontation.”

 

Kakashi stood and walked in plain sight. Sakura, Shokubai and Kunan followed wordlessly. They followed their suspect in silence for a while more, into open terrain, until he turned towards them. The border of Iwa was not far, the mountains that lined it already towering in the horizon. Conducting a mission into foreign territory was frowned upon and would possibly lead to repercussions from Iwa; all of it was unlikely, though, as Iwa was now on good terms with Konoha.

 

“I’m not looking for trouble,” the suspect called. Tall, brown-haired. Small build. Alone, he would pose little threat. “Who are you?”

 

Kakashi waved his hands innocently as they approached. “Dont be so wary, fellow traveler. We’re not thieves.”

 

The suspect’s stance shifted just barely, readying for a quick reaction if necessary. “I just want to be on my way.”

 

“You see,” Kakashi started, rubbing his chin, “it appears you are in Fire territory and I have a hunch you’re a foreigner. My friends and I,” Kakashi said, gesturing to his squad, “are border patrols under Konoha’s jurisdiction. I’m afraid I have to demand you state your business and provide proper identification.” 

 

The brown-haired man gave up the defenseless pretense, moving into an offensive stance. “I am returning home to Iwa. I was ordered to fulfill a mission in Ame under the Tsuchikage’s orders. I’m afraid the details are confidential.”

 

“I understand.” Kakashi’s hand reached for his kunai, ready to counter. “Show us your proof of your allegiance and we’ll let you be on your way. Surely you have the headband with your village’s insignia?”

 

Sakura watched the suspect’s feet, noticing immediately when they gave away he would run. She kicked the ground, shattering the ground under his feet when he broke into a sprint. He stumbled and fell, his ankle caught between two mounds of earth, but was quick to get back to his feet and run. Kakashi gave chase and they all followed, Sakura remaining last line. 

 

“Capture him alive!” Kakashi barked.

 

The enemy was fast, but it didn’t take him long to know he wouldn’t find an escape route in empty terrain. He spun around, directing a strong gust of wind their way that slowed them down momentarily. Kunan pressed forward, both his tanto ready. The enemy dodged the best he could, losing terrain. Shokubai and Kakashi closed in from the sides and Sakura secured the back. 

 

Before all three of them could subdue the enemy, he reached into his pocket, retrieving something all of them of them hoped to never have to use. 

 

“Stop!” Sakura shouted, immediately forming the hand seals to summon a wall between her teammates and the enemy. 

 

He’d already activated the explosive, though, and Sakura had too little time to form a proper defense. The three sides her teammates were secured; hers wasn’t. An imbalance in her technique that would cost her. Elemental jutsu was never her forte. Sakura didn’t hear the explosion. She’d braced herself the best she could, her reflexes alone enough to coat her body in a thin shield of chakra before the shockwave and flames hit her. The wind was knocked out of her and she was sent flying back, the impact too strong for her chakra to absorb.

 

Before she landed, she could see the wall had fallen apart around the enemy, but had eaten most of the blow. All three of them came running for her. 

 

“I’m fine,” Sakura called, forcing herself into a sitting position. Luck really wasn’t on her side in this country, it seemed. “Just minor injuries.”

 

“ Minor ?” Shokubai screeched in disbelief. 

 

Sakura frowned, then looked at her arms. “Oh. This isn’t gonna be fun.”

 

The adrenaline in her system was blocking most of the pain, still. Sakura winced as she inspected the burns varying from second to third degree. From the feel of it, her forearm had also fractured. 

 

Kakashi reached for his canteen, pouring the cold water over her arms. Sakura yelped in pain but didn’t try to move. There was the pain. Sakura grit her teeth against it. The pain from a severely burned small area could be near crippling. Most of your forearms -- and parts of your legs, from the pain there, too -- wasn’t quite small.

 

“Need a hospital,” Sakura ground out. 

 

“I thought you were a hospital,” Shokubai teased, obviously trying to distract her from the pain. “What happened to that?”

 

“Does it -- “ Sakura grunted, forcing her mind to push down the pain when Kakashi applied her antibiotic cream to her burns. “Does it look like I carry a fucking sterile operating room in my pocket?”

 

At this, Kakashi met her eyes, frowning. “How bad?”

 

Sakura inspected her arms again, all too used to the process of analyzing her own wounds as if they weren’t hers. “I need to treat this right away. The tissue will go into necrosis if I don’t act soon. The hospital in Ame is closer. I can use their equipment.”

 

Kakashi nodded and lifted his forehead protector to free his sharingan. “Look at me. It’ll make the trip easier.”

 

“No, I need to be conscious,” Sakura lied, shutting her eyes. “Just hurry.”

 

The pain was bringing tears to her eyes already and she certainly didn’t fancy an hour-long trek back to the city with it. It was better than the alternative, though. Kakashi gathered her in her arms and ran towards Ame.

 

“Remember when you were high off your horse on pain meds?” Sakura chuckled, arms jerking from the pain. “After the war?”

 

“I do,” Kakashi said, throwing a glance to Kunan. 

 

Great, she sounded crazy. “I think -- I think this is pretty fucking close to that,” Sakura laughed. Pain did strange things to the body.

 

Kakashi chuckled. “Happy thoughts, Sakura.”

 

“Happy thoughts, my ass,” Sakura grumbled. She arched her back into Kakashi’s arms when the pain flared up again, tearing a long, pained moan from her. “I’m gonna be too fucking delusional in a few minutes to even remember what a happy thought is!”

 

“Almost there,” Kakashi comforted. “Just relax.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“You’re the worst assistant I’ve ever had,” Sakura mumbled, the words muffled by the bandages she was biting into. The shot she had given herself did help with the pain, but there was only so much to be done that wouldn’t cloud her mind.

 

“I’m  not a medic,” Kakashi ground out, pinning her leg to the table the best he could. Scrubs were ugly on him. 

 

There was something eerily fascinating about peeling skin off one’s own thigh. Thankfully, she was unable to feel it thanks to the local anesthetic, but the sight alone was enough to make her heart race and bile rise into her throat. Skin transplants on someone else wouldn’t make her break a sweat, yet she was sweating now. Her brain knew this was her body she was peeling the skin from. It panicked. 

 

“All good, all good,” Sakura whispered, comforting herself more than Kakashi. “I’m not in danger.”

 

She’d already cleaned up her arms. The fracture would take a few weeks to solidify again. The burns would last longer, perhaps. Skin grafts were likely to be necessary again in the future. She was only doing the bare minimum to protect the inner layers of her skin. 

 

Kakashi turned his head to the side, looking green. 

 

“Don’t puke,” Sakura warned. “You’ll give me an infection.”

 

“Next time you play assistant,” Kakashi ground out, watching in disgust as she meshed the skin of her thigh together with the skin of her arm. “Why couldn’t you pick one of the doctors here?”

 

“You know how I’m your assigned medic because no one else can wrestle you into submission?” Sakura asked, green palms hovering over her arms for the last part. 

 

“What about it?” 

 

“Well, they haven’t found my designated medic yet,” Sakura chuckled. “So pay back time.”

 

Kakashi didn’t reply. He stood still, averting his eyes from eye in order to keep the contents of his stomach from coming back up.

 

“I’m done,” Sakura finally said. “Give me that cloth over there, wet.”

 

Kakashi did as asked. He was still a tad too pale and Sakura couldn’t help but smile. Cleaning off the orange antiseptic oil from her body took a while more, but Kakashi was patient. With her burns bandaged up, the sight was less gruesome. 

 

“Take me home now,” Sakura said, lacing her arms around his neck, a smug grin on her lips. “Senpai.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

When Sakura woke up again, she recognized the inn at Ame’s border, where they had taken the second train on their way there. The squad had probably stopped here to rest after yesterday’s rushed traveling. Already when they had confronted their enemy, it had been late. After going back to Ame, however long her surgery took and then running all the way here, it was no wonder they’d had to stop for a short break.

 

“You’re awake?” 

 

Sakura turned her head to face Kakashi, remaining on her back since moving her arms was too painful. “Yeah.”

 

The sun was rising outside, enough light filtering through the window for them to see each other clearly. 

 

“How do you feel?” Kakashi asked, brushing his fingers against her cheek. 

 

“Not quite as high,” Sakura chuckled. “It’s a good sign.”

 

Kakashi nodded, relief visibly washing over him. Sakura looked back up at the ceiling. 

 

“Senpai, it’s too hot,” Sakura said, turning back to him. “Do you mind?...”

 

No directions were needed. Kakashi sat on his knees and carefully pulled Sakura’s sweater over her head, leaving her torso bare to his view. He crawled to the end of the bed, straddling her legs to pull her pants down her hips, letting Sakura do the job of kicking them to the floor. Slowly, he inched closer, until his knees sat on each side of her thighs.

 

Sakura looked up at him through barely shy eyes, anticipating. Kakashi leaned down, laying his palms on the sides of her head. Sakura swallowed, cheeks flushed already.

 

“We have a moment before we’re due to get back on the road,” Kakashi whispered, looking straight into her eyes. In the faint light of dawn, the sharingan appeared to glow. 

 

Sakura nodded, feeling helplessly at his mercy trapped under him without the use of her arms. Kakashi lowered himself ever so slowly, his lips stopping just shy of Sakura’s, leaving her to close the distance between them. Kakashi didn’t hesitate anymore, losing little time to lower his mouth to her neck. One of his hands ran up her hip to her breast, gently kneading it. Sakura gasped, arching into Kakashi. It was over, they both knew.

 

Kakashi no longer bothered to hold back; they had lost enough time already. His lips were on her breast already, then down leaving a trail of fluttery kisses all the way to her thighs. Sakura’s heart was racing already, her cheeks hot and her breath short. A decade of anticipation made every inch of her skin hypersensitive; a decade of fantasies of this moment meant that every time she dared to hope it would truly happen, she was already lost in the haze of desire.

 

And Kakashi knew it. Eyes locked with hers, he gave her sex a tentative lick. Sakura groaned, grabbing fistsfuls of his hair to push his head down. She felt Kakashi chuckle and scoffed. He’d teased enough already. He didn’t toy with her anymore, instead complying to her demand dutifully. 

 

When Sakura’s moans increased in volume, Kakashi distanced himself from her, crawling back up her body. “Not so loud,” he whispered.”The walls are thin.”

 

“I don’t give a damn,” Sakura whimpered, locking her legs around his hips. His erection pressed to her core and Sakura rolled her hips into his, tearing moans from both hers and Kakashi’s throats. “Don’t stop, please, Kakashi-senpai.”

 

Kakashi’s eyes locked with her again. Sakura could see the ghost of doubt in them, but Kakashi, too, stopped giving a damn long enough to pull his shaft free of his pants and thrust into her. Groaning, Sakura wrapped her arms around Kakashi, pulling close as he exhaled sharply into her neck. 

 

“Are you -- “

 

“Just fuck me,” Sakura growled, capturing his mouth for another hungry kiss. 

 

Kakashi moaned into her mouth, needing no more encouragement to settle in a fast and unforgiving rhythm that left them both panting. Sakura grit her teeth when the pain in her arms flared up again, but was determined to ignore it. Kakashi didn’t notice, too lost in pleasure to pay attention to small details now. Sakura cupped his cheeks, smiling when the tips of his hair tickled her cheeks. He was staring at her, cheeks red, mouth agape, eyes reflecting his lust. 

 

“I want to feel you come,” she whispered, meeting his thrusts with her own. 

 

Kakashi groaned and buried his face in her neck, sinking as deep into as he could. Sakura moaned, arching into him. 

 

“Come for me first,” Kakashi rasped in her ear, reaching between them to rub circles on her clit. “Come for me, Sakura.”

 

Sakura’s eyes fluttered close, the pleasure coursing through her nerves enough to overcome the pain in her arms with the help of a few endorphins. It wasn’t long before she shuddered under him, crying out her orgasm. Kakashi followed quickly, pressing their body tight together as he thrusted into her one last time, his hips jerking involuntarily as he came.  

 

Sakura pressed her lips to his ear, sighing. “Kakashi…”

 

Why today had been different, Sakura would never know. They’d already found each other in such situations -- some leading to inappropriate moments, as Kakashi liked to call them, but never had he lost himself in lust with her. It didn’t matter what Sakura had said then, her encouragements, her flirting, he would always refuse. 

 

Kakashi pulled away after a moment, flopping down on his back next to her. Sakura chanced a glance his way, knowing they’d both come down from the high by now. Kakashi met her gaze, his eyes unsure. Sakura could already imagine all the excuses he would be making to say he shouldn’t have done this either.

 

“I’m not the only one who needed to get laid, hm?” Sakura teased, easing the tension before it could appear. “How long has it been?”

 

Kakashi chuckled, keeping his answer to himself. 

 

“You know,” Sakura said, inching closer to him. Silence would only let him mull over his guilt. “Doctors are pretty good at treating that sort of, ah,  frustration .”

 

Sakura ran her fingers down his abdomen, stopping when the line of coarse hair that ran down his belly became denser. She could feel his muscles flutter under his skin, sensitive to her touch. 

 

“I’m your personal medic,” Sakura reminded, smiling wickedly when Kakashi’s eyes slid shut. “I can help if you just ask me.”

 

Kakashi rolled onto his side, pressing a few hot kisses to Sakura’s neck. “What was that you were saying in Ame? I’m your medic until someone else wrestles you into submission?” 

 

Kakashi’s fingers ghosted over her chest, teasing her hardened nipples. “Something like that, yeah,” she breathed out. 

 

“Sounds like I’ve got work to do,” he rasped into her neck. “You’re  frustrated so often.”

 

Blood rushed to Sakura’s cheeks, the knowledge of how he was aware of such a thing one of the most embarrassing components of her relationship with Kakashi. His inhuman nose. 

 

A knock on the door startled them both. Kakashi turned towards it. “What is it?”

 

“It’s time to go, Captain,” Kunan called from the other side. “Is she awake?”

 

Kakashi glanced at Sakura, mischievous. “Not yet. I’ll wake her. Give us a minute.”

 

They listened Kunan’s footsteps go away in silence, biting their lips. When Kunan was out of earshot, Kakashi stood and retrieved Sakura’s clothing, helping her back into it. Sakura watched Kakashi dress himself, stopping him only when he tried to roll his mask up over his chin.

 

“Wait.” Sakura hopped off the bed, leaning her elbows on Kakashi’s shoulders. Grinning, she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before he covered his skin with the cloth. Though his face was mostly hard lines, he still managed to keep a hint of a bad boy look. “You’re so disgustingly handsome. It’s not fair. You look like you should be in a Playboy magazine. So annoying.”

 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Kakashi muttered, twisting the doorknob.

 

Sakura scoffed and followed him outside where Kunan and Shokubai waited for them. Another argument for another time.

 

“Somebody seems to be in better spirits,” Shokubai said, exhaustion still evident in his voice. The bags under his eyes were a pretty dead giveaway, too.

 

“I’ve been high off pain meds for a whole day,” Sakura chuckled. “I’d better be.”

 

“I need some of that,” Shokubai grumbled, stretching his neck. 

 

Kunan stepped in front of Sakura, kneeling to allow her to climb on his back. She did so without complaint, swallowing the guilt soundlessly. Twice already, she’d endangered herself while they were just fine. If Sakura hadn’t known she’d just had the last of her painkillers, she might have insisted on being fine. In just a few hours, though, the pain would return with a vengeance. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Just as Sakura had predicted, they weren’t a quarter of the way to Konoha when the drugs wore off. The squad was running at a grueling pace, she knew, but she still wished they could run faster. Gritting her teeth, Sakura leaned her chin over Kunan’s shoulder, gripping them tighter when a wave of nausea hit her. Hoping to comfort herself, Sakura watched the trees appear and disappear at their sides, too quick for her to count them. They were in Fire Country. Home. They knew the forest and it knew them.

 

“You’re sweating,” Kunan said, craning his neck to look at her. “Are you alright?”

 

Sakura nodded, panting with the effort it took to not cry out it pain when a sharper pain shot through her arms. 

 

“When I was little,” Kunan started, looking ahead. “I would always chase the squirrels into the trees. My mother would always scold me and she said, ‘You’ll see, Ku-kun, one day, they’ll have their payback.’ She was right, too. Not a month later, I was chasing them again and I swear they led me right into a trap. On a branch, they’d left the shells of the nuts they ate. I slipped and broke my shin.”

 

Sakura chuckled, the image of a child Kunan something she couldn’t quite muster, but it was funny all the same. 

 

“I was promoted to chuunin when I was seventeen.” Shokubai laughed at himself, shaking his head. “Late bloomer I was. My first B-rank was a total failure. We were hiding after having been run into the ground by an enemy. I sneezed and they found us.”

 

Sakura knew what they were doing. It wasn’t an unusual practice among new teams, especially in moments of injury. By sharing tidbits of their life, they would distract the wounded. It was always a nice bonding experience, though Sakura wished they’d also open up in moments where the pain wasn’t making her near delirious.

 

“You asked why I joined ANBU,” Kunan said, tensing under her. “My team was killed, I told you.”

 

At their side, Sakura could see Kakashi frowning under his mask. 

 

“They had just been promoted to chuunin. One my students fought one of yours, I believe.” Sakura contained her shock; Kunan had been a sensei like her until a few weeks ago. “It was a simple mission, really. Retrieve a stolen property and return it to its owner. Barely C-ranked. Turns out we had to deal with more than a single petty thief, but rather a whole group of trained ninjas. There was nothing I could do for them; I saved myself.”

 

Sakura tightened her jaw, her teeth protesting against the pressure.  Business , Jishin had called this. It was true. A client had paid a generous enough price to have ninja do his dirty business at the risk of their own lives. Not every ninja had the honor of dying in a crucial mission. Not every ninja had the luck of using their power to save lives. 

 

“I slaughtered them,” Kunan said, voice shaking with rage he barely contained. Around her thighs, his grip tightened painfully. “It almost cost all of our lives -- it cost Ichigo’s, this is why you’re here -- but it was worth every drop of blood I spilled. ANBU is the only place you get to spill your blood for the sheer pleasure of it -- spill the blood of others for the same -- “

 

“Kunan,” Kakashi interrupted. “That’s enough. That information is classified.”

 

“You don’t think she deserves to know?” Kunan countered. “She follows you here like a puppy because she can see what everyone in ANBU is doing -- and she won’t let you. Have the guts to -- “

 

“Kunan!” This time it was Shokubai who shouted. “This isn’t our business.”

 

“Is it not?” Kunan sneered, wrinkling his nose. “Such compassion for your fellow shinobi.” Then, he turned to Kakashi, his voice growing more venomous. “For your  student .”

 

Kakashi fumed at their side, but he didn’t answer.

 

“It’s so much easier to pretend she doesn’t see it,” Kunan spat, growing more careless. Sakura grit her teeth when she bumped into him too hard as he landed, only intensifying the pain in her arms. “That it won’t break her way it breaks all of us. When you finally get what you want -- “

 

“That’s enough!” Kakashi barked, startling Sakura. “One more word and -- “

 

“And what?” Kunan challenged. 

 

“Have you lost your fucking minds?” Shokubai shouted, throwing one of his arms up. “Do I really need to remind you what’s going on here?”

 

Kunan scoffed, readjusting his hold on Sakura. Kakashi sped up to settle a distance ahead of them. Sakura pressed her face in the back of Kunan’s neck, biting back tears. So much for team bonding. 

 

“You need to know,” Kunan whispered, so only she could hear. 

 

“I’m not an idiot,” Sakura muttered in his back. “I’m not blind.”

 

“Then don’t do this,” Kunan said, twisting his neck to try and look at her face. “Don’t let him take you down with him. Not even Hatake Kakashi is worth that.”

 

Shokubai left their side to join Kakashi, obviously displeased with their hushed conversation. Sakura couldn’t bring herself to care.

 

“I can decide for myself,” Sakura defended, pressing her cheek against Kunan’s back to watch the trees pass by again. 

 

“Don’t come crying to me when you realize how foolish you’re being then,” Kunan spat, increasing his pace to follow the others.

 

If it went that far, Sakura would never go cry into somebody’s shoulder. There would be no shoulders left to cry into then. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 


	5. Are One and the Same

xxx

 

"Kakashi!" Sakura screamed among the commotion, running through the crowd of wounded ninja.

 

Everything was a mess. It was chaos. There had been one last flash of light that had illuminated the sky before everything went dark and the tree fell. Kakashi could hear her calling for him, but he couldn’t find her.

 

"Kakashi! Kakashi!" Sakura screamed again at the top of her lungs, tears streaming down her face as she finally came into view.

 

"Sakura!"

 

"Kakashi!" Sakura breathed out as she finally saw him at her side, a few meters away, kneeling on the ground.

 

She wormed through the people who ran past before she was able to reach him, only to notice blood pouring from his side.

 

"Kakashi!" Sakura shouted as she dropped to her knees and inspected his wound. "No, no, no!"

 

"Sakura, where are they?" Kakashi ground out, grabbing her shoulder. "Why can't I feel them?"

 

More tears blurred her vision as she tried healing him, barely knowing where to start. Her chakra was starting to run dry and he knew the racing of his heart must have matched hers.

 

"Sakura!" he called, demanding an answer, but Sakura could only manage a sob.

 

Tsunade approached from the side and Sakura looked up at her, eyes wide and begging.

 

There were people dying everywhere, people that could still be saved. People who also had loved ones, but they were not hers.

 

"Shishou," Sakura pleaded.

 

Tsunade's eyes held the same terror Sakura’s did. She looked around her, at the other people who were losing blood and needing help more than Kakashi.

 

"Please," Sakura breathed out.

 

Without a word, Tsunade kneeled at her side, glowing palms on Kakashi's side.

 

xxx

 

Chapter Five: Are One and the Same

 

…

 

Sakura was almost relieved when the pain came back and made her deaf to her surroundings. The tension between the group was becoming unbearable after Kunan had lashed out. They spoke not a single word since. To top it off, it would still be a few hours before they reached Konoha. Kunan’s back was becoming rather uncomfortable too. Running at such speeds had him sweating by now, and it was unpleasant to say the least.

 

Suddenly, Kakashi spun around. “Kunan, behind you!”

 

Kunan skidded to a stop and turned around, jumping out of the way just in time to avoid a slew of shuriken. Where they embedded into the ground, four masked ninja landed. They wore blank masks, nothing on them to identify their loyalties.

 

Separated from Shokubai and Kakashi, Kunan prepared to fight. “Hold on tight,” he told Sakura before he let go of her thighs in favor of his tanto. 

 

The enemy didn’t lose another second to launch their attack. Two of them charged their way, swinging their kunai mercilessly against Kunan’s two tanto. Eyes squinting against the pain in her arms, Sakura grabbed Kunan’s katana and pulled it free. A fifth enemy appeared on them side, but he was too slow to evade Sakura’s swing, thinking he had the advantage of surprise. Behind the enemies Kunan faced, Sakura could see more had swarmed around Kakashi and, particularly, Shokubai. 

 

Sakura yelped when her collar was yanked and she was thrown back onto the ground, at the mercy of another enemy. How many were they?

 

“Sakura!” Kunan yelled, looking back at her only to earn himself a cut cheek. 

 

Sakura rolled just in time to avoid being impaled by her enemy’s sword. Shokubai’s pained scream worried her, but Kakashi was much closer. She was no help. Above her, her enemy performed the hand seals for a fireball jutsu. 

 

“Oh no you don’t,” Sakura growled, hands moving faster than his. She slapped her palms on the ground and raised a wall of it above her to protect her. She’d had enough of burns already.

 

Before the earth closed around her, the fireball was extinguished. Sakura instantly recognized the technique as Kakashi’s water dragon; the technique he had copied from Zabuza. Quickly, she dispelled the earthen wall, jumping to her feet to drive her katana through the enemy’s heart, in time with Kakashi who slashed the back of his neck. 

 

“What are you -- “ 

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi barked, turning his back to her.

 

Sakura didn’t need anymore to know what he expected of her. Quickly, she laid her palms on his shoulders and transferred her chakra to him. The situation was dire enough to justify it. Ahead of them, Sakura counted twelve enemies, certain more were still hidden.

 

Kakashi’s hands moved in a blur and it was only a second before electricity sparked from his hands and grew bigger. Sakura winced, wishing she could cover her ears from the buzzing in the air. The enemies hesitated, watching and preparing to counter. Sakura knew they wouldn’t be able to. Kakashi proved her right, amplifying his jutsu with her chakra until he was satisfied. Sakura watched in morbid fascination as the bolts lashed around them, crashing into trees and setting some of them on fire. Then, Kakashi let it all loose at once. It spread quickly, filling the area, tearing screams of pain from the enemies it hit. 

 

Behind her, Sakura could feel the heat of the electricity that surrounded them, making her hair stand on end. Kakashi was too careful to let it too close to her, though, or Shokubai and Kunan. Sakura squinted, pressing her forehead into Kakashi’s back to avoid the harsh light. Around them, she heard more trees fall. There wouldn’t be much of a forest left in these parts if he took anymore of her chakra.

 

Then, it all stopped. Kakashi dispelled the jutsu. “They ran.”

 

Sakura peeked from Kakashi’s side, finding a few bodies around Kunan and Shokubai. One of them, though, was still alive and breathing, though clearly incapacitated for the time being.

 

“Looks like our little secret’s out, Sakura,” Kakashi chuckled darkly.

 

They had rarely used this combo on live opponents, but none had lived to tell the tale. Sakura paid it no mind, hurrying to Shokubai’s side. Kneeling them, she inspected his wound. An enemy had punctured his lung with a kunai. 

 

“I don’t have enough chakra left to fix it,” Sakura said, panting. The surgery had already used up a good part of it, but Kakashi had sucked it near dry. “I can only stabilize you for now.”

 

Sakura reached into her pouch, retrieving a needle and tube. Shokubai’s jaw tightened; obviously, he knew what was coming. Sakura stabbed between his ribs with the needle and inserted the tube, allowing air to escape his chest so he could breathe at an acceptable level. Blood in his lung would prevent him from receiving all the oxygen, but he would be treated soon enough in Konoha.

 

No longer under immediate threat, Kunan faced Kakashi, pointing his taito at him. “What is wrong with you?! Shokubai was closest to you -- he was the one you should have helped!”

 

“Sakura is wounded,” Kakashi defended. “She was at greater risk -- “

 

Kakashi grunted when Sakura slapped him, causing her to cry out in pain as well when the pain in her arm flared up once more, the adrenaline subsiding.

 

“I was handling myself just fine,” Sakura spat, wincing.

 

“You  weren’t \-- “

 

“Yes, she  was !” Kunan retorted, dropping his blades to grab Kakashi’s collar. A rather ridiculous gesture when Kakashi stood half a foot taller than him. “You blind fool!”

 

“If you think I’m going to let my students die like you --“

 

Kakashi didn’t get to finish his sentence before Kunan punched his square in the jaw. 

 

“Enough!” Sakura shouted, standing between them. “Shokubai needs immediate care! You should be ashamed of yourselves -- fighting like children!”

 

Kunan and Kakashi glared at each other a second longer, chests heaving, before they finally let it go. Kakashi pulled out a scroll from one of his pockets, summoning his dogs to instruct them to carry the incapacitated enemy home. Then, he helped Sakura on his back, leaving Kunan to carry Shokubai. 

 

As they rushed home, everyone was silent. Kakashi picked a spot to the side where they weren’t too close to the rest of the group, avoiding everyone’s disapproving frowns. Sakura shut her eyes and buried her face in Kakashi’s neck.

 

“I’m sorry for slapping you,” Sakura whispered, ashamed she had lost control so. “It wasn’t right.”

 

It wasn’t right because they both knew she had down the same once, years ago. She, too, had placed Kakashi’s life above all others when it was unreasonable to do so.

 

“No,” Kakashi said quietly. “You were right.”

 

Sakura sighed, pressing her cheek against his, whispering, “Thank you, Kakashi-senpai.”

 

“I promised I would never let anything happen to you,” Kakashi whispered, one of his thumbs rubbing circles on her thigh. “I won’t break this one.”

 

Sakura hummed, closing her eyes. Kakashi always broke his promises. He liked to promise her the moon, only to have it come crashing down on them when he couldn’t bear the weight of all he wanted to shield her from anymore. 

 

“One day you will,” Sakura said, leaning forward to look into Kakashi’s exposed eye. “It’s alright. You don’t get to choose. No one can.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“There you go, trooper.”

 

Sakura groaned when someone slapped her cheek repeatedly.

 

“I hear you performed skin grafts on yourself, amongst other things.” Sakura finally registered the voice as Tsunade’s. Forcing her eyes open, she caught a blurry glimpse of the woman hovering above her. “Only you would get so gory.”

 

Blinking the blurriness away, Sakura eased into a sitting position. “I didn’t have a choice.”

 

“The hell you did,” Tsunade chastised, waving a flashlight in Sakura’s sensitive eyes. “You were in a hospital. There were doctors there, or are you telling me they were all quacks?”

 

Sakura glued her mouth shut, enduring Tsunade’s examination in bitter silence.

 

“I finished your botched surgery.” Tsunade raised her hand in front of Sakura’s face, showing four fingers. “No lasting harm, though the next few days might be unpleasant.”

 

“Four,” Sakura said, then looked down at her bandaged arms. They were still painful, but it had toned down a few notches. “Is everyone alright?”

 

“Shokubai had a perforated lung,” Tsunade said, hands forming different shapes for Sakura to mimic. “He’ll be out in a few days.”

 

Sakura sagged in relief, but Tsunade wouldn’t let her rest so easily, demanding she stand up and proceed to prove all of her motor functions were intact. 

 

“Now, about that,” Tsunade said from where she leaned against the cot. “I expect a full report on my desk before the end of the day. Kunan and Kakashi have already submitted theirs. I assume yours and Shokubai’s will match?”

 

Obediently, Sakura nodded. Everything Tsunade said held a threat. “ Do this paperwork ,” she would say, meaning, “ or I’ll punch you five ways to Sunday.”  Or, she would ask, “ Would you be kind enough to fetch my sake? ” threatening, “ I’ll demote you to genin if it’s not on my desk in the next five minutes .”

 

“Kakashi recommended your removal from the team,” Tsunade added, not cutting Sakura any slack.

 

“Of course he did,” Sakura sighed, climbing back in her bed.

 

“His squad was unusually rambunctious and disorganized.” Tsunade frowned, watching Sakura like a hawk. “Something that never happened until you joined them.”

 

Sakura watched her feet, having nothing to say in her defense. It had been obvious she was the cause of it, though she had done nothing to instigate it. 

 

“Shokubai and Kunan defended you,” Tsunade finally said. “They insisted your behavior was exemplary and your skills valuable assets to the mission. They directed the blame towards Kakashi.”

 

Sakura’s head shot up. “Why would they?”

 

“Why would they not?” Tsunade spat. “I should have demoted that pitiful dog on the spot -- don’t look so hopeful, Sakura.” She scoffed, crossing her arms over her ample chest. “Kakashi remains the best candidate for the job. It would be foolish to disband your squad now. The information you collected is vital; only you and I know. That’s how it will stay for the time being.”

 

“Oh, that’s right,” Sakura said, pointing at her clothes. Tsunade fetched them for her and Sakura retrieved the plastic bag she’d stored the explosive powder in. She grabbed another from her pouch, emptying the powder from her jacket pocket in it as best she could. “I found these in Rain. The first in from the customs building, the other from a factory in Ame. You should take them to Kenshi.”

 

Tsunade grabbed the bags, carefully slipping them in her pockets as she nodded. 

 

“It’s serious, isn’t it?” Sakura whispered, sitting on the mattress with some difficulty. “What’s happening?”

 

“I can only take a guess, Sakura.” Tsunade was never one to be comforting, but it meant she wouldn’t lie to her. “Your squad can rest for a while. I’ll summon you when I’ve figured our next course of action.”

 

When Sakura didn’t answer, Tsunade headed for the door. “Rest. You need it.”

 

Sakura expelled the breath she’d held, dropping on the bed. She grabbed the IVs that hung by the bed and hooked them back to the tubes in her forearm. Perks of being a medic; she did everything herself.

 

Sakura closed her eyes, sleep not a hard luxury to enjoy right now.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Sensei!” Hideki shouted as he bursted into her room, almost crashing into her bed. “We heard you were in the hospital and I came immediately -- “

 

“Hideki-kun,” Sakura laughed, placing a palm on his wild blonde hair. He looked like he’d just gotten out of bed, and he very well might have. It wasn’t unlike Hideki to rush into everything that wasn’t combat related. “Don’t be so loud, we’re in a hospital.”

 

“Sorry, sensei,” he muttered. 

 

Sakura chuckled. He was also the most obedient of the bunch, fostering a little too much affection for her. Hajime and Akemi soon followed him into the room, wide, worried eyes on their sensei.

 

“Hajime-kun, Akemi-chan,” Sakura greeted. Akemi seldom said much, preferring not to waste her breath, while Hajime was much closer to Hideki’s temperament. “It’s been a little while.”

 

“We missed you!” Hideki said, frowning. He was always also so affectionate and concerned for her, it made Sakura laugh sometimes. “People say you were gone on a super secret mission. Is it true?”

 

And impressionable, too. It hid how intelligent he really was for a fourteen year old boy. “It is.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Hideki whispered, leaning in closer and using his hand to shield them from Hajime and Akemi’s view. “I won’t tell anyone. Promise.”

 

“I’m afraid I can’t,” Sakura chuckled, leaning away from him. “How has the chuunin life treated you while I was gone?” 

 

“Terrible,” Hajime mumbled, crossing his arms over his slight frame. “We’ve been rescuing cats that don’t want to be rescued.”

 

“The same as being genin,” Akemi added, brushing away a long strand of purple hair. 

 

“It sucks,” Hideki complained, dropping in the visitor’s chair behind him. “I thought we’d get all the cool missions now!”

 

Sakura’s lips twitched in a sad smile. These children didn’t know the hardships of war and S-ranked missions. She hoped they never would, though she remembered her own twisted excitement at their age. They were barely toddlers when the war ended; they had only known peace. Was it too much to hope that it would remain so?”

 

“Don’t be so stupid,” Sakura chastised. “You’ll miss these quiet times when you grow up.”

 

“You should listen to your sensei,” Kunan said, leaning on the doorframe. Sakura looked up at him in surprise. “She knows what she’s talking about.”

 

“Maybe we’d know better if she told us more about her life before us!” Hideki protested, ever so eager and defiant. “It’s not fair. She knows everything about us.”

 

Sakura, too, had thought the same when Kakashi deflected each and every question they had about his past as genins. It was so easy to understand why now. The picture was prettier when she could still pretend they weren’t bound to be tainted by the world.

 

“And it’s how it should be,” Kunan retorted. He nodded towards the hall. “Now scram, I need to talk to her.”

 

Sakura’s students left, grumbling a few complaints of bossy adults and that one day, the tables would be turned. Sakura smiled to herself, leaning back against her pillow.

 

“How are you feeling?” 

 

“I’ve been better,” Sakura chuckled, raising her bandages arms for him to see as he closed the door. “It’s all good, though. I’ll be up and kicking ass soon enough.”

 

Kunan nodded, pulling a chair closer to Sakura’s bed to sit in it backwards. “I assume Hokage-sama has already informed you that the captain asked you be taken off our squad.”

 

“Yes,” Sakura sighed. “It was nice of you to defend me.”

 

“I did no such thing.” Kunan frowned, fingers toying with the sides of the chair. “I told things how they were.”

 

Sakura smiled, fumbling with her thin blanket. “It’s my presence that destabilized Kakashi-senpai -- “

 

“It was his job to deal with it appropriately,” Kunan cut in, his narrowed eyes even harsher than usual. “Whatever it was going on between you two, he didn’t handle it the way he should have.”

 

“How do you know that?” Sakura frowned, throwing him an angry glance. “You’re not in his shoes.”

 

“You obviously hid your identity from him,” Kunan pointed out, leaning forward on the back of the chair, exposing some of his chest as his low-cut shirt fell lower.  “Something tells me you had a reason to do that.”

 

“I did.” Sakura looked out the window, avoiding Kunan’s sharp gaze. “I still deceived him, though.”

 

“I meant what I said, Sakura.”

 

Sakura turned back to look at Kunan, surprised by the hard lines etched into his face. “About what?”

 

“You don’t have to follow Kakashi into this,” Kunan clarified as he stood to step closer to her. In his street clothes, Kunan looked like an entirely different person -- save for the stony face. He looked younger, more like a normal man. “Whatever he means to you, he’s not your responsibility.”

 

“Am I yours, then?” Sakura’s brows bunches together in annoyance. “I told you I could decide for myself.”

 

“I’ve seen the damage men like him wreck on a pretty face like yours,” Kunan said, leaning his palms on the mattress besides her. He stared straight into her eyes, challenging her to look away. “Stop chasing after him.”

 

Sakura scoffed, a chuckle rumbling through her chest. “I see.”

 

“See what?” 

 

Sakura leaned closer to Kunan, until their noses almost touched. “What’s really motivating you.”

 

“Do you?” Kunan moved only a hair’s breath closer to her. “How bold of you.”

 

“You want me to be,” Sakura said, voice low and even. 

 

Kunan closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to hers. Sakura pulled away, but Kunan followed, wrapping his fingers around her nape. Sakura exhaled against his lips, letting her eyes slide shut. 

 

“I don’t fancy a messiah complex,” Sakura said when they broke apart.

 

“That won’t be a problem,” Kunan breathed out, his warm breath tickling her lips. “Unlike a martyr complex.”

 

“Why kiss me?” Sakura asked when he stood straight again. “What is it you expect?”

 

“Nothing,” Kunan answered, running the fingers of one hand through Sakura’s pink locks. “I wanted to kiss you.”

 

“Why?” Sakura insisted. 

 

Kunan sighed and sat by her, the hand in her hair cradling the back of her head. “I wanted to kiss you,” he repeated. “It’s that simple. Isn’t it strange that you can’t accept it as such?”

 

Sakura stared down at her white blanket, finding some truth to his words.

 

“I don’t even need to know more about you two,” Kunan continued. “He’s already damaged you.”

 

Kunan’s eyes widened momentarily when Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. He bent forward until Sakura leaned against the raised back of her bed again, moving his lips against hers with more insistence. Sakura let him take over, following his lead. 

 

“Do these doors lock?” he whispered between two clashes of their lips. 

 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Sakura chuckled, though she didn’t protest when he slipped a hand in the folds of her hospital gown to feel the skin of her stomach. 

 

“Am I?” Kunan barely offered her a chance to reply, renewing his assault on her mouth. 

 

Sakura looked up at the ceiling when his lips moved down to her neck, suckling and nibbling. Shivering under him when he licked the sweet spot on the side of her neck, Sakura tangled her hands in his hair, a small moan escaping her throat. 

 

“I want to hear that again,” he rasped against her ear, and Sakura had to bite her tongue just to keep the satisfaction from him. “You’re pretty when you moan.”

 

Sakura remained mute, but her heavier breathing was all the confirmation he needed. 

 

“Do they lock or not?” Kunan didn’t wait for her to answer to get up and test it himself. They didn’t.

 

Resourceful as any other ninja was, he dragged the chair, placing its back under the doorknob. He resumed his position on top of her, but Sakura turned her head away, laying her palms flat on his chest. 

 

“Kunan,” she said softly.

 

“I’d rather you don’t ask me to leave,” he chuckled against her cheek. “Is that what you’re about to say?”

 

“My arms are still in a lot of pain,” Sakura said. Though it wasn’t a lie, it certainly wasn’t stopping her. 

 

“I don’t know who you are, Sakura,” Kunan whispered, sharp eyes locked with hers. “But you caught my attention. I want your body. I want to know who you are.”

 

“So you’ll fuck me on my hospital bed?” Sakura lifted an eyebrow, a playful grin bending the corners of her lips. 

 

“I did say something about wanting your body, didn’t I?”

 

Sakura groaned into his mouth when he kissed her again, immediately fisting her hands in his dark hair. “You did.”

 

“Are you still going to ask me to leave?” he rasped, impatience and lust clouding his onyx eyes. “Don’t give me that bullshit about your arms.”

 

“Yes,” Sakura breathed out, slipping her hands under his shirt to feel his chest. Although his bulk made the muscles on his body evident, there was a layer of fat on them that Sakura didn’t find on Kakashi’s hard chest. She pressed her fingers harder against his skin, enjoying the feel of him. “You’ll have to be a little more patient. Maybe I’ll let you have more next time.”

 

“I’ll look forward to it,” Kunan said before catching her lips in a final kiss. “Whichever it is you’ll be offering next time.”

 

He stood up and, with one last long, smoldering look, left. Sakura sank in her bed, throwing the blanket over her head. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Missy miss,” the voice called again. “You’re back, missy miss.”

 

Sakura groaned. Her body felt like it had been hit by a ton of bricks. 

 

“Missy miss,” it said, suddenly stern. “You shouldn’t move, missy miss.”

 

Of course, Sakura disobeyed. This thing wasn’t the boss of her. Only, when Sakura tried to sit up, she found her limbs bound by chains. Her body hung in the hair, uncomfortably stretched by them. 

 

“What do you want?” Sakura growled, pulling against the metal with all her might, but it was useless.

 

“Missy miss,” the voice chuckled. “I want everything, missy miss.”

 

Sakura couldn’t make out more than the silhouette of her captor, a mass of darkness that somehow stood out against the pitch black they were in.

 

“Missy miss,” the voice cried. “I hurt, missy miss.”

 

Sakura cried out in pain when she felt a blade pierce her abdomen and cut clean through her back. It pulled the blade out, ignoring her scream.

 

“Missy miss,” it whispered desperately. “Look what I’ve done to you, missy miss.”

 

Sakura looked down at her body, gasping when she saw the scars that covered it. “What is this?!”

 

“Missy miss,” it answered coldly. “It’s every single wound I’ve ever inflicted you, missy miss.”

 

Sakura couldn’t fight the tears that leaked from her eyes, nor the sobs that rocked her body.

 

“Missy miss,” it continued. “You know every single one of them inside and out, missy miss.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Sakura protested, fighting against her restraints. “I never had these before!”

 

Her companion lashed out in anger, this time lodging a blade between her ribs. 

 

“Missy miss,” it sneered. “You wear these like badges of honor, missy miss.”

 

“What are you talking about!” Sakura cried out, powerless against the agony he inflicted on her. 

 

“Missy miss,” it snarled. “Why don’t you flee? Nothing is holding you back, missy miss.”

 

“The chains -- “ Sakura looked up only to find they weren’t there. 

 

“Missy miss,” it laughed. “You did this to yourself, missy miss.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura started awake. Someone was here. Before she could reach for her kunai, he was out the door. 

 

“Kakashi-senpai?” Sakura called, but he didn’t answer. “Kakashi-senpai!”

 

Sakura sank back into her bed. Her arms were burning again. 

 

Had she just imagined someone in her room just now, or had Kakashi really been here? Either way, she was too exhausted to find out. 

 

He’s already damaged you.

 

Kunan’s words echoed in her mind and Sakura forced her eyes shut. She wanted to believe it wasn’t true, truly. 

 

But the memories flooding Sakura’s head told a different story, one she couldn’t deny. His constant hot and cold reactions to her had left her into tears more than once. It was hard to find the truth between the reasoning behind his refusals and the raw lust he clearly demonstrated before he’d tell her no. He’d finally given in, at the inn at the border of Ame. 

 

Had she been right to push until he fell over the edge?   
  


But it would have been foolishness to think they could ignore their attraction. It had been there almost as far as Sakura remembered. She wasn’t an adult yet that Kakashi already displayed all the signs of lust, though he kept it aptly under lock and key for the longest time. Sakura had since long accepted this side of them. Kakashi never had.

 

“It’s not my fault,” Sakura whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat when tears gathered in her eyes. 

 

He’d always wanted her the same way she did. He was the liar. 

 

Sakura wasn’t seventeen and they already shared their nightmares. Sakura’s had come first; they started with Pein. From that night, they too often shared a bed. For a while, Sakura believed Kakashi was just being proper. Until his own nightmares returned after the war and she witnessed what his own hell looked liked. She would hold him the way he held her at night to comfort her, never wanting to let him go again.

 

He fought it, at first, of course. Until he gave into that, too, and the secrets came pouring. Every detail he never wanted to tell them, he told her. At times, Sakura wished he hadn’t. Her own scars were enough to bear, but he carried her weight without complaint so she carried his when he fell. 

 

Perhaps it was then that she came apart. 

 

With every new secret, she discovered his strength. Learned from it and was shaped by it. Kakashi had come back from so much already. He was Konoha’s greatest ninja -- greatest man -- and he was hers alone now, Sakura convinced herself. He let her believe it. 

 

And she had been his own thorned toy, too, for a long time.

 

When she bled, he bled. When he bled, she bled. 

 

But when he joined ANBU, he let her bleed alone. He cut deeper than he had before and somehow Sakura could only pull the blade deeper. 

 

Was it time to let go?

 

“Kakashi-senpai,” Sakura whispered to herself, hating the way her voice broke. 

 

It was a pointless question. Sakura knew she could never give him up. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 


	6. Playing the Same

xxx

 

"Sakura, it's time to go."

 

Sakura had heard what Kakashi had said, but she didn't move. Sitting there, near the cenotaph, was as close as she could be to them now. She didn't want to go.

 

"Sakura."

 

Kakashi grabbed her shoulder gently.

 

"I'll stay here just a little longer," Sakura whispered, staring at their names engraved in the stone.

 

The sun had set a long time ago already. Kakashi had stayed with her all along. His routine hadn't changed. He came here long before she did.

 

"You need to get some sleep," Kakashi whispered, tugging on her shoulder.

 

Sakura shook her head. "I want to stay a little longer."

 

With a sigh, Kakashi hooked his hands under her arms and pulled her up, but Sakura was quick to fight back.

 

"Leave me here!" she shouted, struggling to free herself, but Kakashi held on strong.

 

"Sakura," he called reassuringly, embracing her tightly while she still fought his hold.

 

"I don't want to go!" Sakura screamed, hitting his chest with her fist weakly.

 

"It's okay, we'll stay," he said, keeping her in his arms as she sobbed. "We'll stay as long as you need."

 

xxx

 

Chapter Six: Playing the Same

 

…

 

Sakura peeked through the open door of Shokubai’s hospital room. He was lying on his bed, facing away for her. For a moment, she hesitated to knock on the door, fearing he might be asleep and that her timing wasn’t quite right. When she did, Shokubai turned around, wide awake.

 

“Come in,” he said, sitting up, clutching his side. 

 

Sakura stepped in, standing by the door. “How are you doing?”

 

“Wishing I could be twenty again,” Shokubai chuckled, patting the back of the chair by his bed. Sakura sat in it. “I remember I would heal much faster back then.”

 

“It’s all in your mind,” Sakura said, leaning her elbows on her knees as her hand displayed her thoughts into motion. “Forty-seven isn’t quite that old. You’ve obviously kept in shape and your body hasn’t deteriorated yet. At sixty, you can say that.”

 

Shokubai lifted an eyebrow, staring at her.

 

Sakura’s cheeks flushed and she offered him a cheeky grin. “I had a lot of time to read your files these past few days.”

 

“Do I get to read yours, then?”

 

Chuckling, Sakura shook her head. Idly, she noted his room had no windows. These rooms always left her to twiddle her thumbs, with nothing to watch. “I’m afraid not.”

 

“What else did you find out, then?” he asked, reclining further in his bed. 

 

Shokubai seemed short of breath, but it wasn’t so surprising when recovering from a collapsed lung. Sakura looked down at her thumbs, pressing them together. “Widowed. Father of two. Type O blood, very useful. You have a history of heart disease and alcohol abuse.”

 

“Medics really get to know everything, don’t they?” he muttered, looking at his side to the wall, perhaps wishing there was a window there, too. 

 

“It’s part of our jobs.” Sakura nodded. Seeing his profile, Sakura felt the lines of his wrinkles were deeper, suddenly. With only seven years separating him from Kakashi, it was surprising that they would look so far apart in age. Kakashi’s face was still mostly smooth; perhaps it was the mask? “I’m sworn to professional secrecy, though. Nothing on your chart I can repeat without your consent.”

 

Shokubai didn’t speak. Sakura could see his large chest rising and falling a little faster. 

 

“Do you mind if I take a look?” Sakura said, standing from her chair. “The medic who treated you is one my students. I’d like to see her progress.”

 

Instead of responding, Shokubai simply nodded and untied his gown. Sakura gathered chakra in her palms and hovered them over his chest. He was scarred, like most men she treated. She brushed her fingers over a particularly ugly scar, mostly covered by his coarse hair.

 

“This isn’t on your chart,” she noted. “When did you have heart surgery?”

 

“My heart stopped in battle, during the war,” Shokubai explained. “Manual cardiac massage. Charts weren’t quite the priority.”

 

“Cause?” Sakura inspected his heart as well. A more thorough examination couldn’t hurt him.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me that?”

 

The corner of Sakura’s lips lifted in a lopsided smile. She shook her head. “It depends how it happened. Were you wounded?”

 

Shokubai shook his head no. “No. It just stopped.”

 

“A heart attack then,” Sakura whispered. “This should really be on your chart. Any recurring chest pains since?”

 

Sakura walked to the end of his bed, grabbing the chart and pen that hung from it. Mindlessly, she started scribbling notes to add new information to his file. 

 

“Here and then.” Sakura recognized the detachment in his voice. Patients who didn’t mind throwing their health out the window always spoke the same way.

 

“Do you still drink?”

 

Shokubai answered with a simple yes and Sakura sighed. 

 

“As much?”

 

“Does it really matter?”

 

Sakura sat back at his side, laying the chart on her thigh. “If you want to be there for your children, it does.”

 

Often, Sakura had wished this profession hadn’t made her so callous. Shokubai’s face was visibly tightening, long lines forming besides his mouths and eyes, showing all of his years. Coddling patients was never the right choice. Coddled patients deluded themselves into thinking they weren’t doing so bad.

 

“What are their names?” But Shokubai was her teammate now, not just a patient. 

 

“Takeshi and Kurono,” Shokubai answered quietly. “They’re twins. Only Takeshi made it through the first year.”

 

“Sudden infant death syndrome?”

 

Shokubai nodded. “Takeshi is probably older than you are.”

 

“Do you think?” Sakura chuckled. “I’m twenty-six.”

 

“Baby face.” Shokubai leaned over to pinch her cheek, making Sakura wince and swat his hand away. “Takeshi is thirty-one.”

 

“Oh.” Sakura looked back down at the chart, not quite sure what to say. 

 

“I know, I know,” Shokubai laughed, his eyes distant as they stared at the wall, seeing things she couldn’t see. “You wouldn’t think a grumpy old man like me fathered a child at sixteen.” When Sakura didn’t speak, he continued, “We were young and stupid, like we all are. We thought we could make it work.”

 

“What happened?” Sakura whispered, unsure she really wanted to ask the question.

 

“It was alright for a time,” Shokubai said. “Yoshiko died in the Kyuubi attack. She was a ninja, too. It was then that Takeshi decided he would never be a ninja.”

 

“Why not?” Sakura frowned. “Being told that story as a child is part of what me want to be a ninja; to protect everyone.”

 

“Takeshi didn’t see it that way.” Shokubai sighed, clutching his side again, though Sakura doubted he was in so much physical pain. “He saw ninjas as danger; he wasn’t quite wrong, either. Power attracts power, conflict. Without power you cannot protect, but you also cannot harm.”

 

Sakura looked down at the chart, reluctantly accepting Shokubai’s answer. The stronger she and Kakashi had become, the stronger the enemies they faced. Because when they became more powerful, they created fear and envy. It was only natural that others would follow suit. 

 

“He hasn’t talked to me in over a decade, you know,” Shokubai said, the skin around his eyes tightening again. He breathed in slowly, gradually erasing emotion from his face, becoming a ninja again. “Do you plan on having children?”

 

Sakura shook her head. “I don’t.”

 

“Good,” he chuckled. “I don’t think Hatake would want them.”

 

“What is it with you guys thinking this is what it’s all about?” Sakura said, frustration evident in the hurried swinging of her leg over her thigh.

 

“There’s always been rumors about you two,” Shokubai said, allowing a smirk to brighten his aged features. “You were a child that he already kept you in his bed; his reputation took quite a hit.”

 

“Kakashi-senpai was  never inappropriate towards me,” Sakura defended quickly, unaware of such rumors. It wasn’t such a surprise, though; she kept far from the rumor mill and so did Kakashi. “He’s not that kind of man.”

 

“Oh, I know that, girl,” Shokubai laughed, looking her straight in the eye. “But are you that kind of woman?”

 

“What are you implying?” Sakura hissed, fingers tightening around his chart, threatening to break the board it was clipped to.

 

“He doesn’t show you, does he?” Shokubai said evenly, though anger shone in his eyes. “What you’ve done to him? His reputation is the least of his worries at this point.”

 

Sakura stood and replaced his chart where it belonged. “I’m not having this conversation with you; you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Run, girl, if that’s what you want.” Shokubai chuckled, lying down. “Believe what you want, but one day you’ll realize  you are the reason he can’t look himself in the mirror.”

 

Sakura didn’t bother to answer, instead of leaving the room and slamming the door shut behind her. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura followed the racing of heart and the screeching of her thoughts to the interrogation facility. Three days already. If their captive was going to speak, it should be about time. When she pushed through the entrance doors, a man in uniform greeted her, but Sakura simply walked past, ignoring him and his shouts.

 

“Where is he?” Sakura snarled when she met with Ibiki, who was quick to come see what the fuss was about. “I want to talk to him.”

 

“Kakashi is with him,” Ibiki said, placing a hand on her shoulder to guide her somewhere more private; somewhere she wouldn’t cause a scene. “We haven’t had much success yet.”

 

“All the more reason to let me in there,” Sakura said, following him into a windowless, most likely soundproof room. 

 

“You’re not an official interrogator, Haruno,” Ibiki berated, closing the door. “This isn’t your place.”

 

“But Kakashi is?” Sakura spat, crossing her arms. 

 

Ibiki frowned, all too aware of her point. “You know that Kakashi’s status is nothing like mine or yours.”

 

It was true; Kakashi had had free reign to do what he wanted for as far as Sakura could remember. It wasn’t luck that had brought him on the list as the go-to successor for the Hokage every time there was a chance. 

 

After a moment of being stared down, Ibiki smirked. “Perhaps a medical visit is in order after Kakashi is through with him.”

 

“Get me the forms,” Sakura said, sitting in the eerily lonesome chair in the middle of the room. “I’ll wait.”

 

Ibiki left with another word. Sakura dropped her arms to her side and expelled a long breath. Ibiki was back before long, demanding she fill a few sheets of paper for permissions, waivers and sworn secrecy contracts. He led her deeper into the building, then, into the lower floors. Such a large facility; their captive was most likely the only inhabitant right now, except maybe a few life-long prisoners. 

 

“All done?” Ibiki asked when Kakashi walked towards them.

 

Kakashi held his ANBU mask at his side, expression hard even under his other mask. He glanced at Sakura, but didn’t acknowledge her presence further. His black and grey uniform was free of blood, Sakura noted. 

 

“Yes.”

 

Ibiki nodded and Kakashi was on his way. Sakura spun on her heels to call after him. “Senpai!”

 

He ignored it, disappearing from her sight when he turned at a corner. Ibiki’s hand ushered her forward and into the captive’s naked cell, save for a light bulb hanging from the ceiling and the chair he was tied to. The door closed heavily behind them, the sound of the padlock locking louder than the door itself.

 

“A pretty girl, now?” the man chuckled. “That wasn’t quite the kind of torture I expected from Konoha’s famous interrogators.”

 

Sakura scoffed. She circled around him first, examining his bindings. He wouldn’t wrestle himself free anytime soon.

 

“I know you, don’t I?” he said, craning his neck to look at her when she stepped behind him. “You’re Hatake’s student, Sakura something.”

 

“Did you know that when you attacked me?” Sakura said quietly, unwinding the bandages around her arms. 

 

“Never seen you in the flesh before,” he answered. He had a noticeable accent, though he clearly morphed it in an aberration of an imitation of another. “It’s true what they say; you’re quite beautiful.”

 

When the last of her bandages dropped to the ground, she walked around the chair to face him, her arms bare to his view. The flesh was still horribly red, depressed in a few areas where the fire had melted it near to the bone. Indeed, it would be months of before it would be anywhere close to a normal sight. 

 

“What’s your name?” Sakura asked. “It’s only fair, since you know me so well.”

 

“Hiruto,” he answered, eyes travelling down to her arms, a hint of fear in them. 

 

“Such a common name,” Sakura sighed, taking a moment to observe Hiruto. “It’s a shame. What’s your last name, then?”

 

Hiruto’s shirt was spotted with blood here and there, but nothing more. From the bend of his arm, Sakura guessed a severe fracture. Kakashi was never one to get dirty if he could avoid it. 

 

“I don’t know yours,” Hiruto said quickly. “I thought you liked things fair.”

 

Sakura stepped closer to him, lifting his chin with a finger to see angry red marks on his neck. He was a tough one. “It’s Haruno.”

 

“It’s pretty.”

 

“Isn’t it?” Sakura said as she bent down to lift his shirt. 

 

That was where Kakashi had let loose. Several fractured ribs and extensive internal trauma if the black and blue color of his skin didn’t lie. This wasn’t standard interrogation procedure.

 

“Yoshida Hiruto,” he finally said. “That’s my name.”

 

Sakura watched him closely as he spoke. If he lied, the signs were easily covered. His heart had been racing before she entered the room and hadn’t stopped. Fear already dilated his pupils. He offered no superfluous details, either. 

 

“And where are you from, Hiruto?” Sakura asked as she dropped his shirt. 

 

“That’s what your sensei has been trying to find out,” Hiruto chuckled. “And that burly bald one, too.”

 

“It’s what they do,” Sakura said, sitting on the chair across from his. She leaned back into it, crossing her legs. 

 

“Is that what you do, too?” Hiruto asked, eyebrows bunching together. “I didn’t know medics doubled as interrogators now.”

 

“I’m not.” Sakura shook her head. Idly, she tugged at her pant leg. Hiruto’s eyes followed the movement. “I failed the exam.”

 

“Your credentials are impressive enough as it is,” Hiruto said, eyes back up to her face. “Aren’t they?”

 

“Jonin, head of medicine, the Hokage’s apprentice, Hatake Kakashi’s favorite student,” Sakura listed, tapping one finger on the fingernails of the other hand. “Is it ever enough?”

 

“Why did you fail?” Hiruto asked, more apprehensive. He pulled at his restraints discreetly.

 

Sakura shrugged. “They don’t tell you.”

 

“You’ve got it or you don’t, huh?” he said, smiling awkwardly.

 

Sakura nodded. “This isn’t what I’m here for, though.”

 

“What are you here for, then?” His breath had quickened, shaking barely audible. 

 

“See this?” Sakura pointed at her forearm. “This is quite an annoyance.”

 

“I’d imagine so,” Hiruto said quickly. “I didn’t do this, though. You were already wounded when we attacked.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Sakura said as she stood up. “A friend of yours did, though. You hoped you could hide that little tidbit by killing us.”

 

“I’m just obeying orders from my boss,” Hiruto defended. He shut his eyes, anticipating pain. “Coin is coin.”

 

“That’s just the thing,” Sakura whispered, kneeling down before him. She tore his shirt in half and he jumped, exhaling a shaky breath in relief when there was no pain. “Mercenaries know who Hatake Kakashi is. No coin is enough for his head; let alone mine and his.”

 

When she pressed her palms to his chest, tears streaked down Hiruto’s cheeks and he grit his teeth. Sakura frowned. Crying during torture was far from uncommon. Only, she had done nothing. Hiruto cried out of hopelessness. He wasn’t going to speak. He knew this wouldn’t end.

 

“What a cruel boss you have,” Sakura cooed, getting to work on fixing Hiruto’s liver. Kakashi had really done a number on him. “You know what’s waiting for you.”

 

Hiruto looked down at her through watery eyes, his breathing loud through his clogged nose. “It’s the life we chose.”

 

Sakura’s eyes softened and she avoided his eyes. “Treason or capture, it’s all the same, isn’t it?”

 

Hiruto nodded, letting a sob escape him. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered. “Kakashi was out of bounds; this isn’t right, what he did to you.”

 

Hiruto didn’t speak. A few of tears landed on Sakura’s arms. Sakura held in a hiss of pain. They were far too sensitive to be exposed yet. Carefully, she cupped Hiruto’s cheeks in her hands and brought her lips to his ear.

 

Perhaps it was too soon, but it was worth a try. “I can end this for you. Complications from such wounds are frequent; they’ll believe me.”

 

“Please,” Hiruto croaked. 

 

“Are you sure?” she breathed out, voice cracking. 

 

“Compassion, that’s why you failed, didn’t you?” Hiruto chuckled brokenly. “I see why you chose to be a medic, now. Just get it over with.”

 

“You just need to tell me one thing, before I can help,” Sakura whispered, brushing her lips against his ear.  Her palms were still pressed to his abdomen. All she needed to was let her chakra flow into his body and then cut. There wouldn’t even be a trace on his skin, besides the blood under it that was show as a blue mark. “Only what country your boss is affiliated with.”

 

Hiruto swallowed, hesitating. Sakura cursed inwardly, afraid she’d lost her chance.

 

“Iwa,” he whispered. “We’re all from Iwa.”

 

Sakura expelled a breath of relief and stood up. She walked around him to gather her bandages and headed for the door. 

 

Behind her, Hiruto stomped the floor. “Where are you going?! You’re not -- “

 

The sound of the padlock coming free and the door opening startled him into silence. Sakura left without looking back. Once in the safety of the outside, Sakura grit her teeth and exhaled through her nose. 

 

Ibiki placed a hand on her shoulder. “That was good work, Haruno.”

 

Sakura wiped a tear from her eyes, nodding. “Thank you.”

 

Ibiki escorted her through the hallways, needing to say no more. Sakura retrieved fresh bandages from her pouch and wrapped her arms as they walked. Her interrogation style wasn’t deficient; Ibiki simply knew she wouldn’t be able to endure this like they did. It would never be in the heart of a person dedicated to saving lives to do so. 

 

Baby face, Shokubai had said. It was true, she looked young. She looked cute and trustworthy. Nice and compassionate. It worked to her advantage more often than not.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

The cenotaph had become both her favorite and most hated place to visit. On one hand, it was the only place where she could be close to those she had lost, but it was also where she cried and remained alone for the longest. Granted, there were only three names engraved in it that had truly been an essential part of her life and that she couldn't have done without, but they were three too many.

 

"Hayate-kun," Sakura greeted as she kneeled by the monument.

 

"I'm sorry, it's been a while," she apologized as she fingered the letters of his name. "I've been busy."

 

For a moment, she closed her eyes, reciting in her mind the words of comfort and well-wishes she always repeated for her fiancé here. There was no way to tell if he could hear them, for him to know that she still remembered him and visited him, but it meant something to her, at the very least.

 

“I’ve gotten myself in trouble again,” Sakura chuckled, her fingers tracing Hayate’s name. “I’m in ANBU now. I followed Kakashi there. I don’t think it’ll work out. My squad has been fighting non-stop since I’ve joined them. They hate each other.”

 

"I guess you aren't gonna help me with this, huh?" Sakura scoffed after a moment of silence, flicking a syllable of Hayate's name on the stone, careful not to damage it. "I can't blame you."

 

Again, she remained silent, eyes never leaving his name. Hayate had died in the same way thousands of others had. For no reason, if she dared say so. His death was unfair. Just as she taken many lives on missions and bereaved many, someone had stolen him from her. Completing a mission objective and defending their own lives were why other ninja had killed him. Even if she wished to with all her might, Sakura couldn't blame them. Blaming them would mean hating herself as well.

 

"It's already been four years," she whispered, lowering her head when her neck and shoulders felt too exhausted to support it anymore. "Four years and eight days."

 

Deciding that if he really was still there somewhere he would already know, she continued speaking. "My teammate, Kunan, he’s a little like you, you know." With guilt still prickling on her skin, she fidgeted with her fingers, stalling for time that didn't matter. "I think he likes me," she finally admitted, looking up at the stone again. "Kakashi hates him, I think..." She sighed, undoing the knot of her hitai-ate and removing it from her head to let her hair loose. "I've been... I've been with him too. I don't need to explain, do I? Even you said you were wary of Kakashi-senpai back then."

 

It was true. Hayate had, even though seldom, voiced his dislike of her tight bond to Kakashi, no matter how many times she explained there had never been anything between them. Of course, she had left out a few unsavory details, but, in the end, she was telling the truth. Kakashi never allowed anything more. "I hope you know I really never cheated on you, not with Kakashi-senpai or anyone else. For the two years we were together, you were my one and only."

 

When the words left her lips, Sakura felt her jaw tighten and tears well up in her eyes as the familiar pain spread in her chest, flowing without effort to every part of her. "I wish you still were. I wish you still were," she sobbed, covering her mouth with her palm. "Everything was so easy with you."

 

Hayate had never been anything but kind and gentle to her. It felt as if he had never feared anything. Regardless of her reputation of uncontrollable anger and strength, or how unapproachable she was, he had come to her one night, in a bar.

 

Sakura giggled to herself as she remembered the first time they had met. She had been nothing but cruel to him when he was truly offering help, but he hadn't let go. Hayate never let go when he was convinced of something, so much that it was admirable.

 

"Kankan-chan," she sighed. "It really did fit me, huh?"

 

In his own stupid way, he demonstrated the bravery and mockery no one else dared to. He took her temper and showed it to her as it was: silly.

 

"Kunan is a bit like you," Sakura chuckled. "But he's not so reckless and he has some tact."

With a smile, she brushed her fingers along the kanji of his name. "Do you think he would be good for me? I don’t know why I’m even bothering to ask. I think I’m desperate.”

 

Even if she knew no answer would suddenly drop from the sky or anything of the sort, Sakura was always disappointed when he didn't reply. The exact sound of his voice had been the first memory of him to fade and she would have given far too much only to hear it again. "If he is a lot like you, then I guess he can't be bad, right? I know no one will ever be like you, and I don't want them to be. No one can be Hayate-kun."

 

Their relationship had been nothing short of perfect, if not for the lack of time together every now and then due to missions. As much as he mocked her and dragged her through the craziest things, Hayate had never drifted away from her. Through everything, he held her hand and supported her.

 

"I should probably go now," she sighed, forcing herself to stand up when she felt pins and needles in her feet. "My chuunins are still doing good and we have to meet soon." She kissed the tips of her fingers and brushed them against his name. "I'm happy I got to talk to you today."

 

When Sakura stood and turned around, she stilled. Kakashi stood a few feet away, hands shoved into his pockets. 

 

Sakura smiled, sliding her hands in the pockets of her pants, much like him. She stared down at her feet, kicking dirt. “I knew you’d come here anyway.”

 

Kakashi didn’t respond. He stood still as a rock, unmoving. Sakura chuckled and stepped closer to him. Kakashi had avoided her for their entire week back in Konoha, but his visits to the cenotaph were set in stone. Her presence wasn’t enough of a reason to deviate from old habits.

 

“You know why I joined ANBU,” Sakura said, reaching between them to toy with the hem of his sweater. “Neither of us really wants to say why.”

 

“Sakura.”

 

“No, I’ve had enough of that,” Sakura said evenly, shaking her head. “I’m tired of watching you run and trying to catch up with you.”

 

“Stop, then,” Kakashi said, catching her fidgeting hand.

 

“You know I can’t.” Sakura watched his hand. It was so large compared to hers. “I won’t stay on the sidelines while I watch you kill yourself. I don’t care what you have to say about it.”

 

“Sakura-chan,” Kakashi tried to reassure, lowering his mask in an attempt to appear earnest. “I’m not like my father.”

 

“No, you’re not.” Sakura smiled, her heart so heavy it was hard to breath. Undeterred, Sakura tilted her head back to look at Kakashi’s face, sliding her fingers down his curved jaw. “You’ll let it happen on the battlefield, instead.”

 

“It’s the life we chose.”

 

Sakura exhaled slowly and snaked her arms around Kakashi’s chest. She held on tight, pressing her cheek against his hard chest. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek, hard and steady. “I wish you didn’t think I was so blind.”

 

Kakashi didn’t move. Sakura sniffed, wiping more tears from her eyes before she distanced herself from him. He wouldn’t speak to her. Even when she walked away, her heart in pieces, Kakashi didn’t call after her. Maybe he watched her back until he couldn’t see her; she didn’t bother to look back.

 

She needed a drink.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Missy miss,” it called. “My poor, poor, missy miss.”

 

Sakura blinked. It was dark, as it always was, but she could make out that she was in a bedroom, on the bed. Sakura started when a warmth cupped her cheek. 

 

“Missy miss,” it cooed. “You’re so beautiful, missy miss.”

 

Sakura shut her eyes again, jaw tight. She didn’t want to hear it. 

 

“Missy miss,” it whispered, inching closer, molding its welcoming body to hers. “I can’t believe how lucky I am, missy miss.”

 

“Why?” Sakura croaked, hating herself for how she leaned into it. 

 

“Missy miss,” it chastised. “Because you are an amazing woman, missy miss.”

 

“I’m not,” Sakura defended, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m not.”

 

“Missy miss,” it murmured, wiping away her tears. “You’re the only woman for me, missy miss.”

 

Choking out a sob, Sakura rolled on her side to wrap her arms around it, crying into its shoulder.

 

“Missy miss,” it continued. “You are everything I want, missy miss.”

 

Sakura held on tight, her sobs easing until she was silent again.

 

“Missy miss,” it said, calm. “I love you, missy miss.”

 

“I love you too,” Sakura whispered. 

 

“Missy miss,” it whispered into her ear. “I’ll kill myself before I let myself have you, missy miss.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura started awake, eyes wide and searching the darkness. Instinctively, she rolled onto her side, frantically grabbing until her fingers met with skin. Fondling and tugging, she recognized it as a man’s shoulder. 

 

“Sakura?” he said, voice laden with sleep. “What are you doing?”

 

Sakura frowned, chest heaving. 

 

“Sakura?”

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, mustering an ounce of control. 

 

Sakura knew she’d had another of those nightmares with the silly nickname she couldn’t quite pinpoint, but why she’d woken into such a state was a mystery. 

 

“Hey,” he said, rolling on his side to face her. “Come here.”

 

Sakura frowned as she realized the voice wasn’t Kakashi’s but Kunan’s. “Kunan?”

 

“Did you expect someone else?” Kunan chuckled, pulling her into his embrace. “I’m a little offended.”

 

Sakura swallowed. She felt her skin on his, comforting and warm. Her inner thighs were clammy and for obvious reasons. She’d really overdone it on the sake. 

 

“Sakura, say something,” Kunan said, forcing her to look up into his frowning face. 

 

“It’s nothing,” Sakura said, meek. “It was just a nightmare.”

 

“You don’t know why you’re here, do you?” he said, laughter in his eyes and ready to come out his smirking mouth. “I didn’t think you were so drunk.”

 

“I’ve never had blackouts before,” Sakura muttered, feeling that there was something more to it but refusing to dwell on it. “I guess I wasn’t in a good shape to begin with.”

 

“Do you want to go?” Kunan asked, disappointment thick in his voice. 

 

“No. It’s the middle of the night,” Sakura whispered, leaning into him. Kunan tightened his hold on her, pulling her closer to him. Cuddled against him, Sakura bit her lip to refrain from commenting on how comfortable he was; she was so used to Kakashi’s hard and taut body. “This wasn’t such a terrible place to end up at.”

 

Kunan kissed her temple, running his fingers along the length of her body. “That’s quite a hit on my ego,” he chuckled. “You can’t even remember what I did to you?”

 

Sakura bit her lip, goosebumps rising on her skin when Kunan’s hand reached between them to caress her inner thigh. “Sorry. It wasn’t my intention. I’m sure you were  marvelous .”

 

“I’ll show you  marvelous ,” Kunan growled into her neck, pushing her onto her back.

 

Sakura groaned when his lips latched onto one of her nipples, his hand already quite busy between her legs. It wasn’t long before she grabbed the sides of his head and forced him back up to kiss him. He complied easily, wrestling her into submission under him while they kissed. 

 

“Don’t make me wait,” Sakura growled, feeling him hard between her legs already. “I’ve got no patience left today.”

 

“See,” Kunan chuckled, stealing another kiss. “I did a  marvelous job the first time around. Look how badly you want me to fuck you already.”

 

Sakura scoffed, trying to lock her legs around his hips but failing. Instead, he rolled her onto her stomach, grabbing her hips to raise them where he wanted them. 

 

He leaned over her, pressing his lips to her ear. “Say it.”

 

“Fuck me,” Sakura pleaded, ignoring the blood that rushed to her cheeks. 

 

“Good girl.” Kunan thrusted into her slowly, both of them moaning in satisfaction.

 

As he settled in a fast, but not quite rough, rhythm, Kunan reached under her to rub his thumb against her clit. Sakura bit her lip, bucking her hips against his. Kunan would force her body into climax when he saw it fit. Sakura was at his mercy. She moaned, gripping the sheets, loving the way her even her body submitted to him without a fight. 

 

“Fuck,” Kunan ground out, his fingernails digging into her hip. “Show it to me again; show me how you come.”

 

It wasn’t long before he had what he wanted. Sakura fought back the pleasured scream when she contracted around him, each wave stronger than the other. Kunan was panting above her, struggling to hold back.

 

“Cum in me,” Sakura groaned, reaching back to hold him when he tried to pull back.

 

Kunan didn’t need to be told twice, or maybe she didn’t give him a chance. She bucked her hips against him again and he thrusted into her as deep as he could, crushing her body against his as he grunted. Sakura moaned again, loving the way he twitched inside of her before it was all over.

 

“You are on birth control, right?” Kunan breathed out into her neck, chest heaving on top of her back. 

 

“Yeah,” Sakura fibbed. She didn’t need it, anyway. “No worries.”

 

“Okay.” He rolled onto his back, panting. “Come here.”

 

Sakura groaned as she obeyed, her limbs so heavy with the desire to sleep. She pressed her body to his side, laying her head on his chest. Kunan wrapped one arm around her, his breath already evening out as he succumbed to sleep.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	7. Nightmares

xxx

 

"Kakashi-senpai," Sakura greeted, a large white towel wrapped around her body. "I thought it would be nice to join you."

 

"How nice of you to join me," Kakashi joked, eyes on hers but really focused on her hands, peeling the towel from her body. He’d enjoyed the hot spring until now, most of all its deserted state. Konoha didn’t have such nice springs. One of the advantages of missions away from home. “I didn’t expect any company.”

 

Sakura dipped a foot in the water, testing its warmth, as she finally dropped the towel to the ground. Kakashi was tempted to cough in his fist at the view of her choice of attire, but resisted. Sakura had always favored more modest apparel. The redness she couldn’t keep away from her cheeks sparked a different reaction, though.

 

"Don't tell me you still shop in the kids' section, Sakura?" Kakashi teased, his eyebrow arched as he looked her up and down.

 

"What are you talking about, Kakashi-senpai?" Sakura mumbled, dropping down in the water quickly enough to send droplets of water to splash him.

 

"Nothing," Kakashi chuckled, reclining where he sat to rest his head on the rock behind him.

 

Sakura scoffed. "You're the worst."

 

Kakashi simply smiled through his mask, arms spread at his sides.

 

"Do you want a massage, Kakashi-senpai?"

 

Kakashi opened his eye, looking straight into hers before he answered dryly, "No."

 

Sakura avoided his gaze, lips pursed. Then, she treaded through the water to his side, slapping the water to splash his face. Kakashi recoiled, but he didn’t say anything. “I was trying to be nice. No need to be such a jerk.”

 

Kakashi knew he should have seen it coming, but he still found himself watching when the knot of her bikini came undone, the strings falling down her chest to float in the water. Sakura let out a weak shriek when she saw them, covering herself with her arms. Immediately, she pushed herself over to Kakashi's side and sat with her back to him.

 

"Could you tie that again for me?" 

 

She knew that over her shoulder, he could see a nipple she had neglected to hide well enough in her fake modesty. At the very least, the color on her cheeks wasn’t a lie.

 

Breathing in deeply, Kakashi placed his hands on her shoulders, far away from the strings. Too roughly, perhaps, he pulled and pushed until her back hit the wall and he was in front of her. He saw the spark in her eyes, the beginning of a smile she was too eager to conceal.

 

"Do you know what men can do, Sakura?" Kakashi said, his voice even as his eye bored into hers, one of his fists gripping her bikini between her breasts, making the straps dig into her ribs.

 

"W-what?" Sakura gasped, frozen where she sat, immobilized by his unexpected reaction.

 

"I said," Kakashi murmured, leaning in even closer. "Do you know what men can do?"

 

Her eyes searched his face, uncertain, before she nodded and said, "Yes.”

 

"I'm not joking, Sakura," he growled, tugging on the flimsy fabric that no longer covered her chest.

 

"I'm not joking!" Sakura cried out. "I know, okay?"

 

Then, Kakashi realized that the pain in her eyes was real, more than a knee-jerk reaction to his aggression. The tension in his arm melted, leaving it to float in the water by her side.

 

"Who?" Kakashi growled, breath picking up.

 

"It doesn't matter, stop it," Sakura let out, pushing him away and heading for her towel.

 

He grabbed her arm before she could haul herself out of the pool. "When?"

 

"Why are you asking me all of this? It doesn't concern you," she growled, yanking her arm free to get out of the water.

 

"I made sure you never left on missions without me," Kakashi whispered, eye lowered as he searched his memory for any time it could have happened.

 

"Not everyone celebrates the end of the war in good ways," Sakura mumbled, quickly and clumsily wrapping her towel around her body before she walked towards their inn.

 

Kakashi chased after her, grabbing her shoulder again. "I'm sorry I let--"

 

Sakura cut him off before he could continue. "You didn't let anything happen. You were out cold in a bunk somewhere. Stop acting like everything is your fault!"

 

He still didn't let go. "I didn't mean to... to remind you," Kakashi let out, obviously uncomfortable and feeling guilty beyond words. "Or frighten you."

 

"You're the only one I'm never afraid around, Kakashi-senpai," Sakura whispered, finally looking up at him.

 

With a little hesitation, she stepped forward and hugged him, pressing her cheek against his hot skin. His hands remained at her shoulders, twitching with uncertainty.

 

Sakura raised a hand to his neck, feeling the wet fabric of his mask, before she tilted her head back to look at his face again. Kakashi watched her stand on the tips of her toes, still so short compared to him. Before she could press her lips to his, Kakashi cupped her cheeks, his fingers tightening around the back of her head to still her movements.

 

"Go back to the hotel, Sakura-chan.” 

 

Even as he told her to go away, he knew he was leaning forward, that closing his eyes in an attempt to center himself helped little. He knew when his clothed lips brushed against hers as he spoke, because he felt the warmth of hers through his mask. Then, he turned her away with a jerk of his wrists, and Sakura fled.

 

xxx

 

Chapter Seven: Nightmares

 

...

 

“Wake up, princess,” Kunan said as he shook her shoulder. “We’ve got a visitor.”

 

Sakura grumbled a variety of curses and rolled onto her stomach, pulling the covers above her head. “I’ll play dead. Don’t worry, they won’t know I’m here.”

 

“I have a feeling I’m the not only one he wants to see,” Kunan chuckled. 

 

Another knock came from the door. Sakura groaned and sat up, her senses coming back to her enough to feel Kakashi’s chakra. She groaned as she crawled out of bed and searched the room for her clothes. Now that she wasn’t quite drunk or passed out, she was surprised to find Kunan lived in an apartment much like Kakashi’s. He had a sink, stove and fridge, though. 

 

Kunan didn’t wait for her to dress to go open the door. 

 

“Hey -- can’t you wait a second?” Sakura growled, hopping in her pants. Where had her panties gone? And her bra? There was her shirt, at least.

 

“A little early, don’t you think?” Kunan said, sidestepping to let Kakashi in. 

 

“Apologies.” Kakashi watched her; Sakura could see it over Kunan’s shoulder as she slipped into her sweater. “Duty calls.”

 

“We have another mission?” Sakura asked, walking to them now that she was more presentable. Her cheeks burned and were certainly a lovely shade of red, but that wasn’t quite on the forefront of her mind. 

 

Kakashi nodded, handing them both a scroll. “Details are inside. We’ll leave at midnight, tonight.”

 

Sakura tore open the scroll, eyes scanning it quickly. When she spotted the Tsuchikage’s name, her breath caught in her throat. “Are… Are we really going to meet with the Tsuchikage?”

 

Kakashi frowned, not missing the way the blood drained from her face. “Is that a problem, Sakura?”

 

Sakura paused, then rolled the scroll back up. “No.”

 

Kunan was staring at her, too, trying his best to guess what was wrong with her. Kakashi nodded and headed for the door. “I’ll see you tonight then.”

 

“Ah, senpai!” Sakura called, jogging after him. “Wait!”

 

Kakashi didn’t slow down, letting her catch up to him a small distance down the hallway of Kunan’s apartment building.

 

“Kakashi-senpai,” Sakura said, reaching for his sleeve. “I -- “

 

“You don’t need to say anything,” Kakashi said as he turned to face her. “It’s like you said; you’re not a child anymore. I know.”

 

“That’s not…” Sakura whispered, avoiding his gaze. “I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Later,” Kakashi said, resuming his walk. 

 

Sakura sighed, rooted to the spot a little longer before common sense reminded her to go back inside with Kunan.

 

“You don’t want to go Iwa,” Kunan needlessly pointed out, sidestepping the awkwardness between them. “Why is that?”

 

He was offended that she’d run after Kakashi, Sakura knew. “It’s nothing. Don’t mind it.”

 

Kunan nodded, knowing better than to probe into sensitive memories. While Sakura searched for her underwear, he prepared tea. 

 

“Why does one shove panties under a mattress?” Sakura thought out loud, frowning at herself. Her bra hung from the windowsill. “How stupid is that?”

 

“I think you did that in your sleep.” Kunan chuckled, handing her a scalding mug of tea. “You were moving around a lot, you might have sleepwalked.”

 

Sakura sighed and shoved the offensive underwear into her pockets. Today was going to be a long day.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Reaching the mountains of Iwa had taken them a whole two days of travel. Hiruto wasn’t quite the fastest prisoner to drag around. The sun was up now, and Sakura was glad to have her ANBU mask covering her face. Hiruto recognized her regardless, of course, from the color of her hair, but he hadn’t said anything. Shame was drawn all over him, from the way his head hung low to his limp limbs. 

 

With the mask on, Sakura didn’t have to worry so much about hiding the hammering of her heart or the sweat that coated her forehead. Perhaps, with the mask, if she covered her hair, he wouldn’t recognize her and --

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura jumped, head whipping towards Kakashi.

 

“I need to have a word with you,” he ordered more than asked, motioning for her to follow him.

 

Sakura swallowed. Shokubai and Kunan’s eyes were on her as they distanced themselves from the rest of the group. Sakura wished they could mind their own business for once

 

“You don’t want to go to Iwa,” Kakashi said bluntly, removing her mask before she could stop him.

 

Sakura reached for her but he raised it above his head. “Give it back!”

 

“You don’t want to see Hisao,” Kakashi precised, letting her grab the mask.

 

“Why would I be so against seeing Tsuchikage-sama, he’s -- “

 

“Cut the bullshit, Sakura,” Kakashi warned, his voice raising dangerously in volume. Sakura’s lips thinned in a small line. “I can see it, it’s all over your face. Learn to lie better. The mask won’t do it for you.”

 

Sakura shut her eyes tight as she placed the mask back on her face. 

 

“This is why you never told me,” Kakashi added, the same anger in his tone. “You thought it would -- “

 

“Kakashi-senpai,” Sakura pleaded, clutching at her hands. “Don’t do this. You can’t force this out of me -- it’s mine!”

 

The tension in Kakashi’s shoulders lessened and he returned to his usual slouch. Sakura stared at her feet. It was her secret, and hers alone. 

 

“Did Tsunade know?” 

 

Sakura shook her head. “No one does.”

 

Kakashi looked to the side, his chest expanding as he breathed in deeply. Sakura fidgeted with her thumbs, worried how he might react when they met with Hisao. Kakashi wasn’t known to let emotions meddle with missions, but she was afraid this was a problem he couldn’t ignore.

 

“Sakura,” he finally said, removing his mask, his sharingan exposed and spinning. “Look at me.”

 

“What is it?” Sakura muttered, looking up at Kakashi’s mismatched eyes.

 

“I can make you forget, if you let me.” They both knew he didn’t need her permission. He could erase the memory from her brain and she would never know the difference. “Look at me.”

 

At me -- Kakashi truly considered the sharingan an integral piece of himself. Sakura had always thought of it as a parasite, rather. 

 

The sound of metal colliding against metal surprised them both. They turned to see Kunan had successfully blocked a shuriken from killing their captive.

 

“Shit,” Kakashi cursed.

 

Sakura and Kakashi sprung to regroup, but a wall of earth blocked their path. Punching through it wasn’t an option; the enemy was already attacking again. They both recognized the seals as a high-level lightning jutsu. Kakashi ushered Sakura behind him, repeating the same signs. When both jutsu clashed, Sakura cowered and covered her ears, gritting her teeth. Such a large concentration of lightning too close always made Sakura nauseous.The hair rising on her skin, the jolts that whipped her skin -- worst of all, the sound. The screech.

 

As soon as it dissipated, Sakura took down the wall. 

 

“Retreat!” an enemy called, and they were all running away already.

 

Kakashi ran past her back to the group and Sakura followed. Hiruto’s mangled corpse lay between Kunan and Shokubai, burned and disfigured beyond recognition. Kakashi cursed again.

 

“Follow them!” he barked. “Capture any of them!”

 

They sprinted after the enemy, but they already had a head start. They chased them in silence, too far for any kind of confrontation, for more hours than Sakura cared to count. The sun was already close to reaching its zenith.

 

“They’re going towards Ame,” Kunan said, frowning. “We’re almost there.”

 

“Kakashi-senpai?” Sakura called. They all knew what their plan was -- use the civilians to their advantage. 

 

Kakashi didn’t speak. 

 

He knew that, if he asked her to, she could run faster than all of them for a short period of time, using her chakra to propel herself. It would leave her entirely open to the enemy’s attacks, though. Sakura had already counted twelve of them back near the mountains.

 

“The plan stays the same,” he finally said. “We chase them until we can’t.”

 

Even if they managed to catch one, they most likely all carried explosives. They wouldn’t let themselves be caught. 

 

When they reached Ame, the enemy took the rooftops, slowing to a stop in the center of the city. Kakashi signaled his squad to stop and wait for his command. Too long for Sakura’s liking, Kakashi and the leader of the other side only glared each other down. Finally, the enemy gave the signal to resume their race, though not without striking down a few buildings on their way.

 

“Captain?” Shokubai called, unsure.

 

“Let them,” Kakashi said, removing his mask. “There would be too many casualties.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura sighed as they walked up the stairs of the same inn they’d stayed in the last time they were in Ame. They walked to the end of the hallway, to the same two rooms. Sakura couldn’t wait to crash into bed and forget the day as a whole. Her arms were killing her again and it would still be a few minutes before the painkillers kicked it. A few minutes too many.

 

Kunan hesitated when he unlocked the door to his room, throwing a glance over his shoulder towards Sakura.

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura turned her head towards Kakashi, blinking. “Yes?”

 

Kakashi simply motioned for her to follow him, disappearing inside. Kunan watched her, perhaps hoping she wouldn’t obey. Sakura avoided looking at him, slipping in Kakashi’s room before she closed the door behind her.

 

Kakashi was waiting for her, facing her, his porcelain mask long removed. “Come here.”

 

Sakura diligently obeyed, stopping shy of his reach. Kakashi stepped closer, sliding one hand up her cheek and into her hair. Sakura didn’t look at him; she didn’t want to see the sharingan.

 

“I meant what I said at the border,” Kakashi said, cutting straight to the heart of the subject. Sakura wished he’d simply forgotten about it. “It’s likely we’ll still have to meet with him. Look at me, Sakura.”

 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sakura obeyed. She looked straight in the spinning red orb that was the monstrosity of the sharingan. Sakura understood the significance of it to Kakashi; it was Obito’s gift. But the sharingan was merely the physical form of hatred and pain.

 

“Don’t move,” he whispered. “It’ll be over quickly.”

 

Sakura frowned and pulled Kakashi’s forehead protector down over his eye. “No.”

 

“You won’t know the difference, Sakura,” Kakashi said, hand already on his headband, waiting for her to accept. 

 

“Do you want to forget everything that hurts, senpai?” Sakura whispered, stubbornly holding his protector down. “Is that what you would do, if you had the choice?”

 

Kakashi paused. Reluctantly, he lowered his hand. 

 

“You’re better than that, Kakashi-senpai,” Sakura whispered, offering him a forced smile. “And so am I.”

 

Kakashi pulled down his mask and leaned down to kiss her, hips lips moving too hard against hers when she responded. Not giving her a chance to catch her breath, he led her to the bed, lowering her onto it. Barely a second later, his lips were on hers again. Their kiss was broken again when Sakura pulled his shirt up to remove it, taking a second to run a hand up his chest before he did the same for her shirt.

 

Her pants and underwear didn't take long to join the rest of the clothes on the floor. Kakashi kissed his way down her neck, moving down to tease one of her nipples.

 

"Kakashi..." Sakura whispered, tugging at his pants.

 

Obediently, he pulled them down before settling between her thighs. Sakura whimpered weakly, locking her legs around his  hips. It stung a little when he thrust into her, but she moaned nonetheless and tightened the grip of her legs, loving the warmth that traveled from her crotch to her breasts.

 

Sakura tugged at his arms until he lay over her, pressed to her. She wrapped her own arms around him, clinging to him as she breathed heavily into the crook of his neck. Immediately, he imitated her, giving her neck a kiss every now and then.

 

Kakashi's pace was faster than the last time, harsher. Sakura whimpered in his arms, reveling in the feel of his skin against hers. He was warm. His chest was hard and pressed down on her breasts almost painfully every time he sank back into her, making her whimper quietly under him. While his stubble scratched her shoulder, his hair tickled her cheek, creating an interesting contrast of sensation for Sakura.

 

His hand trailed down her stomach to her sex so he could stimulate her clit, but she pulled his hand away.

 

"No, just keep going," Sakura breathed in his ear.

 

Kakashi grunted in response and his hands moved to grip her hips, thrusting into her faster and a little harder. A moan escaped his lips as his pace changed, his pleasure seemingly escalating. The sound made Sakura's body tingle and she curled up against him, whimpering again.

 

"Kakashi," she whispered, tangling her fingers in his hair.

 

"Let me --" Before he could finish his sentence, he grunted and stiffened against her, breathing ragged. Kakashi stopped moving for a few seconds. "I can do something different if..."

 

"This is perfect," she breathed out, grinding her hips into his and making him moan again. "Please, don't stop."

 

He complied, resuming the movement of his hips. Sakura gasped, feeling her legs quivering against him. Kakashi groaned, gripping her hips again as his pace became erratic.

 

"Kakashi," she moaned into his ear.

 

Sakura could feel that he was on the verge. Butterflies filled her stomach and she closed her eyes, focusing entirely on him. He was panting against her neck, grunting with every thrust. His chest rubbed against hers smoothly thanks to the thin layer of sweat that now coated their bodies and every time he sank in her, her hips moved to meet his.

 

Even with her eyes closed, Sakura could feel the world spinning around her. There was nothing to see in the darkness. Only him to feel, his moans to hear, his warmth to comfort her.

 

"Sakura," he grunted as he gave one final thrust, spilling his seed in her.

 

Kakashi lied down at her side, pulling her into his embrace. Sleep wasn't hard to find now that she was relaxed.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura woke with a start when Kakashi shook her. Instinctively, she tried to shove him away from her.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi called, holding her tight. “Sakura, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare.”

 

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sakura tried to calm her breathing, her mind still reeling.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Sakura nodded, wiping at the sweat on her forehead. “Yeah, sorry.”

 

Kakashi got out of bed and went in the bathroom. Sakura heard the water running and took a moment to center herself before Kakashi came out with a wet hand towel.

 

“Here.”

 

Sakura took it, pressing the cold cloth to her neck. “Thanks.”

 

“Which one was it?” He sat by her, massaging her shoulder.

 

Sakura pressed the cloth to the chest, easing the beating of her heart. “The war.”

 

Kakashi didn’t say anything, his fingers still rubbing her shoulder.

 

“Kakashi-senpai, can you…”

 

Sakura didn’t need to finish her sentence for Kakashi to move behind her, pulling her body between his legs so she could lay against his chest. Sakura pressed her cheek to the material of his shirt, forcing her breaths to even out. That was the way he’d held her, that night, when Pein destroyed the village and she felt like a part of her world ended. 

 

“Go back to sleep, Sakura,” Kakashi said into her hair. “It’s all over. It’s fine, now.”

  
  


...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Go tell Hokage-sama that Squad Mutt is back,” Kakashi ordered to one of Tsunade’s assistants, a small woman who looked like she never handled more than paperwork. “It’s urgent.”

 

“Squad Mutt?” Sakura said indignantly, frowning. “ That’s our name?”

 

“Hokage-sama has a thing with mocking Hatake,” Kunan provided, chuckling. 

 

Sakura huffed. That much was true. Kakashi didn’t react, simply leading them into Tsunade’s office when the assistant came back.

 

“Back so soon?” Tsunade said, standing from her desk and coming closer to greet them. “What happened?”

 

“Our captive was killed and disfigured beyond recognition,” Kakashi explained. “I gave order to chase the enemy; they outnumbered us three to one. We chased them into Ame, where I ended the chase. Civilians casualties were too likely for the low likeliness of capturing another enemy alive.”

 

“Goddamnit!” Tsunade grit her teeth, crossing her arms over her chest. “How did they track you down?”

 

“The captive claimed he was from Iwa,” Kakashi said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “We were attacked when we reached the mountains; they were only so many paths we could take.”

 

Tsunade growled, slamming her fist on her desk. “They have nothing to do with Iwa! It was their scapegoat.”

 

Kakashi nodded. “I came to the same conclusion.”

 

Tsunade ran a hand down her face, leaning the back of her thighs on her desk. “Good work. You’re dismissed.”

 

As they walked outside, Sakura looked up at Kakashi through worried eyes. “Kakashi-sensei?”

 

“Yes, Sakura?”

 

“This narrows down the options?” Sakura whispered, the name on the tip of all their tongues. “Doesn’t it?”

 

“Yes, it does.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura looked up from her book, smiling. “You’re on time.”

 

“I see you’ve spent too much time with our captain,” Kunan joked as he sat beside her. “You forget not everyone is chronically late.”

 

“True,” Sakura chuckled.

 

Around them, the other patrons were loud, either drunk or caring too little about the ruckus they made. Sakura didn’t mind it. It was the very reason reason for bars to exist, after all. 

 

“I see you didn’t wait for me either,” Kunan said, looking down on the table at her glass of umeshu. 

 

“Habit,” Sakura said, sticking the tip of her tongue out. “It makes waiting easier.”

 

“Talking about the devil.” Kunan smirked, pointing at the entrance. Kakashi was walking in. “Hatake!”

 

Kakashi turned to look at them, waving to them before he walked over to them, treading through the crowd.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi greeted, smiling under his mask. “I didn’t expect to see you two here. Are you dating now?”

 

Sakura couldn’t help but throw Kunan an uncertain look. He ignored it, smirking as he stood up. “I’ll go order something. Don’t try to flee, Hatake.”

 

Sakura frowned. Kunan had asked her to come drink with him, just the two of them. What was the point of asking Kakashi to stay with them?

 

Kakashi sat down at her side, leaning back in his chair. “You’re too old for me to play chaperone,” he deadpanned. 

 

“Then what are you doing here?” Sakura snapped, kicking his shin under the table. Kakashi winced and pulled his leg away. “There’s bars everywhere!”

 

“Ow, Sakura!” Kakashi’s eyes narrowed and he glared at her. “Pure coincidence. I swear.”

 

“Lies,” Sakura growled, meeting his glare with her own. “All that comes out of your filthy mouth is lies.”

 

“You two always get along famously, don’t you?” Kunan chuckled as he came back with a full bottle of sake and set of cups.

 

He frowned when he noticed Kakashi had stolen his spot, but didn’t say a word, taking the seat across from Sakura instead. 

 

“ Famously, ” Sakura snorted. “You have no idea.”

 

“I’ve heard a thing or two about you,” Kunan said, smirking as he served the sake. Sakura could only dread what would come out of his mouth next. “Rumor is one of your favorite games is to see who outdrinks who.”

 

“That’s a dangerous game,” Kakashi warned, crossing his arms as he leaned forward. “Are you sure you want to try your hand at this?”

 

“Absolutely.” Kunan nodded, handing Sakura her cup. “Drink.”

 

“What?” Sakura frowned, leaning her elbows on the table. “No way. This isn’t what I signed up for.”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said, pushing the cup closer to her. “Semantics.”

 

Sakura glared them down a second longer before she grabbed the cup and swallowed its contents. “You’ll regret this, both of you. I  swear .”

 

“That’s the spirit,” Kunan laughed. 

 

He emptied his own cup and Kakashi followed suit.

 

It was many a rounds later before Sakura noticed how badly her head swam. Kunan and Kakashi had meant business and didn’t disappoint. They did have the advantage of weighing nearly twice as much as she did.

 

“Hatake,” Kunan said, his hand unstable as he poured them yet another cup. “Sakura sure has grown into a beautiful woman, hasn’t she?”

 

“This is a trick question,” Kakashi complained, frowning. The alcohol had started getting to them quite a while ago, too. “If I say no, I won’t survive.”

 

Sakura rolled her eyes. Sake deserved her attention more than this clown.

 

“Look at her,” Kunan insisted. His dark eyes were on her, examining every little detail of her he could take in. “Sakura, you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve seen. Even drunk.”

 

“Aren’t you charming,” Sakura scoffed, serving the next round.

 

Kakashi took the bottle from her when she spilled some of it, steadying her with his other arm. “You are beautiful, Sakura.”

 

“That wasn’t so hard,” Kunan said, laughing. “Is there anything else you should tell her?”

 

“Yes,” Kakashi answered, solemn. Sakura frowned, the cup of sake tilted against her lips. “Sakura. You’re drunk.”

 

“So are you!” Sakura defended, exasperated. She turned to Kunan. “And you too!”

 

“Perhaps it’s time to head home, then.” Kunan stood, using the table to stabilize himself as he was a little wobbly. “I’ll walk you home, Sakura.”

 

“Oh, it’s fine.” Sakura shook her head. “I don’t live that far.”

 

“I will,” Kakashi said, helping her up. He was much more steady on his feet than either of them. Sakura threw him a nasty look; she hadn’t counted his drinks, but now she was certain he had avoided some rounds. “We’re practically neighbors.”

 

“Sakura?” Kunan said, waiting for her confirmation.

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Sakura said, voice detached. Her bed seemed irresistible right about now. “Let’s go. I wanna sleep.”

 

When they were finally outside, the cold air was all too welcomed by Sakura. Its bite sobered her up a little and reminded her how to walk straight, even though she still leaned heavily on Kakashi. Kunan bid them a nice night and was on his way before Sakura could return the favor. Kakashi led her away.

 

His arm was around her waist, but she had no qualms with it.

 

While they walked, Sakura noticed how empty the streets were. It was late and the moon was high, but there was still a strange feel to it. Like they were the only ones alive left in Konoha. Or like everybody had moved away suddenly and abandoned the village.

 

Snow had fallen and the covered the ground and houses with a fresh coat of white. It was a pretty view.

 

"I love you so much, Kakashi-senpai," Sakura let out as she wrapped her arms around his chest, stilling their steps.

 

"I know, I know," Kakashi replied, ruffling her hair before he restarted walking. "I love you too."

 

"I mean it," Sakura muttered as she struggled to follow his pace. "I love you."

 

"You always tell me that when you're drunk, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, sounding like he was scolding her.

 

"So? Is that so bad?" Sakura mumbled, pouting as she stared at the ground.

 

"People are going to get the wrong idea," he said blankly, urging her to walk faster.

 

Frowning, Sakura made him stop and faced him, pressing her body against his in an intimate hug. "I don't care what people say. Kiss me."

 

"Sakura, let's just get home already," Kakashi sighed, trying to free himself from her arms but she held on tight.

 

"No," Sakura said stubbornly. "Kiss me."

 

She could see he hesitated, even glanced around first, but he complied. Sakura sighed against his masked lips, holding him tighter. For a second, he broke the kiss, only to pull his mask down before he pressed his lips against hers again.

 

"I love you, I really do," Sakura breathed out between a few more kisses.

 

"I know," Kakashi repeated, giving her one last kiss before he replaced his mask and forced her to walk with him. "You love me, Tsunade and Shizune every time we drink."

 

"You're so mean," Sakura sniffed, wiping away a tear that had just fallen from her eye. He was breaking her heart and didn't even pay attention. "I'm trying to be serious."

 

"You can't be serious when you're drunk, Sakura-chan," Kakashi scolded as they arrived to his apartment. “Just listen to how badly you slur.”

 

"Then I'll tell you again when I wake up tomorrow," Sakura said, trying to sound serious but slurring even more than he had mentioned it.

 

When he had opened the door, Sakura was quick to drop on his bed.

 

"You didn't take me home," she said, looking around in slight confusion.

 

"My place was closer. You were walking too slow," Kakashi explained as he helped her out of her clothes.

 

"It's okay. I like being here more," she replied, smiling as she lied down again. "I like sleeping in your bed with you."

 

Kakashi wasn't long to join her, not saying a word when she snuggled up to him, though he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her to him. "Stop talking now, we have to sleep."

 

"Okay," Sakura said, already starting to doze off.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  
  
  



	8. In a Loop Again

xxx

 

“Got you.” 

 

Kakashi was all too relieved when he finally pinned Sakura down, kunai to her throat. He had to lean on the same arm that held his weapon, a rather weak position, but she left him little choice. 

 

“It took you a while this time,” Sakura said, smug, and unbothered by the way his body was practically sprawled over hers.

 

Kakashi let his neck relax, bumping his forehead against hers as he tried to slow his breathing. “You broke the rules.”

 

Sakura frowned, still under him. Only two years a jonin and she was already giving him a hard time in training. “I didn’t.”

 

“You broke my arm,” Kakashi said, letting the kunai slip between his fingers to fall in the grass by her neck. “Help me up, will you?”

 

Sakura jerked in a sitting position, forcing him to do the same. “What? No, I -- “

 

“I think I recognize a broken bone when I have one.”

 

Sakura was frantically inspecting his arm, guilt flooding her eyes as her glowing palms found the fracture. “I’m so sorry,” she blurted out, getting to working immediately. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

Kakashi chuckled, backing away from her so he wouldn’t sit on her legs, even if she cursed at him. 

 

When there was no more healing to do and they sat in the quiet of the afternoon, eating the lunch Sakura always packed for them, Kakashi smiled. 

 

Sakura frowned at him, wary of his tricks. “What is it, Kakashi-senpai?”

 

“Is it really necessary to call me senpai anymore?”

 

Right then, he loved the way her eyes widened, the way they shone with happiness, with pride and everything he ever wanted to see in them. For her, at least, life was what Kakashi had wanted for them, when he’d first seen them sharing food against his orders. 

 

“Kakashi-senpai…”

 

xxx

Chapter Eight: In a Loop Again

 

....

  
  


“Missy miss,” it called yet again. “What are you painting, missy miss?”

 

Painting? Sakura frowned. Looking down at her hands, she noticed she was indeed painting. A picture of a faceless couple, no less. They were about to kiss each other, as the wedding tradition demanded. They were getting married.

 

“Missy miss,” it said. “Why don’t you paint the last stroke, missy miss?”

 

“I’m afraid I’ll ruin it,” Sakura said, the brush uncertain between her fingers. “It’s such a pretty picture.”

 

“Missy miss,” it continued, trying to convince her. “You’ve been working on it for so long. You should finish it now, missy miss.”

 

“I can’t.” Sakura shook her head. “I’m terrible at this.”

 

“Missy miss,” it said, almost angry. “You know exactly what to do. Do it, missy miss.”

 

“I’m afraid,” Sakura said, her voice uneven and betraying the tears that were gathering in her belly, twisting knots into it. “What if I ruin it?”

 

“Missy miss,” it continued. “It’s ruined if you leave it at is, missy miss.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura opened her eyes, squinting when sunlight assaulted them. Scanning her surroundings, she realized she was in Kakashi’s bed. Last night came back to her in flashes and she swallowed a groan. What an embarrassment.

 

“You looked like you were having a nightmare,” Kakashi said, sitting at her side.

 

“I was,” Sakura answered, forcing herself to sit up. 

 

Looking down at herself, Sakura noticed she was wearing Kakashi’s shirt. Kakashi grabbed her shoulder, squeezing it gently. 

 

“Kakashi-senpai,” Sakura said softly. “Kiss me.”

 

Sakura didn’t know why she asked. Why she felt she might die right then if he didn’t comply, but she did. She wanted him to kiss her, to make the move even if she had to ask for it.

 

Kakashi seemed to have a moment's hesitation, but he complied nonetheless. He tangled a hand in the hair on the back of her head and lowered himself enough to plant a few slow kisses on her lips.

 

Sakura could feel her heart beating. Not in a way that signaled fear or exertion, but rather the sort of warm and comforting rhythm that happened whenever she spent a while just staring in a loved one's eyes, knowing that they were there with her, and there to stay. When she knew that they loved her as much as she loved them.

 

Kakashi's eye held an expression she figured must be similar to the one in her own. Quiet, relaxed, comfortable.

 

"What's that smile for?" Kakashi let out as he played with a strand of her pink hair.

 

"What's different about this smile?" Sakura asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

"You're looking at me like I'm all that matters," he mused, cupping her cheeks and flashing her the most sincere smile she’d seen on his face in a while.

 

For a second, Sakura wanted to agree, to tell him that it was the truth and that it couldn't be otherwise.

 

"All about you, huh?" she teased, avoiding his gaze as she crawled off the bed.

 

The beating of her heart wasn't so soothing anymore.

 

"I've always been selfish, haven't I?" Kakashi joked as he sat back on the edge of the bed.

 

"What... what if you were really all that mattered to me?" Sakura asked after she had dressed, her back turned to him as she glanced back at him over her shoulder.

 

Kakashi didn't say a word, gaze locked on his feet.

 

The air was so heavy all of a sudden. Sakura stared at the floor as she waited for him to say something. Still, he said nothing and the weight was becoming too much for her.

 

"Weren't you engaged, once?"

 

Sakura's eyes went wide as she turned around to look at him.

 

"I shouldn't have to tell you about that story all over again," she whispered, blocking any sort of emotion that tried to overwhelm her.

 

"Don't you miss him?" Kakashi continued, as if the subject wasn't so touchy.

 

"Of course, I miss Hayate-kun dearly, but..."

 

"But what?" he insisted, looking straight into her eyes.

 

"What are you looking for, Kakashi-senpai?" Sakura asked directly, frowning.

 

"Will you ever want to spend your life with any other man than him?" Kakashi asked, voice smooth and even.

 

"It's been four years, Kakashi-senpai," she murmured, biting her lip as she held her tears back. "I can't live in the past, it will kill me."

 

Hayate...

 

Again, he said nothing, seemingly mulling over her words.

 

"One day, I'll want to," Sakura said, taking a deep breath. "I want it. Refusing to be happy would be like spitting on their graves."

 

"You're a strong woman, Sakura," Kakashi replied slowly.

 

Silence surrounded them again. Sakura didn't want to ponder over what he implied.

 

A few minutes passed before he spoke up. "Don't you have plans for the day?"

 

He wanted her to go.

 

"I do," Sakura answered, heart sinking into her stomach. "My team is meeting up to train, I'll join them. They can still use my help. I heard Ino was coming back today, too."

 

"I'm sure you'll have a great day then," he said and nodded.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

It was pure luck that had brought her to Ino. Sakura had taken a detour to a neighborhood she didn’t usually visit and Ino had been there, about to enter a restaurant, in which they now sat. Although the food did look delicious, Sakura had no appetite for it.

 

“It’s been forever since we’ve seen each other,” Ino said, scolding. “You’re always so busy.”

 

“Sorry,” Sakura said sheepishly. “I wish I had more time for you.”

 

Ino scoffed, glaring at her. “Right. You’d saw off your own leg before turning down responsibilities. You just love this.”

 

Sakura smirked, bringing a mouthful of food to her mouth. “That’s me, isn’t it?”

 

“Listen, Sakura,” Ino said, suddenly serious. “I’ve got something very important to tell you. I wish I could tell you in a better place, at a better time, but… I haven’t managed to catch you before now and I don’t have any more time.”

 

Sakura frowned, putting her chopsticks down. “Ino?”

 

"I'm pregnant."

 

Sakura choked on her drink and blinked. "Come again?"

 

"I'm pregnant, I really am," Ino repeat, voice soft and cheerful.

 

"You sound happy," Sakura noted, surprised. 

 

"I am," Ino admitted, looking down at her intertwined fingers. "This is a good thing."

 

"Who's the father?" Sakura asked, eyes still wide in awe as they dropped down to her friend's stomach. "How far along are you?"

 

"You don't know him, we haven't been dating very long. He's a high ranked man in a good family, one of Suna's best," Ino started. "I'm four months pregnant."

 

"Wow," Sakura breathed out, truly speechless.

 

"He'll take good care of me," Ino sobbed suddenly, tears welling up in her eyes. "I was never cut out for being a medic or ninja. I'm not like you. I just want a man and a family, a good life."

 

Sakura listened carefully as Ino trailed off, sounding unsure of where she wanted to go. It wasn't the first time that Ino had expressed uncertainty for her choice of career.

 

"Do you love him?" Sakura asked, taking Ino's hands into hers.

 

"I do, so very much," Ino whispered sincerely.

 

"I'm so happy for you then," Sakura smiled, pulling her friend into a tight hug. "You'll be a beautiful and happy mother, Pig."

 

It only caught up to Sakura now. A family from Suna. 

 

“Ino?” Sakura asked, wishing she didn’t have to. “Where does he live?”

 

“In Suna,” Ino whispered, fingers fidgeting together. “That’s why -- I’m moving there with him, today. Everything is already arranged.”

 

Sakura only felt her heart sink further. Ino was abandoning her, she thought, unable to feel otherwise.

 

“You can’t,” Sakura said, frowning. “That’s not a good idea.”

 

“What?” Ino’s fine brows bunched together, the hurt on her face only adding more needles to Sakura’s heart. “Why would you say that? I’m finally doing  one  thing that will make me happy and -- “

 

“I’m sorry.” More than anything, Sakura wished she could tell her why, but the information was far too confidential to share yet, not to mention uncertain. “It’s just… I never thought you’d leave.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

As soon as she’d bid Ino farewell, Sakura ran straight back to Kakashi’s apartment. When he opened the door with a frown on his face, Sakura couldn’t contain her tears anymore. He let her in without a word, closing the door behind her.

 

“Ino’s pregnant,” Sakura finally said, after standing in silence for too long.

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, but she didn’t let him continue.

 

“She’s moving to Suna.” Sakura wiped her eyes. “She’s moving to Suna, Kakashi-senpai.”

 

Kakashi didn’t speak for a while. Sakura felt small under his gaze. It wasn’t hard to feel he didn’t want her here right now. 

 

“Why do you come to me with this?” 

 

Sakura frowned. “Sensei -- “

 

“ Don’t call me that,” he growled, his voice so suddenly venomous it startled Sakura. “Don’t you think I’ve got my own fucking problems to deal with?”

 

“Why are you -- “

 

“No,” he shouted, stepping closer to her only to grab her chin painfully. “Why are  you always here when I tell you to go? Why do you follow me everywhere like a lost puppy?”

 

Sakura shut her eyes, tears falling from her eyes. 

 

“Cry,” Kakashi spat. “It won’t help you. It won’t help me. I’m  sick and tired of this. Don’t you see how sick this is?”

 

“Don’t, please,” Sakura pleaded, opening her eyes to look at him through her tears. 

 

“Don’t what?” he said, tightening his grip. “Tell you how fucked up what you do is?”

 

Sakura choked out a sob, hands weakly grabbing at his in hopes he would let go. 

 

“I’ll show you fucked up, Sakura-chan.” Kakashi exposed his sharingan. Sakura fought against his hold, but it was useless. “Look at me. Look at me like when I fucked you -- I know you can.”

 

Sakura gave up. She blinked away the tears and obeyed.

 

His sharingan was spinning. Immediately, she found herself tied to a table in an environment completely unfamiliar to her. It seemed endless, just darkness. No matter how hard she struggled, her restraints gave no sign of weakness.

 

"What is it that little Sakura fears?" Kakashi's voice said, resonating from every direction.

 

Sakura swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. She had never experienced the sharingan before -- not Kakashi’s.

 

"You're scared I'll die," he let out after a few seconds of thought.

 

She bit her lip, feeling her heart pumping wildly in her chest already.

 

"You don't think I'll do it," he said. "It seems you're forgetting who I am, Sakura-chan."

 

Her eyes widened. He was kidding. He had to be.

 

"Let's do it," he chuckled.

 

A chill ran down her spine. Sakura had heard this voice of his before, always reserved for his enemies. He wasn't kidding.

 

Kakashi appeared to her side, several feet away and standing proud in his ANBU uniform.

 

"Kakashi," she called brokenly. "Let me go."

 

"You shouldn't show such weakness, Sakura-chan." Kakashi cooed as he stepped towards her. 

 

"Do you know what happens to ninja who display emotions and weakness, hm?"

 

"K-Kakashi, don't," she pleaded, fighting against her restraints once more and turning her head away to avoid looking at him.

 

It was futile.

 

Kakashi let out a pained howl.

 

Sakura's head spun to the other side to see what had caused it only to find that the blade of a sword was lodged in his chest, sticking out from his back. Blood was gushing out of the wound and she knew that nothing could be done to save him. It had gone right through his heart, she could tell.

 

Her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip, drawing blood, and tears welled up in her eyes. This wasn't real, she tried to remind herself. It was all an illusion.

 

"S-Sakura," Kakashi called desperately, reaching for her.

 

The table disappeared below her, leaving her to lie on the floor and free to move. Sakura didn't move an inch, every of her muscles so stiff it hurt. It wasn't real. It  wasn't .

 

"Help me," he pleaded.

 

Tears ran down her cheeks and she forced herself to repress the sobs that tried to escape. Kakashi was okay. He wasn't bleeding to death right next to her with no hope of being saved.

She heard his body fall on the floor. She knew that he was dead now. He wasn't getting back up.

 

Images of the day he had been brought to the hospital, in ANBU uniform and on the verge of death, replayed in her mind. She could see the amount of blood he had lost staining the hospital floor, feel his pulse weaken under her fingers. The despair and panic she had felt in that moment coursed through her system with the same intensity they had back then, forcing her to relive every second of it. She wanted to cry out, to beg him, to hit her head against the floor until it stopped. But she couldn't. This wasn't real and she couldn't break.

 

"Sakura," Kakashi called. "Open your eyes, it's over."

 

Regaining consciousness of her surroundings, Sakura dropped to the floor, cradling her head. She knew she was pathetic, sobbing and crying at his feet, but she didn’t have the strength to do otherwise.

 

Kakashi kneeled in front of her and pulled her hands away from her head. Sakura hung her head to avoid facing him.

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura didn’t look up. She didn’t speak. She couldn’t. Not when he wasn’t able to hide her shame. Kakashi’s game was transparent and she didn’t want to be pulled further into it. If he wanted to do this, he should at least have the guts to go through with it.

 

“I’m sorry, Sakura.”

 

And he truly was, Sakura knew. 

 

“I don’t have the strength to do this,” he finally said.

 

Kakashi stood up and Sakura watched his feet. 

 

“I’m a coward, Sakura.”

 

“I know,” Sakura whispered. “I know.”

 

Kakashi walked away. He opened the door and left without another word. Sakura stared at the closed door when she couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Why are you here?”

 

Sakura knew it was selfish. To go see him now, after yesterday, and with her eyes still bearing the obvious signs of crying. 

 

“Can I come in?” Sakura whispered, not daring to look up at Kunan.

 

Kunan stepped aside and Sakura walked inside. He closed the door behind her and then stood in front of her, waiting for her to speak.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura said, not knowing what else to say.

 

“For what?”

 

Kunan didn’t sound angry. Not too much, at least. Sakura dared to look up at his face. His dark eyes were harsh -- but they always were. “It’s selfish of me to come here.”

 

“It is,” Kunan said, wiping her cheek with his thumb. “So why did you do it?”

 

“Because I thought -- I thought -- “ Sakura breathed in deeply, shakily. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s really -- “

 

Kunan didn’t say anything. Sakura should have been deterred by how he simply watched her, but she wasn’t.

 

“Maybe I need to let go.”

 

“Sakura,” Kunan said, grabbing her shoulders and keeping her at a distance when she tried to embrace him. “What made you choose to come tell me this?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sakura breathed out, looking down between them at their feet. Kunan’s feet were bare. “I needed someone.”

 

“I’m not gonna be just someone, Sakura,” Kunan said, lifting her chin up so she would look at him. “That’s not what I want.”

 

‘I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, closing her eyes as more tears came. “I don’t know if I…”

 

“I don’t expect you to know yet,” Kunan said quickly, dropping his hands to his sides. “I don’t know what you will be to me yet, either.”

 

Sakura swallowed, her throat so tight she thought she might choke. Her heart hammered painfully against her ribs, begging for a chance to jump off this roller coaster. 

 

“Do you want to know who I am, Sakura?”

 

Blinking away the tears, Sakura looked at Kunan, perhaps for the first time seeing him for himself. No ninja, no teammate, no mask. Just a man. A man willing to take the first step and reach for her, if she just promised to take a step, too. No promises for a perfect picture, because they both knew how easily it could be ruined.

 

Kunan waited in silence for her answer, eyes twitching left and right as they followed hers. He wasn’t very tall, but he still had a few inches on her. His large frame made him just as imposing, though, if not more. He was just a little boyish, with the rounded cheeks, but he didn’t look a day younger than his age. Just looking at his hair made Sakura want to touch it again -- she’d always loved that shade of black. The darks eyes, too. Kunan’s were sharp, almost predatory. Dangerous, strong. Dedicated.

 

“I want to,” Sakura finally said. 

 

Kunan’s lips twitched, just barely, into a smile and he cupped her cheeks in his rough hands. He stepped closer, leaning in until their noses brushed together. They both inched closer until their lips met, pressing together too carefully because they knew pain so well. Sakura’s eyes fluttered closed. She was scared, but he was, too.

 

“Come here,” Kunan said when they broke apart, taking her hand to lead her to the bed.

 

Sakura’s stomach sank, but she didn’t let on. Offering no resistance, she followed him, lying down with him. Sakura rested her head on his broad chest and closed her eyes, waiting. Kunan wrapped his arm around her, tangling his hand in her hair. 

 

“Sleep,” he said. “Clear your mind.”

 

Sakura sighed in relief, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Timid, she draped one arm over his chest, deciding she would give in. She wanted to be held. She wanted to do what he said and look no further for the time being. To just give in and jump over the edge. For a moment, she could float, without caring if she crashed or took flight.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura woke up to the feeling of her head rising and falling, a quiet, lulling movement. For a moment, she refused to open her eyes. She knew if she opened her eyes, it would stop. She would fully wake up and lose this peace. The steady thumping of a heart centered her, drowning out any other sounds. 

 

All good things came to an end, though. 

 

Sakura opened her eyes and leaned on her elbow to prop herself up. Kunan’s arm slipped from her side; he was still sound asleep. As quietly as possible, Sakura slipped out of his bed. Feet on the ground, Sakura realized she hadn’t even taken her shoes off. How rude. She took them off, placing them by Kunan’s. The room was quiet, a little dark now that the curtains were closed and no lights were on.

 

Kunan wanted her to know who he was. Exploring his dwelling seemed as good a way as another. 

 

Though Sakura had to bite her tongue to avoid scolding herself, she walked to the fridge and pulled it open. Empty, save for a box of takeout. Sakura pried it open, peeking inside. Yakisoba. It still smelled good. She moved on to the freezer, disappointed to find only a few frozen vegetables and some fish. Sakura checked the cupboard above the sink next; the only one besides under the sink. Three plates, a box with a multitude of different takeout chopsticks, four bowls, a tea kettle and four cups. They were all mismatched, leaving Sakura to guess he had had started with a single set and replaced any piece he broke by a random other. The box of bagged tea was empty. 

 

Sakura sighed. Typical ninja living quarters. 

 

Sakura tiptoed to his dresser, the only piece of furniture besides the bed. He ate on his bed, she guessed, or standing. There were some random items on top; a hairbrush, hair ties, a towel that looked like it might have started growing some kind of mold from never being dried. What really caught her attention, though, was the upside down frame. Sakura lifted it with one finger, leaning down to peek at the picture. 

 

As she realized what it was, Sakura’s eyes softened. She picked it up, holding it gingerly. A picture of him and his students. Kunan had been right; Hideki had fought the black-haired one at the chuunin exams.

 

“I see you’ve made yourself at home.”

 

Sakura nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Kunan’s voice. Quickly, she replaced the frame the way it had been.

 

“Sorry,” Sakura said, smiling cheekily. “I couldn’t help myself.”

 

“I assume this means I get the same privilege when I come over,” Kunan said, smirking. He stood up and walked to her, pulling a drawer open. “Do you want to check the drawers, while you’re at it?”

 

“If you ask so nicely,” Sakura chuckled. “I’m sure you have nothing to hide.”

 

“Uniforms, regular clothes, and everything else,” Kunan listed, pointing at the drawers one by one. “Do you need to confirm?”

 

“Not really,” Sakura said, biting her lip to keep from smiling too wide. 

 

“I haven’t had any proper food since last night, and I’m sure you’ve seen our options here,” Kunan said, shrugging out of his shirt to put on a fresh one. He still favored shirts with a deep v-neck, Sakura noted. The rest followed. “Let’s go outside.”

 

“I want dumplings,” Sakura muttered. “We never got to have them again back in Ame.”

 

“Tough luck,” Kunan chuckled, ushering her outside. “You’ll have to settle for something else.”

 

Sakura sighed and followed him, deciding she didn’t care where they were going. Surprises were good things, too, sometimes.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx….

 

“No,” Sakura said vehemently, frowning.

 

“Yes,” Kunan said, equally insistent.

 

“No,” Sakura repeated.

 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Kunan cajoled. “Do it.”

 

Sakura pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, staring at Kunan warily. “Define worth my while.”

 

“No. Take a chance.”

 

Sakura narrowed her eyes further, looking down at the small fried octopus he’d thrown on her plate. It was absolutely revolting to think of eating something so gross.

 

“Fine.” Sakura picked it between her chopsticks, shoving it in her mouth before she had a chance to talk herself out of it. She chewed once and gagged, pressing her hand to her mouth. She swallowed it whole, with some difficulty. “Oh my god,  why would you -- “

 

Kunan leaned over the table, silencing with one long, hard kiss. 

 

“That’s rude,” Sakura complained against his lips. “We’re in public.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Sakura complied, eyes fluttering closed. Kunan didn’t relinquish an iota of control; she simply followed his lead. When he pulled away, Sakura licked her lips. “Is that what you call making it worth my while?”

 

“You’re beautiful.” Kunan smirked, clasping his hands together over the table. “More than you know.”

 

Sakura grinned, her heart skipping a beat. “Better.”

 

“Let’s go,” Kunan said, standing up. Their plates had been picked clean for a while already, save for that one monstrosity. “You’ve seen where I live; it’s time I see where Haruno lives.”

 

Sakura scoffed, following him outside when he grabbed her hand and led her outside. “That’s smooth, inviting yourself over like that.”

 

“Well, I don’t intend to let you sleep alone tonight,” Kunan said, locking his fingers with hers. “Don’t you think it’s getting boring, only seeing my bedroom?”

 

“A little.” Sakura bumped her shoulder against his, smirking. “My walls aren’t quite so dull.”

 

It was dark already and the moon was bright in the sky, coating the streets in darkness as they walked. Few people still roamed around the village by this hour; the ones that did were quiet. Such peace made it easier to forget how the day had started, and Sakura didn’t hesitate to shut out any part of herself that tried to remind her.

 

She couldn’t shut out Kakashi, though, not when he sat on the doorstep of her house. 

 

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t come home tonight,” Kakashi said, unmoving. He was too tall to sit on such a short step, his knees bent awkwardly and his neck even more so because of how he leaned his head on his fist. “Do you have a minute?”

 

Sakura looked at Kunan from the corner of her eye, unsurprised to see him frowning. His hand tightened around hers. Sakura pulled her hand free, offering Kunan a reassuring smile when he turned towards her too quickly. Sakura walked the small distance that separated her from Kakashi and he stood.

 

Kakashi was so tall; to look up at him had always put a strain on her neck. 

 

“Let’s go inside,” Kakashi said, looking over her shoulder at Kunan briefly. “I’d rather we talk in private.”

 

“No,” Sakura said when he started to turn towards the door. “Let’s stay here.”

 

Kakashi frowned, hesitating. After a moment, he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

 

“What did you want to say to me?” Sakura eased her neck into its normal position, leveling her eyes with Kakashi’s chest. He wasn’t wearing the flak jacket tonight. 

 

“I thought you might be sick after yesterday,” he said, too cheerful. “I just wanted to check up on you. I see Kunan beat me to it.”

 

Sakura simply nodded, focusing on her breathing. In and out, slowly, evenly.

 

“It’s a good thing.” Kakashi ruffled her hair and Sakura winced. “I’ll be on my way, then.”

 

Sakura didn’t look behind her when Kakashi walked away. Her heart hammered in her chest and breathing became harder and harder. Kakashi hoped she would look back and call for, she knew -- he didn’t want to be alone, he never really did. Kunan took his place at her side. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Sakura fished for her keys and unlocked the door. Inside, Sakura slumped on the back of her couch, gripping the fabric.

 

“Sakura.” Kunan stood between her legs, cupping her cheeks. “Sakura.”

 

“I’m fine,” Sakura said, exhaling one long breath. “Sorry about that.”

 

“Whatever you’re feeling,” Kunan said, dark eyes boring into hers. “Forget him.”

 

“Kunan…”

 

“Whenever you want to say call his name,” Kunan said, his tone deeper than before. “Say mine instead.”

 

Sakura shut her eyes and threw her arms around Kunan’s neck, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “Kunan.”

 

“Good,” he encouraged, hooking his hands under her thighs to lift her up. He carried her to the other side of the couch and laid her down on it, hovering above her. “Do it as many times as it takes.”

 

Kunan’s hands grabbed at the waist of her pants. Sakura raised her hips, letting him pull them down. The kiss he gave her was just what she needed then -- hard and almost painful. 

 

“Do you want me?”

 

Sakura nodded, locking her legs around his hips. He reached between them to undo the buttons of his pants. 

 

“Who do you want?”

 

“Kunan,” Sakura answered as she closed her eyes as tight as she could, hating the way her throat constricted.

 

When he thrusted into her, Sakura groaned, the friction all too satisfying. 

 

“Don’t close your eyes,” he said, cupping her cheek in his hand while the other steadied him on the cushion. “Look at me.”

 

Sakura obeyed, refusing to take her eyes off him, off of his black hair, his eyes, his mouth. “Kunan.”

 

“I want you,” he growled into her neck, increasing their tempo. “Fuck, you feel good.”

 

“Then fuck me harder,” Sakura moaned, fisting her hands in his hair. “Fuck me until I can’t think straight anymore.”

 

“Good girl,” Kunan said, smirking his smirk wolfish. 

 

He rolled her onto her stomach and thrust into her again. Sakura didn’t move, keeping her hips up exactly where he wanted them. He complied to her demand easily; whenever her mind slipped away, he thrust harder, faster, until all she could do was cry out under him. In pain or pleasure, it didn’t matter. She cried out his name.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

  
  
  
  



	9. I Can't Play No More

xxx

 

"Sakura-chan!"

 

Kakashi didn’t turn his head the way Sakura did when a young man called her name, instead just looking from the corner of his eye. Sakura often attracted attention, though Konoha’s male population had learned quickly enough not to approach her while she was with him. Not that he was the problem, of course.

 

"Do I know you?" Sakura growled, fingers tightened around her glass of umeshu as she twirled on her stool.

 

Kakashi watched in amusement. He knew the boy. Hayate. He’d been Kakashi’s subordinate on a mission, a few weeks ago. Hayate had asked multiple questions about Sakura, which Kakashi had mostly avoided but the boy was relentless.

 

"No, you don't," Hayate said, shaking his head with an impressive composure for the danger he stood before. "I'm Yoshita Hayate. Call me Hayate-kun, though."

 

"Happy to meet you, Hayate-kun, but my glass demands my attention," Sakura replied, rolling her eyes as she spun back to face the counter.

 

When Hayate spun her seat to make her face him, her eyes were wide open in shock. Kakashi almost choked on his drink, between a snort and a laugh.

 

"Don't ignore me just yet, Kankan-chan!" Sakura's jaw dropped at the nickname about her temper. "Sooner or later, and I promise you, you'll be my wife."

 

Hayate was so serious, down to the way he smiled and his eyes looked straight into hers. Well, he sure was courageous. Still, Kakashi smiled to himself when he saw the shock fade from Sakura’s eyes, melting into anger.

 

"What the hell is your problem?" Sakura roared as she punched his shoulder, dislocating it with ease.

 

Hayate groaned in pain and held his shoulder, but he still didn't give up. "You haven't gone on a date with me yet, Kankan-chan. That's my problem."

 

"Are you out of your mind or what?!" she shouted, pushing herself off her stool to stand in front of him. Without giving him a second to reply, she threw another punch, though he was able to dodge it.

 

"I am, I am," he sighed, shaking his head and exaggerating a pout. "I've heard of you for so long and now I finally see you." Without any fear, he locked his gaze with hers again, opening himself to any incoming hits. "It's not the pink hair, the anger or your talents as a medic that everyone should be gossiping about. It's the loneliness behind those pretty eyes of yours. I know there's still embers there begging to be sparked ablaze again," he said, low enough so the words would only be shared between her and him, but Kakashi didn’t miss them

 

For a second, Sakura had been speechless. If anything, Kakashi had to give some credit to Hayate. No one had silenced her that way since she was sixteen, at the most, not since him.

 

And so, she ignored it all and punched him square in the jaw. "Go away, you freak!"

 

As she sat back on her stool, he could see poor Hayate trembling in pain.

 

"You know I'm serious," he chuckled behind her. "Give me a chance."

 

Sakura's hands were trembling around her glass when Kakashi patted her back. "Maybe you should. Two punches and he's still standing. You can always turn him in a punching bag if it goes wrong, Sakura. He looks like he enjoys it."

 

xxx

 

Chapter Nine: I Can’t Play no More

 

…

 

“Missy miss,” the voice called. “Why are you here, missy miss?”

 

For once, Sakura felt peaceful. It was like she was floating on water, lulled by the small waves. The water was warm against her skin when it seeped through her clothes.

 

“Missy miss,” it said. “You are not where you think, missy miss.”

 

“Leave me alone,” Sakura sighed. “I know where I am.”

 

“Missy miss,” it insisted. “You are fooling yourself, missy miss.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sakura spat, anger overwhelming her. “I feel good here.”

 

“Missy miss,” it said again. “Don’t you hear them anymore, missy miss?”

 

“Hear what?” Sakura asked, focusing on the feel on the water instead of its voice.

 

“Missy miss,” it chuckled. “The voices. They scream at you, missy miss.”

 

“There’s no one here but you,” Sakura defended, frowning. “No one is screaming.”

 

“Missy miss,” it said. “You shouldn’t block them out, missy miss.”

 

Sakura realized her hands were glued to her ears, pressing on them painfully. She pulled them away, only to shove them back against her ears when she was assaulted by the screeching voices that surrounded her.

 

“Missy miss,” it said. “You will drown if you don’t listen to them, missy miss.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Sakura choked out, already feeling herself sink. 

 

“Missy miss,” it continued. “You don’t have a choice. They haven’t stopped because you have, missy miss.”

 

When the water submerged her, Sakura screamed, reaching for the surface but it already too far. The water burned its way into her lungs. Sakura screamed again, flailing, but there was nothing she could do. She was drowning.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura gasped for air as she woke up. Heart racing, she shoved the blanket off her body, thinking she might burn alive if she didn’t get some fresh air. When she rolled onto her stomach and crawled out of bed, Sakura gasped again. Her arms gave out under her and she fell to the floor with the grace of a gorilla.

 

Kakashi helped her up and she pushed him away. 

 

“What are you doing in my bedroom?” Sakura panted, unsure whether or not he was really standing before her. “How long have you been there?”

 

“Not long,” Kakashi said, but she knew he was lying. “You didn’t answer the door.”

 

“So you  break into my house?” Sakura accused, throwing her alarm clocking at him. He dodged it and it crashed into the wall, breaking into pieces. “Are you mad?”

 

“Only for the hundredth time,” Kakashi said, frowning. “You’ve never called me mad over it before, I’m hurt.”

 

“You’re awful, Kakashi,” Sakura grumbled as she stood, searching in her drawers for a good shirt to cover her naked torso.

 

“No more senpai?” Kakashi asked, following her down the stairs into the kitchen. “When did that happen?”

 

“Now,” Sakura huffed. “I’m not going to rely on you anymore. I’m done with that.”

 

All this talk to avoid what he really wanted to say. They hadn’t seen each other in the past month; Sakura avoided him and Kunan hogged most of her time. Things were fine this way.

 

“You’ve been able to stand up on your own for a long time, now,” Kakashi said, his voice quieter. Sakura didn’t bother to ask him if he wanted tea; she just prepared it. He sat on one of the stools that lined her counter. “It took you a long time to understand it.”

 

“And you need a cane,” Sakura scoffed, taking the cups out of the cupboard. “You’re getting old.”

 

“Sakura.” Kakashi was serious, but Sakura didn’t want to hear any of it. Apparently, he thought it appropriate to have important conversations while she wore only underwear and a tank top. “I need to talk to you.”

 

“About what?”

 

Kakashi took a moment to answer. "Is there a chance you could be pregnant?"

 

“No," Sakura answered honestly, shaking her head. "None. Is that why you’re here? Are you kidding me?”

 

"No contraception is perfect, Sakura," Kakashi chastised, leaning on the counter. "What would you do with my baby?"

 

That was an interesting question to say the least. Sakura had never given it any thought, though, as it was entirely useless.

 

“Why are you even asking this now, anyway? If I was pregnant, you’d know already,” Sakura said, patience running thin. “I can’t have children, Kakashi.”

 

"What do you mean?" he asked, frowning.

 

"When Sasori put a sword through my stomach, I couldn't fix everything without running out of chakra too quickly," Sakura started, running her fingers over her scar. "The ability to have children was not vital for my survival. I thought you knew."

 

Everybody knew. It had been the talk of the village after Hayate had asked for her hand, since he was the heir of a prominent clan of the village. It had been expected of him to further the family line.

 

"I didn't," Kakashi answered.

 

Sakura sighed. He was impossible.

 

"Did you want them?" Kakashi asked after a few minutes of silence, letting his tea go cold in front of him.

 

"Children?" Sakura asked, pulled out of her thoughts. She took her first sip from her cup. "No, not really. I couldn't give them a decent life. They would hold me back too much. My team is enough."

 

Silence again.

 

"Did you see us that way, too? Is that why you never had children of your own?" Sakura wondered out loud, leaning against the fridge.

 

"No," Kakashi replied quickly, shaking his head. "I never had any kind of paternal instincts, as some call it."

 

Sakura thought of the many times he had put himself in harm's way in order to save them, his dedication to grooming them into the best ninja they could be. The affection he had always had for them, without ever really showing it.

 

"Did you love us?" she asked, voice small. "As children?"

 

"You were everything to me, after I got used to you," Kakashi nodded, eye somber as he looked down into his mug. "All three of you."

 

Sakura understood what he meant. After spending more than a year with her team of genin, they had grown on her, something she hadn't expected. She guessed it must have been what new mothers experienced with their newborn. No matter the frustration, lack of sleep and worry, love for it was unconditional.

 

Only, she was pulled in two opposite directions at once. Kakashi was worth just as much to her. If he was to go, what would the pain do to her love for her team? Would it override it?

 

"I missed you, Kakashi," Sakura said quietly as she made her way to him.

 

She stood in front of him, between his legs. He didn't move right away, still slouching forward on the stool he sat on, arms on his thighs. Then, his fingers brushed her own thighs, almost shy, before they wrapped around them and rode up slowly, to her hips.

 

Sakura closed her eyes as his thumbs rubbed lazy circles on the hem of her panties.

 

"I missed you," she repeated.

 

“I missed you too,” Kakashi finally said. 

 

Sakura sighed and sat on the stool next to his, laying one arm on the counter and the other on her thigh. “Can we stop fighting?”

 

“I’d like that.” Kakashi smiled, just barely, under his mask.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

"Sakura-sensei!"

 

Sakura spun on her heels as her name was called, immediately recognizing the voice.

 

"Hajime-kun!" Sakura called her, watching the short black-haired boy run towards her, a broad smile on her lips.

 

He was only thirteen, a year younger than his teammates as she had been in team seven, and he already reached her shoulders. Akemi easily only reached her chest while Hideki was at her chin. The joys of being a short teacher. Children were almost as tall as you.

 

"How've been surviving without me for the past two months, kids?" Sakura teased as she ruffled his hair in the same manner Kakashi had done to her.

 

"We haven't really had any missions..." Hajime mumbled, crossing his arms and leaning on one foot. "Just genin-level stuff like finding cats and whatnot, like Hideki told you at the hospital."

 

"Be happy about it, Hajime-kun," Sakura started preaching, but her student quickly cut her off.

 

"I know! I know!" he groaned, swinging back and forth on his heels, eyes rolling up. "No missions means peace! I just wish there was something for me to do so I could become a better ninja."

 

Sakura smiled, nostalgia swelling in her chest. "When I was only a few years older than you, I had to go to war."

 

"The Fourth War?" he questioned in admiration, his emerald eyes wide. She had never revealed this tidbit of information about herself to her students just yet. His eyes were the exact same shade as hers, which had always weirded her out to some extent. "We all assumed you did, since you had to be old enough already by then."

 

"Yes, the Fourth," she said, nodding as she remembered the atrocities that made her friends into the grandest heroes their world would ever know. "I was lucky. I've only ever seen one war. My sensei, Kakashi, has had to go through two. He's known the worst sides of it. The Third war was not as pretty as the Fourth."

 

As she placed a hand on Hajime's shoulder, her heart clenched at the thought of what Kakashi 

must have had to endure as barely just a child the// age of Hajime. What her own students might go through soon. "Don't strive to be a hero, will you?"

 

"But they were so - ow!"

 

Sakura gripped his shoulder. She didn't want to hear about the two great heroes of the Fourth War.

 

"Where are Hideki and Akemi?"

 

"Uh... I don't know. I'm not supposed to meet with them until this afternoon for training," Hajime replied, slightly puzzled at the change of subject.

 

"It's good to hear you've been keeping up with the training. I’ll come see you this afternoon, then." Sakura praised, letting go of him. "Where were you off to like that?"

 

"Lee-sensei told me that if I ran around the village a hundred times, I would be eternally youthful," Hajime gushed, slapping his hands together as he grinned. "So I was gonna try it and see if it worked in forty years."

 

Sakura contained her laugh. She would feel too guilty if she laughed at him in his face like this. The boy was just so oblivious and gullible sometimes. Too cute for his own good, on top of that. If he had a mean bone in his body, he hid it expertly.

 

"It's always worth a try, right?" Sakura smirked, shrugging her shoulders.

 

"Exactly!" he exclaimed, staring up at her with hopeful eyes.

 

"Alright, goofball, off you go then," Sakura smiled, waving her hand at him as she turned around. 

 

"I'll see you kids later."

 

"Later, Sakura-sensei!" she heard him shout back as he ran back the way he came.

 

…xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

Sakura groaned as she walked in the open plains of the training grounds her team had the habit of meeting at. A few more hours of sleep really wouldn't have hurt, Sakura lamented internally as she looked up at the sun, shielding her eyes with her arm.

 

The first person to come into view was Kakashi, which made no sense at all, but she immediately understood when she saw Hajime buried up to his chin in at the Copy Nin's feet. Time to kick some copy cat's ass.

 

Hideki was flailing, trying to help his comrade, but the wiser Akemi held him back.

 

Without warning, Sakura rushed to them and aimed a kick to Kakashi's chest, which he dodged easily, having sensed her coming probably.

 

"Ah, Sakura, how nice to see you here," Kakashi greeted cheerfully, sitting on his heels. "I was teaching your student to respect his elders."

 

Sakura pulled Hajime out of the ground without much effort.

 

"Sakura-sensei!" he wailed, limp in her hold. "I thought he was gonna kill me!"

 

"I told you already, Hajime-kun," Sakura comforted sweetly as she dropped him before turning her narrowed eyes to Kakashi. "He's too much of a pussy to do anything if it means he'll have to answer to me."

 

Kakashi stood with his usual slouch, hands in his pockets and eye smile in place. His trademark image. "I'm sure I can remember you being the one mewling not so long ago..."

 

If it wasn't for the sake of keeping her composure in front of her students, her jaw would have hit the floor.

 

"Kakashi," Sakura warned, glaring at him and hating how casual he was.

 

"Oh, did I get that wrong? You did look a lot like a bitch, from a certain angle," Kakashi mused, rubbing his chin.

 

A smirk grew on Sakura's lips. There was no ill intent in his words, he was simply teasing her, trying to strike a nerve. Poking fun at their momentary moments of weakness. From the corner of her eyes, she could see her three students watching them with curiosity, but not having a clue what to make of the situation.

 

"Don't say such... such weird things about Sakura-sensei, you weirdo!" Hideki finally said, raising his fist, though his defense of his teacher was laughable when he was faced with the one and only Copy Nin.

 

"Or what?" Kakashi asked with his hands on his hips, leaning forward near a full ninety degrees to meet Hideki's gaze. "You'll hurt me?"

 

Without a hint of fear, Hideki attacked, only to be neutralized in the blink of an eye. Before Kakashi could react, Sakura's heel had connected with Kakashi’s shoulder and sent him rolling a few feet.

 

"You don't get to lay a hand on them," Sakura growled. "Get some of your own if you want to torture kids again."

 

Even if the situation was in no way threatening, Sakura felt protective of her team and Kakashi was without a doubt toying with that.

 

"How about a bell test?" Kakashi proposed, smirking while he dusted himself off.

 

"What? Now?" Sakura blurted out, dropping the defensive stance.

 

"Yes, now," Kakashi said as he stood, rolling his shoulder and approaching her. "But with a twist."

 

"What kind of a twist?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow in interest.

 

"Your students are the bells," Kakashi let out as he lunged for Hajime, who froze in fear.

 

"Oh no, you don't!" Sakura roared as she punched the ground, raising the earth in front of Hajime before Kakashi could reach him. "You stay around me, kids!"

 

Her students obeyed with impressive speed. Kakashi really had been a fearsome character, when she was twelve, she remembered. Her eyes skimmed the area, but Kakashi was nowhere to be found.

 

"Jump!" Sakura ordered as she cracked her knuckles.

 

When the kids were safe in the air, she plunged her hand in the ground as if it was water, managing to get a good grip on Kakashi's arm. Just as the children landed, she hauled him out of the ground.

 

"Wrong one," she heard Kakashi say a few feet behind her.

 

The Kakashi she held disappeared in smoke. A clone. "Fuck!"

 

She leapt over the kids just in time to reach Kakashi, but the move was sloppy enough that he was able to pin her to the ground before she could do anything.

 

"It's not so easy to protect all three of them, hmm?" Kakashi teased -- another clone. The real one was running for her students.

 

"Hajime-kun, your specialty!" Sakura roared, rage overwhelming her as she shoved Kakashi off of her.

 

Nobody would touch these children.

 

"Y-Yes, Sakura-sensei!" the boy shouted as he threw strips of paper on the ground at the clone's feet.

 

The explosion wasn't impressive, but the smoke that resulted from it granted Sakura enough time to kick the clone out of existence and reach her team. On top of making his own explosives, Hajime was able to give certain properties to the smoke. The one he had used created an impressive foul smell, which was a great coincidence.

 

Not too far away, Sakura could hear Kakashi retching. An extremely sensitive nose was not always a good thing.

 

Sakura pounced and landed on him easily, stabbing his arm with one of her many poisoned senbons. Kakashi groaned, knowing this meant defeat for him.

 

"Don't fuck with my students, Kakashi," Sakura threatened, heart pounding in her ears and breath coming in pants.

 

"I didn't realize you were such a good teacher, Sakura," Kakashi complimented, completely still under her as the relaxant spread through his body.

 

"You should know me better," Sakura ground out, pulled out of her fury by Kakashi's friendly banter.

 

Reminding herself that he posed no real threat to her students, she forced herself to relax, still sitting in his lap while he remained still under her. Still, his eye watched her intently, registering every bit of emotion her body demonstrated.

 

The smoke dissipated quickly enough.

 

"Sakura-sensei won! Yes!" Hideki shouted with pride, jumping where he stood.

 

Hajime stood straight, eyes brimming with tears and admiration. Even Akemi seemed impressed, her mouth gaping open slightly.

 

"Didn't they ever see you fight before?" Kakashi asked, squirming under her as the tiny amount of poison she had used was broken down by his body already.

 

"No," Sakura answered with a smile. "I don't usually have anyone here for their training, and times have been very quiet."

 

Even if Kakashi didn't say a word, she could tell he shared her relief. He had given her only a taste of what it felt like to fight for such young lives and her heart was about to burst out of her chest. Imagining everything that must have been going through Kakashi's mind while he was fighting Zabuza in Mist was nauseating.

 

"You'll have to, one day," Kakashi reminded her, voice somber.

 

"I know," Sakura whispered as her eyes followed her substitute children, her whole chest clenching with devastating worry.

 

The trio celebrated a distance from them, still too wary of Kakashi to get any closer without their sensei's permission.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Happy birthday, sensei!” 

 

Sakura smiled, ruffling Hajime and Hideki’s hair. Akemi stood safe between them. “That’s nice of you, to come see your old sensei for her birthday.”

 

“You’re not old,” Hideki defended, frowning.

 

“Is she?” Hajime let out, pensive. “How old are you, sensei?”

 

“Old enough to start lying about it,” Sakura chuckled. 

 

“Is there something you need to tell me, Sakura?” Kunan chuckled, standing behind her. “Have you lied to me?”

 

“Of course not,” Sakura said innocently, running her fingers up his neck. 

 

“Blergh, I’m getting out of here,” Hideki complained, turning away from them. “So gross.”

 

“You’re so childish,” Akemi muttered, following him. 

 

“He’s kinda right,” Hajime mumbled, heading towards the platters of food, too.

 

“Another piece of cake?” Sakura asked, looking down at the small plate he ate. She grinned, poking his stomach. “That’s your fifth. No wonder you’re fat.”

 

“I don’t see you complaining about it in bed,” Kunan whispered huskily, then nibbled on her jaw. Of course, Kunan was a far cry from being overweight, but Sakura liked teasing him about it. “Quite the opposite.”

 

“Oh, you,” Sakura snorted, freeing herself from his hold when he became too affectionate. “Now, now, calm down. I’ll go get myself some food, I’m hungry.”

 

Kunan followed her to the table, smirk plastered on his arrogant face. It was good to see everyone again. Sakura’s eyes scanned her kitchen quickly. Most people were in the yard, but Yamato had taken a liking to her new couch, it seemed. The day was beautiful, so she didn’t know why he stayed inside. 

 

“I’ll go catch up with Yamato,” Sakura said, piling a few desserts on her plate. Kunan eyed them, arching his eyebrow. Sakura scoffed.  She  hadn’t had breakfast twice -- he did. “Why don’t you go outside and entertain everyone a little?”

 

“I didn’t realize I was a clown,” Kunan scoffed.

 

“You’re dating me,” Sakura said, rolling her eyes. “They all want to see what a freak you must be.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

Sakura smiled to herself as she watched him walk away. Plate full enough to her liking, Sakura made her way to Yamato, sitting besides him.

 

“Happy birthday, Sakura-chan,” he said, smiling at her. 

 

“Thanks.” Sakura poked her cake with her fork, staring down at it. “What are you doing here, all by yourself?”

 

“Ah, I’ve never been a people person,” Yamato chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “It was quiet here.”

 

“It is.” Sakura took a bite of the cake. Of course, any food that came from the Akimichi was good.

 

“Listen, Sakura…”

 

Sakura would have sighed if she wasn’t swallowing a mouthful. Quiet was too much to ask for.

 

“I know this isn’t my business, but…” Yamato sighed, running a hand through his hair. “What’s going on between you and Kakashi?”

 

Sakura frowned. “Why would you ask me that?”

 

“Neither of you have talked to me for quite a while, not since he joined ANBU,” Yamato said, oblivious to the fact she had joined as well. “But Kakashi… I know he wasn’t doing well, but…”

 

“But what?” Sakura pressed, no more patience for the subject.

 

“You know -- after the war -- you became really important to him,” Yamato started, beating around the bush as he always did. “It scared me -- many of us. I don’t even want to know, whatever it was.”

 

“Yamato -- “

 

“No, really,” Yamato insisted, shaking his head. “Whatever it was, you kept him grounded, I think. More than I could. Than anyone else could.”

 

Sakura frowned. It had been the other way around -- it always had been. Kakashi had been her rock, holding her up whenever she threatened to fall. Sakura had never been able to be that to him. Kakashi always made sure he fell out of her grasp, when he asked her to look the other way just for a second.

 

“I know that there was Hayate before,” Yamato continued, “I know he hard a time then, too. I know I can’t ask you to do this, but…”

 

“But what?” Sakura growled. “Get to the point.”

 

“Reconsider. This,” Yamato motioned towards where Kunan had left, “this thing. Kakashi. I think you know what there really is between you, by now -- “

 

“Shut up.” Sakura dropped her plate on the coffee table with a clank. “All of this bullshit. I don’t want to go through it again. If you’ve got a speech to give, give it to Kakashi. See if  you can get through to him, because I can’t.”

 

“Sakura -- “

 

“No, don’t open your fucking mouth again.” Sakura stood up, dusting herself. “If you didn’t notice, I have guests. I’d rather not to be rude to them.”

 

Yamato shut his mouth, watching her as she left to go join Kunan outside. The sadness and pleading in Yamato’s eyes, she could do without. The speeches, the complicated  everything , politics, all of it. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Don’t go,” Sakura grumbled, half asleep still. “Too comfy.”

 

“Kakashi’s at the door,” Kunan said, wrestling free from her. “Get dressed.”

 

“He’s seen me naked a thousand times already,” Sakura mumbled into her pillow.

 

When her foggy brain caught up with what she’d just said, Sakura bit her tongue. Kunan paid it no mind, though, and opened the door for Kakashi. Apparently, he, too, cared little about being near naked in front of Kakashi.

 

“It’s the middle of the night,” Sakura groaned. “What do you want?”

 

“Hokage-sama summoned us,” Kakashi said. Sakura stiffened. She knew that tone. He threw her ANBU uniform on the bed. “Dress and meet me outside. Now.”

 

Sakura scrambled out of bed, grabbing her underwear from the floor. Kakashi didn’t wait for them; he was already on his way. 

 

“Do you think -- “

 

Kunan locked the door behind her, nodding. “Yes.”

 

Sakura shuddered. 

 

Before long, Squad Mutt was standing in Tsunade’s office. Seeing all of them in their ANBU uniform only reminded Sakura of what was really happening around them. The past month had been too quiet; it was bound to end.

 

“Suna has invaded Ame,” Tsunade said, arms crossed over her chest too tightly. “We’ve just received the report.”

 

Sakura breathed in slowly, arms remaining stiff at her side.

 

“Suna hasn’t contacted us yet.” Tsunade inhaled the same way Sakura did, leaning against her desk. “We won’t wait for it. Your next mission is ready.”

 

They all waited in silence. None of them wanted to know what was coming.

 

“Assassinate the Kazekage.”

 

“Shishou,” Sakura called, leaning forward in her haste. “Is that really necessary?”

 

“Don’t question my orders!” Tsunade barked. Sakura’s spine went rigid and she stood the way she had been taught to. “Most of the shinobi force stationed in Ame was slaughtered. It’s too late for diplomatics.”

 

“With all due respect, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi cut in. Tsunade didn’t interrupt him. “You know where this will lead. Perhaps you should consider giving Suna what they want.”

 

“Age has made you soft, Kakashi,” Tsunade chuckled. “There is no reasoning with the Kazekage if he believes this was the only way to obtain Ame. You will kill him before he poisons Suna any further.”

 

“Age has made you senile.” Kakashi stood as proud, unaffected by Tsunade’s glare. “Suna has initiated negotiations for Ame several time in the past; you never conceded.”

 

“This justifies murder?” Tsunade barked. “They had others means. I won’t accept this.”

 

“As you wish, Hokage-sama.”

 

“Leave, now,” Tsunade ordered. “Come back when you’ve accomplished your mission.”

 

Kakashi spun on his heels and headed for the door. Kunan and Shokubai immediately followed. Sakura swallowed, hesitating. Tsunade walked to her and put her hand on the cheek of Sakura’s mask.

 

“I did what you asked of me,” Tsunade whispered. “Don’t make me regret it. Come back.”

 

“Yes, shishou.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 


	10. Strike Me Down

xxx

 

Kakashi knew that today would forever be burned in his mind. The blood on his hands he could wash, but not the violence. Anger, rage and cruelty were no strangers to Kakashi. He'd known war, twice. Only, today, he had been blinded by them.

 

"Kakashi-senpai?"

 

Kakashi turned to look at Sakura, the fire he sat by casting shadows on her face from where she laid in his sleeping bag.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Today, he'd killed. He'd killed many times, before. "Yes."

 

Sakura's gaze remained on him and he knew she saw through his lie. Today, he hadn't simply killed. He had killed for pleasure. For her. The amount of blood he had spilled had been more than unnecessary. The pain he had inflicted more than needed to kill.

 

"Okay."

 

Sakura crawled out of her bedding to sit by him, just barely pressing her shoulder to his. He could see in her stiff movements that she was still in pain, even if she had tended her wounds.

 

He'd killed because it was unbearable to see her in pain, to see the way they had looked at her like prey to be devoured. He'd killed because he wanted to, like an animal.

 

xxx

 

Chapter: Strike me Down

 

…

 

“Sakura.”

 

They were barely out the building before Kunan pulled Sakura apart, trapping her against a wall, his hands on each sides of her head. First, he removed his mask, then hers. Sakura only stared up at him, her palms flat on the concrete behind her. He leaned closer, until their lips met and he pressed his body against hers. 

 

“The next time we kiss,” Kunan breathed out against her lips, “is going to be right here.”

 

Sakura nodded. “Right here.”

 

She was terrified. He was, too.

 

“Sakura, Kunan,” Kakashi called, impatient. “We’ve got no time to lose.”

 

Kunan didn’t budge, staring straight into her eyes with the intensity she’d learned to love. When Kakashi called them again, he pulled away and they were on their way, jumping on the rooftops.

 

“This squad is bullshit,” Shokubai spat. “You realize this?”

 

“Deal with it,” Kakashi said, ominously calm. 

 

“Deal with it?” Shokubai repeated, scoffing. “Let me remind you I almost got killed because  you were too lovestruck to think straight. Now it’s him, too? We’re all going to die before we even make it close to the Kazekage.”

 

Behind him, Sakura bit her lip. 

 

“Do you plan to disobey orders, then?” Kakashi said. “Leave,  now , if you’re so scared.”

 

“I’m no coward -- “

 

“Then shut up.” Kakashi sped up. “Sakura.”

 

“Yes, captain?” Sakura said quickly, rigid. It would be easier this way. 

 

“Whether or not we complete the objective.” Kakashi paused, then turned to face her, his dog mask hiding his real face. “You make it home. With or without us.”

 

“Kakashi -- “

 

“Are you kidding me?” Shokubai shouted. “You’re protecting her, even now?”

 

“I’m not,” Kakashi barked. “Do I need to remind you the extent of Sakura’s healing powers?”

 

“What does that matters if we’re all dead?”

 

“It matters because I’ll be a massive asset,” Sakura said, fighting to keep her voice from wavering, “If we fail, and…”

 

Between her and Tsunade, it would be hard to make a dent in Konoha’s army. 

 

Shokubai huffed, but he had no more arguments. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura scratched at the wall. Being buried under six feet of Suna’s sands was not how she liked sleep. Still, there was no other choice. They were harder to detect if they moved during the night and rested during the day. Kakashi’s earth jutsu did a fine job at providing an underground shelter that wouldn’t be so easily found.

 

“What’s the plan?” Kunan asked, swallowing the last of his meal.

 

They would be in Suna the following night. It was beyond time to discuss the details.

 

“We have a friend on the inside,” Kakashi started. “He’ll get us in.”

 

“Shikamaru?” Sakura gasped. “How do you think he’ll -- “

 

“Don’t underestimate him, Sakura,” Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, agitated as they all were. “I’ll send one of my dogs, he’ll recognize it.”

 

“And then?” Shokubai asked. “What do we do when we’re inside? Barge in through the front door?”

 

“Actually, yes,” Kakashi said, nodding towards Sakura. “That’s exactly what she’ll do.”

 

“Are you mad?” Kunan shot, frowning. “How do you expect that to work?”

 

Sakura stared at Kakashi, biting her lip to keep from speaking up. Kakashi was never a frontal assault man. He would always bide his time. He was certain they would fail -- or succeed and die. They were the most likely outcomes, no matter how Sakura tried to view it.

 

“Element of surprise,” Kakashi answered. “And speed. We’ll strike in the middle of the night and hope to be out before we’re found.”

 

“That would be a fucking miracle,” Kunan huffed, but he didn’t fight.

 

They fell silent, then. Watching three men who expected death -- if the enemy was merciful -- only made the racing of Sakura’s heart harder to calm. Only she stood a true chance at survival, only because of the seal on her forehead. 

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi called when Shokubai and Kunan were sound asleep. He knew she couldn’t sleep. 

 

Sakura rolled on her back to look at him, unable to muster the courage to talk.

 

“Promise me you won’t look back,” Kakashi whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. “Promise me you’ll go back home.”

 

“I promise,” Sakura said, turning away from him.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

When Pakkun came back, they were all on their toes. They were only a mile from Suna. Enemy encounter was highly likely. Pakkun was alone, though, stripped of his usual ninja garb in order to look like a common dog.

 

“Here, boss,” Pakkun said as he lifted his snout.

 

Kakashi reached under his neck, retrieving a piece of paper from Pakkun collar. Kakashi read it and nodded. “Good. Good job.”

 

“Boss,” Pakkun called before Kakashi could stand up. “I know I shouldn’t ask, but…”

 

“Don’t ask then,” Kakashi said. “Go home. I’ll see you later.”

 

Pakkun hesitated, but obeyed regardless, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

 

“What did Shikamaru say?” Sakura asked, frowning. “Can he help us?”

 

Kakashi nodded. “He’ll be waiting for us on the southern end.”

 

“The guards will be fine with him letting us through?” Kunan frowned. “I don’t think so.”

 

“Shikamaru’s a bright boy,” Kakashi said. “He knows they’ve been tailing him for a while already. He’ll lead them away for us.”

 

They didn’t say anything else. It was up to Kakashi.

 

“Let’s move,” Kakashi ordered. “Follow my lead.”

 

They did. Kakashi ran towards Suna and they followed in his footsteps. It was only a few minutes before they’d jumped the cliff. In mid-air, Sakura looked down under them, watching the buildings grow bigger as they fell closer.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura groaned. Her head was killing her. 

 

“She’s awake.”

 

“Sedate her again.”

 

“Again? You said you wanted her alive -- “

 

“Just do it.”

 

Sakura opened her eyes to see who was talking, only to see everything spinning out of place. It was nauseating -- it all moved so fast. Against her best efforts, Sakura vomited, unable to even roll onto her stomach. She coughed, desperately trying to clear her throat. It burned.

 

“She’s choking.” Sakura recognized Kakashi’s voice. “You’re not going to have much leverage if she’s dead. The dose was excessive to start with.”

 

Sakura was rolled onto her stomach, finally allowed her to cough up the rest of her vomit and gasp for air. 

 

“Should I really sedate her -- “

  
“No.”

 

“I knew you were a reasonable man,” Kakashi said.

 

Kakashi grunted in pain. Sakura tried to call his name, though it only came out as a weak moan. Her body was too heavy to even speak.

 

“Let me talk to her -- “

 

Kakashi was hit again, Sakura guessed.

 

“Are you awake?”

 

Sakura said nothing. Her eyelid was pulled open, the light burning her eye. 

 

“Don’t do anything rash now,” one voice said. Someone pulled her into a sitting position and Sakura felt her head loll back, but someone held it. “Listen to me.”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi called. “The plan’s changed. Wait -- “

 

Sakura didn’t know what he was talking about, but the order came through to her all the same. Wait for my next orders. Okay, she would wait. No rash decisions.

 

“She’s out again.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura woke to the wonderful feeling of emptying her stomach again. At least, this time, she was on her side. She tried to open her eyes again, relieved to find that, while everything still spun, it was more manageable. Kakashi was kneeling across from her, blood smeared across his face. Sakura tried to move towards him, but found her limbs were still refusing to obey. They’d talked about sedatives. She was sedated. 

 

Instinctively, Sakura pressed her thighs together. It was still there. They hadn’t found that capsule, at the very least. 

 

Wait for my orders .

 

Kakashi wanted her to wait. He knew they hadn’t found all her hidden drugs. He would tell her when to use it.

 

“Kakashi...” Sakura croaked, pretty certain it had come out as a completely different set of syllables.

 

Whatever they’d given her, it had been fit to kill a fucking horse.

 

“Don’t speak,” Kakashi whispered. “Don’t let them know you’re awake.”

 

Sakura hummed. She couldn’t move, anyway. The door opened and somebody walked in.

 

“Back for another visit already?” Kakashi asked, his cheerful persona in place. “I hadn’t realized you were so considerate.”

 

“Always so jovial.” In its still fuzzy state, Sakura’s mind couldn’t quite place the voice, but she was certain she knew its owner. “As I’d heard, even in dire situations.”

 

“Everyone finds their way to get by,” Kakashi said. “Don’t they?”

 

Sakura put the pieces together, at last. The mission. They were there to assassinate the Kazekage -- that was who was talking to Kakashi just now. How they had ended up here -- wherever  here was -- was still a mystery to her, though. From the lack of wounds on her body, Sakura could only guess they’d been sedated before they even set foot in the village. 

 

“Ah, yes, indeed,” Jishin said. “I hope you bear no grudges.”

 

From the sound of it, Jishin was facing away from her, between her and Kakashi. Sakura chanced a quick glance at the view, glad to find few people in it. At the sight of the metal contraption around Kakashi’s head, Sakura swallowed. It was only natural that they would restrict his usage of the sharingan, but it wasn’t a pretty sight no less. They’d gone all out on the tying up too -- his hands were stuck being his head, locked in another metal contraption Sakura forgot the name of, and his feet tied to shackles against the wall. 

 

Sakura tried to move her fingers, finding she could only get a weak twitch out of them still. The same results came from her toes. Testing her range of movement any further would be too dangerous just yet. 

 

Kakashi’s head turned towards the door and Sakura tried to follow where he was trying to look. Sakura’s stomach clenched as she recognized Shikamaru. Blurry as her sight still was, there was no doubt it was him.

 

“You’re sharp,” Jishin chuckled. “You know he’s there, don’t you?”

 

This time, Kakashi had no cheerful line to spew. 

 

“I would have killed you all,” Jishin added. “If it wasn’t for him. You should be thankful.”

 

Kakashi still didn’t speak. Gradually, the swimming of Sakura’s head lessened. The sedative wouldn’t keep her helpless too long anymore, even if it would still take hours before she regained full use of her body. The syringe tied to her thigh would solve that little problem, though.

 

“Maybe you should talk to your friend,” Jishin said, turning to Shikamaru. “I’ll give you a moment to reason with him.”

 

Sakura closed her eyes as Jishin turned and headed for the door. Although Sakura was glad that Shikamaru stayed, she couldn’t say as much for the guards that remained. She’d counted two on Kakashi’s side and could only guess there were as many on hers.

 

“Kakashi,” Shikamaru called, stern. “You left me no choice.”

 

“So you betray Konoha.” Kakashi’s voice was even, but a deep and slow tone that had always made Sakura’s blood run cold. He only spoke in such a way to lowest of the low. “That’s noble of you.”

 

“Assassinating the Kazekage is noble, in your eyes?” Shikamaru countered, his voice raising just a hint. “You  know what this means. You all do. I acted in Konoha’s best interest.”

 

“Don’t pretend you did,” Kakashi said. “You disobeyed your Hokage.”

 

“You and I are no fools,” Shikamaru sighed. Sakura cracked open one eye again. Shikamaru had her back to her, arms crossed. “This means war. Even now it does. Tsunade has a chance to end this now, and she should.”

 

Shikamaru had alerted the Kazekage, Sakura realized. He’d led them into a trap. 

 

“Are you so willing to throw yourself in a third war? Is that how far gone you are?” Shikamaru continued, kneeling to be on the same level as Kakashi. “You know war better than all of us here. You know what the outcomes are.”

 

Kakashi’s arms flexed, testing his restraints. 

 

“Konoha has all the advantages,” Shikamaru continued. “Ame, money, land, resources. You and Sakura. Suna has  nothing . War might cripple Konoha for a while, but for Suna, a defeat means their downfall. They will risk this because they’ve been left with nothing to survive on.”

 

“I obey my orders,” Kakashi said. “As shinobi, it’s not our place to decide.”

 

“How asinine, to hear this from Hatake Kakashi himself.” This time, Shikamaru was truly angry. Sakura, too, frowned. They had all obeyed orders, in the end, because it was what they  did . “I once looked up to you. Now, you hang to this title, because it’s all Hatake Kakashi has ever been. A ninja. You don’t know how to be anything else. You risk war for this.”

 

Sakura’s heart hammered in her chest. Shikamaru had never been one to avoid the truth, but he preferred to sidestep confrontation. Their situation was beyond desperate, yet Shikamaru was doing his best to help them regardless. They had put themselves in this mess. Across from her, Kakashi remained silent. 

 

“Stand down, Kakashi,” Shikamaru demanded more than he suggested. “Convince Tsunade to accept the proposal. Ame is superfluous to Konoha.”

 

Shikamaru was right. Sakura had blindly obeyed orders because they were Tsunade’s and Kakashi’s. It had been foolish, a repeat of past mistakes that none of them should have been desensitised to. This wasn’t why they’d all fought in the last war. It wasn’t why  they had fought.

 

Kakashi hung his head. “I’ll try.”

 

“Good. I’ll tell them to bring Ino so you can communicate,” Shikamaru said as he stood up.

 

Sakura cursed inwardly. The muscles in Sakura’s thighs responded sporadically when Sakura tried to squeeze them together. Injecting herself without the use of her hands was hard enough already without needing another obstacle. When she felt the cap fall down her pants, Sakura lost no time in pressing the needle into her thigh. The liquid emptied by itself, thankfully needing no more manipulation. Already, the door was opening. Sakura bit her tongue, drawing blood, when the stimulant kicked in, to prevent herself from gasping. Her heart felt like it might explode. 

 

There was no time to be wasted, though. Kakashi had broken the iron binding his wrists and was pushing to his feet. Tying Kakashi in iron would have been more than sufficient once upon a time; a time when he hadn’t learned from Sakura how to use chakra enhanced strength. It was another of their dirty little secrets and he was rather dreadful at it, but he still managed it. The contraption around his head next came next, the sound of its material being crushed finally alerting the guards.

 

They’d felt so safe they hadn’t even been looking his way, instead watching the Kazekage as he stepped into the room.

 

Finally regaining enough control of her body, Sakura hauled her body up and hurried to activate the seal on her forehead. The additional flow of chakra throughout her body eased the distress of her body, allowing her to be clear-headed at last. Kakashi formed chidori in his hand, its light nearly blinding everyone in the small confines of their enclosed space. Sakura paid it no mind; Kakashi’s target was clear in her mind and she ran for it.

 

Sakura gasped when Kakashi’s hand pierced through her collarbone. Tsunade’s jutsu healed her body rapidly -- it did not prevent pain. Instinctively, she grasped at his arm as she spat blood on his sleeve. Inside her wound, the still-activated chidori burnt her flesh and sent shocks all through her -- a sensation that left her wanting to scream and hurl. On the skin of her back, Sakura could feel Kakashi’s fingers twitching. Good, her chakra shield had prevented him from going right through her and reaching the Kazekage. 

 

Kakashi was looking into her eyes, his own wide and terrified. It was cruel, to do this to him, she knew. But Kakashi had been cruel, too.

 

Before he could speak, Sakura wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him against her as she twisted them around. The guard’s kunai slashed at her shoulders, missing any vital points. Kakashi removed his arm from her torso, the sound sickening to her own ears. Sakura refused to let him move away, though, fearing even in his state of shock he’d still attempt to complete their objective. 

 

“Sakura!” Kunan shouted, the metal of his restraints clinking together. 

 

The guards were rooted to the spot, seemingly almost as shocked as Kakashi.

 

Sakura gathered chakra around her fist, the sheer amount making it visible. “Stay back!” Sakura shouted. “I’ll take all of us down if I have to.”

 

As the guards looked to their Kazekage for instructions, Sakura dragged herself and Kakashi away from them, closer to Kunan and Shokubai. Until now, she hadn’t had a chance to even see them, but she was relieved to find them here with them now. Their restraints broke like twigs between her fingers. 

 

Jishin raised his arm, signaling for his guards to step back. 

 

Sakura swallowed, her heart hammering in her ears as she placed her hands over Kakashi’s shoulders, ready to transfer her chakra to him if they attacked. In such a small space, Sakura’s strength was more of a risk than an advantage.

 

The Kazekage hesitated. He recognized their stance, Sakura guessed. The squad they’d allowed to flee had certainly reported this part of their strategy.

 

“Explain yourself,” Jishin said, surprisingly calm for someone who’d escaped death by a hair’s breath. 

 

Shikamaru was standing on the other side of the room, as surprised as all of them. Though he was clearly prepared to act, he made no move to defend either side. 

 

Sakura spat -- or more precisely, practically vomited -- blood and Kakashi twisted his neck to look back at her, trembling under hands. Chidori had gone right through a part of her lung and made it difficult to talk for the moment, though the gaping hole in her torso was closing rather fast.

 

“Shikamaru was right,” Sakura wheezed. Kakashi’s chidori was a devastating attack, even when accounting for her self-healing powers. “I can’t complete the mission.”

 

Kunan was at her side, ready to defend her, as the plan had been. Shokubai took the other side, though he looked far more distraught. 

 

Jishin only looked straight in her eyes for a long moment. Every hair on Sakura’s body stood on end, waiting for the slightest dangerous signal. She didn’t want to fight here. Suna had suffered enough already in the past decade. Wrecking it further would hurt their village almost the same as war would. Jishin knew to what extent she could ravage it with a single punch.

 

“You saved my life, Haruno,” Jishin finally said. “I thank you for that.”

 

“Let us go, then,” Sakura answered, her breath evening as her flesh meshed back together. 

 

Jishin’s eyes slid shut and he smiled, just one corner of his mouth lifting. “My great aunt was right about you. She said you would bring down a nation to protect those you loved.”

 

Jishin motioned for his guards to leave, which they did with great reluctance.

 

“My village is worth more than your lives,” he said. “I won’t take this gamble. Follow me.”

 

Jishin turned on his heels and walked back out the door. Sakura exhaled the breath she’d been holding, although only to choke out more blood. A glance down at her ANBU shirt had her grimacing; she’d done a number on it with all the blood and vomit. Kakashi tried to move forward, but Sakura only tightened her hold on his shoulders and shoved him behind her. They locked eyes for a moment, but Sakura relented when Kakashi presented no challenge. 

 

Sakura led her squad outside, Kunan and Shokubai close on her heels, for safety measures. Sakura doubted there would be any use, but she didn’t protest. Shikamaru followed them. He would come home with them. Suna would be unlikely to be a safe environment for him from now on. 

 

“This way,” Jishin said, resuming his walk.

 

They followed in silence. When they finally reached the outside, Sakura reached behind her to take Kakashi’s hand. His fingers closed around her palm, squeezing it. Sakura squinted against the bright light of the sun, wishing it could have been the moon greeting them instead. Jishin guided them through the streets, ignoring the rows of bystanders that gathered on their sides. 

 

“I take it you’ll be fine on your own from here?” Jishin asked when they were finally outside the village, at the mercy of the sea of sand that surrounded Suna. 

 

“Yes.” Sakura nodded. 

 

Jishin extended his hand to her, smirking. “It was an honor seeing the famous duo in action.”

 

Sakura walked the few steps that separated her from Jishin and shook his hand. As shinobi, this was the one true bond that allied any ninja. The thrill of meeting an opponent against whom one had to give everything just for a chance at survival. The thrill of pushing themselves to the limit. 

 

“You speak too soon,” Sakura said, one hand on her hip. “You’ve seen nothing yet.”

 

“Yes, yes, you are right,” Jishin laughed. “I’m afraid we’ll meet again, soon. I will see you then.”

 

Soon, when our armies clash. The smirk was wiped from Sakura’s face. “I’ll do my best to convince Hokage-sama to rethink Konoha’s position, Kazekage-sama.”

 

“I trust you will.” Jishin nodded, stepping back to return to the village. “Go home, now.”

 

Sakura nodded and watched quietly as he jumped down the cliff, back into Suna, before she turned back towards her comrades. Wishing only for the comfort of her bed already, Sakura led the path back to Konoha. 

 

“Sakura,” Kunan called when they were a safe distance away. “Stop.”

 

Feet slipping in the sand, Sakura slowed to a stop, cursing at the ground. Exhaustion was weighing down her limbs already, now that she’d deactivated her seal. 

 

“You should rest,” Kunan said, cupping her cheeks in his palms as he stared down at her. Sakura couldn’t help but smile looking up at his black eyes. He was leaning in, just barely, as if to kiss her, but unwilling to take the plunge. “You’re going to collapse.”

 

Sakura did wish he would just press his lips to hers already from one long, hard kiss, but she couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t put her lips anywhere near all that blood and vomit. “I’m okay. Let’s go home.”

 

They resumed their sprint. Sakura halted immediately, turning to see Kakashi had collapsed to his hands and knees behind them. Frowning, Sakura hurried to his side, dropping to her knees to help him up, only for him to shove her away and onto her hindside.

 

Sakura pushed herself back to her knees, fisting her hands in the sand. “Kakashi, what are you -- “

 

“I could have killed you!” Kakashi barked, now facing her. With his face bare, his snarl was visible to all. “What possessed you -- “

 

“Shut up!” Sakura shouted. Her fist connected with his jaw and he stumbled on his ass the same way she had. He got back to his knees and wiped at the corner of his mouth, glaring her down. “Glare at me all you want, I don’t give a fuck!”

 

Kakashi lunged for her, pinning her down in the sand as he returned the favor. Sakura grunted when his fist collided with her cheekbone. From the corner of her eye, Sakura could see the concerned gazes of their comrades, but they didn’t move an inch. They would fight it out, they knew.

 

“You’re insane!” Kakashi grabbed her collar, lifting her back off the ground. “Why did you disobey me?!”

 

“ I’m insane?” Sakura snarked back, wrestling Kakashi into switching positions. He grabbed her wrists when she reached for his shirt, barely managing to keep her hands away from him. “You’re fucking senile!”

 

Kakashi kicked her off his legs, struggling to get back on his feet as they slid in the sand. Sakura failed all the same, settling for throwing sand in Kakashi’s face. Kakashi lost no time to mimic her. They both spat, the sand in their mouth irritating their throats. Sakura forced one eye open, tearing up because of the grains still stuck in it. Kakashi was on his side, huffing and squinting as she was. 

 

“Help me up,” Sakura growled when Kakashi stood first, reaching for his hand. 

 

Kakashi hauled her up without a word. 

 

“Let’s go home now,” Sakura huffed, rubbing her eyes. 

 

Everyone obeyed, silent and avoiding eye contact at all costs. Kakashi settled in his place as the lead and Sakura fell back into her usual position. At her side, she could feel Kunan watching her, though his gaze shifted to the back of Kakashi’s head whenever she looked his way.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Before sunset, Kakashi signaled his squad to stop. They were long overdue for a short rest, at the very least. Sakura couldn’t be more grateful for it. Although her wounds were fully healed -- included the burns on her arms -- she was exhausted and still in considerable pain.

 

“There’s a stream nearby,” Kunan offered, nodding towards the east. “You should go wash up and cool down.”

 

Sakura nodded. They were back in Fire territory now. They knew these parts like the back of their hands. Shikamaru and Kakashi followed her when she walked away. Kunan began to as well, but Kakashi ordered him to stay back. Although it was unclear if it was an order or a threat, Kunan obeyed. 

 

Sakura snatched the satchel from Shikamaru’s hand when he handed it to her. “Don’t think I’m not pissed at you too because I haven’t yelled at you yet.”

 

“I understand,” Shikamaru said simply, shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“Why would you just hand us to the enemy like that?” Sakura spat as she filled the satchel with water. “They could have executed us before you had a chance to convince them otherwise.”

 

“The Kazekage is more reasonable than you make him out to be, Sakura,” Shikamaru answered, rummaging through his jacket for a sanitizing tablet. “It was a safer bet than letting you sneak in and get caught  before I could do anything. You tied my hands.”

 

Sakura frowned, dropping the tablet in the water. She closed the lid and waited for it to take effect. “I’m sorry we put you in such a position, Shikamaru.”

 

“The fault doesn’t lie on you.” Shikamaru sighed and wiped a palm down his weary face. “Tsunade’s orders were foolish to begin with.”

 

“Go back with the others,” Kakashi interrupted from where he leaned against the thick trunk of a tree, arms crossed over his chest. “I need to talk to Sakura.”

 

Shikamaru didn’t protest. He walked away without a word. Sakura exhaled a long, exasperated breath and pulled her shirt over her head, discarding it to the side. Ignoring Kakashi, Sakura bent down and submerged her head in the water, scrubbing away at her mouth. Crusted blood and vomit wasn’t so easy to wash off. 

 

When she pulled her head out of the water, Kakashi was at her side, kneeling by her. He didn’t leave her a chance to yell at him before he locked her in a tight embrace. Sakura sighed in his shirt, pressing her nose into his breast when his fingers tangled in her hair. He pulled away, only to lean down and kiss her. 

 

“Kakashi -- “

 

Kakashi only pressed his lips harder against hers, fingers digging into her scalp where they gripped her hair. Sakura fisted her hands in his shirt, brows knitting together in frustration, though she didn’t try to move away. 

 

“I thought I’d killed you, too,” Kakashi breathed against her lips. “I thought I killed you.”

 

“You won’t kill me that easily,” Sakura whispered, looking at up Kakashi through her wet lashes. Kakashi looked like he’d aged a decade since she’d last taken a glance at him. The bags under his eyes were bigger than she remembered them to be, and so were the wrinkles on his forehead and around his mouth. “You did get a good hit in, though.”

 

The truth was, if she had miscalculated and he had pierced her heart instead, she might very well be dead.

 

The corner of Kakashi’s mouth quirked into a small, nervous smile. He pressed her forehead to hers, sagging against her. 

 

Sakura forced a smile. “I must taste terrible.”

 

“You do,” Kakashi chuckled, pressing another small kiss to her lips. “Vile.”

 

“Then stop kissing me,” Sakura chastised, pulling away from him. Kakashi only wrapped his arms around her again, trapping her against his chest. “You have terrible breath, too.”

 

Sakura didn’t move, and neither did Kakashi. They remained in each other’s embrace for a while longer, until enough time ticked by that they thought the others would come looking for them. It was more than time they went back home already.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	11. Tell the Lies We Tell

xxx

 

“You missed the party.”

 

Kakashi wasn’t surprised when Sakura showed up at his window, much like the way he used to do to her all the time at all kinds of inopportune moments. “You knew I would.”

 

Sakura sat on the windowsill, lips stretched in a smile that wasn’t all too convincing. “I thought you might show up for my engagement party, at least. You did for my promotion.”

 

“You know what I was going to say.”

 

No, actually, she didn’t. 

 

“Then tell it to me now.”

 

Kakashi sat up in his bed, leaning his elbows on his thighs. With the blanket no longer covering his body, he saw the way Sakura’s eyes lowered, to the band of his boxers and then back up to his face. There was nothing she hadn’t seen before.

 

“Congratulations.”

 

Sakura smiled the same smile again. “That’s all?”

 

Kakashi shrugged and Sakura stepped into his bedroom, standing just a few feet from his bed. 

 

“No ‘Oh, you look so happy together!’ or ‘Him? I can’t believe it!’” Sakura imitated the expressions of whomever had told her that, chuckling at the end. “Not even an excuse about why you couldn’t come?”

 

“Do you want one?”

 

Sakura sat in front of him, the bed creaking under her weight. “Of course I do.”

 

Kakashi smiled and pressed a palm to his heart, his other hand open in the air above his head “I was heartbroken,” he said mockingly.

 

Sakura’s eyes were on him, calculating and expecting. He wondered why she sat on his bed.

 

“I lost my sense of direction, and by the time I got there… You weren’t there.”

 

Sakura chuckled. “You should try being on time, someday.”

 

“Why? You’re always there, waiting for me.”

 

Sakura smiled to him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess I am.”

 

“You should go home, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi said, lying down. “It’s late.”

 

“Okay.”

 

xxx

 

Chapter Eleven: Tell the Lies we Tell

 

....

 

Just as it had been night when they’d left, it was night when they returned. Though they all wished for a good night’s sleep, they lost no time in heading straight for Tsunade’s home. There were greeted with surprise by the maid, but she diligently fetched Tsunade for them as they waited in the entrance hall of the Hokage’s residency. Distantly, Sakura remembered how Tsunade had pretended to hate having to move into it when she’d become Hokage.

 

“You’re home,” Tsunade said as she stepped in the hall, her shoulders sagging with relief. “All of you.”

 

“We didn’t complete the objective,” Kakashi said quickly, stepping forward. “The Kazekage is alive.”

 

Tsunade paused, eyeing Shikamaru. “I see.”

 

“Shikamaru divulged our position and we were taken captive,” Kakashi continued, his spine stiff. “I attempted to complete the objective, but Sakura prevented me from doing so.”

 

“What does this mean?” Tsunade frowned, searching for Sakura behind Kakashi. 

 

Kakashi began to answer, but Sakura tugged at his sleeve and stood at his side. “I can explain myself.”

 

“Then do so,” Tsunade said. Though she sounded angry -- when didn’t she? -- her eyes softened, giving away her relief to see Sakura again. “Immediately.”

 

“I knowingly disobeyed your orders,” Sakura began, gathering her courage, “because they were wrong.”

 

“Wrong?” Tsunade let out, in disbelief. “Since when do you question -- “

 

“I’m sorry, Shishou,” Sakura said quickly, bowing. “I followed Shikamaru’s advice instead of yours. Shikamaru is a better strategist than any of us. He weighed the advantages and drawbacks we overlooked. I prevented Kakashi from killing Kazekage-sama because it was the wrong path for Konoha to take.” Sakura stood upright again, meeting Tsunade’s questioning eyes. “You were hasty in ordering the Kazekage’s assassination. You were blindsided by our loss of the troops in Ame and refused to see what caused Suna to act so.” Sakura swallowed, feeling herself shrinking under Tsunade’s increasingly heavier glare. “The Fourth War was fought to ally the shinobi nations. We are disgracing the memories of our fallen comrades by not providing the help Suna needs. Worse than it all, we are acting on greed and fear. I will not stand for it. Not after their sacrifices. I will not repeat the mistakes we have made over and over already.”

 

Tsunade didn’t move for a moment, eyes still glued to Sakura and narrowed in anger. Then, she sighed and shook her head, running a hand through her hair. 

 

“It’s too late to talk about this,” she said. “Report here tomorrow at noon sharp.”

 

“Yes, Shishou,” Sakura said quickly, bowing.

 

“Be on your best behavior,” Tsunade warned as she spun on her heels to face away from them. “The Tsuchikage will be visiting. You and Kakashi will act as my guards.”

 

Sakura’s stomach sank, but she nodded. “Yes, Shishou.”

 

Sakura closed the door behind them once they were all out. The hours of travel finally came crashing down on Sakura’s limbs, threatening to make her legs buckle under their weight. They hadn’t slept or eaten properly in days. 

 

“I’ll head to my family’s estate,” Shikamaru cut in. “Unless you plan to bring me to a cell?”

 

“Go home,” Kakashi said, shaking his head. “If Tsunade wanted you dead, it would be done already.”

 

“Without a doubt,” Shikamaru chuckled, walking away already. “Sleep well.”

 

Shokubai went his own way without saying a word. Sakura couldn’t tell if he was simply too weary for pleasantries or if he wished them all to be gone from his sight already. Kakashi followed soon enough, though he was polite enough to turn and raise his hand and wish them a good night.

 

Now alone, Sakura turned to Kunan. He took her hand in his, leading her away before she could protest.

 

“Kunan,” Sakura complained when she noticed they weren’t headed for his place or hers. “I really need to sleep.”

 

“I know,” he said, not relenting his hold on her hand. “It’ll be just a minute.”

 

Sakura smiled when the Hokage’s tower came into view. She had forgotten, but he had not. Carefully, he pushed her against the wall, placing his palms on each side of her head as he had before they let.

 

“I didn’t want to wait,” Kunan said. Gently, he pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes weighed down by the same exhaustion that claimed her body. “I promised.”

 

“Then what are you waiting for?” Sakura teased, smirking.

 

Kunan took the bait. He kissed her, impatience and relief clear in the way he moved against her. Sakura threw her arms around his neck, sighing against his lips. When his kisses grew hungrier, Sakura tried to pull away, but Kunan would have none of it. One of his hands slipped under the band of her pants, the other pinning her wrists above her head.

 

“Kunan,” Sakura scolded when he rubbed circles around her clit. Tired as she was, he still managed to coax a small reaction out of her. “We need to go to bed.”

 

“No need for a bed,” Kunan chuckled. His mouth moved down her neck, kissing where he knew her to be most sensitive. “Here will do.”

 

Shock sobered Sakura back into alertness and she struggled against his hold. “We’re in the middle of the street!”

 

“Not quite,” Kunan corrected, hooking his fingers under the band of her pants and underwear. “That would be a few meters behind me.”

 

“You know what I mean!” Sakura growled, squeezing her thighs together when he tried to undress her. “What are you -- cut that out!”

 

“No,” Kunan breathed against her lips before he stole another kiss. 

 

Sakura growled into his mouth, but kissed him regardless. Then, he kneeled before her, pulling hard enough on her pants and underwear to lower them even with her thighs locked together. Sakura gasped when the cold air touched her skin. 

 

“Kunan!” Sakura grabbed fistfuls of his hair when he pressed his face to her thighs. He gripped her thighs with both hands and pried them apart. Sakura was running on empty already, too weak to fight him. “Someone will see.”

 

“Give them something good to see, then,” Kunan rasped from between her legs. 

 

She could just see his smug face, even though it was hidden from her view. Sakura scoffed, planting her palms on the concrete behind her when Kunan’s tongue slid between her nether lips. Admitting defeat, Sakura let her head roll back against the wall behind her, groaning when he licked at her clit.

 

Sakura did her best to contain her breathing and voice as Kunan continued his ministrations, though she couldn’t help but buck her hips against him. Kunan only took it as a sign of encouragement and gripped one of her hips to steady her. 

 

“Oh god,” Sakura gasped when she felt her insides begin to clench. “Don’t stop.”

 

“I thought you didn’t want me to do this?” Kunan teased, smirking. Sakura growled and pushed his head back between her thighs. “Fine, fine.”

 

Before Sakura could climax, he pulled away. Sakura cursed at him and grabbed handfuls of his hair, pushing him back where he needed to be. Kunan let out a curse of his own when she pulled too hard and managed to free himself. Sakura might have screamed at him, if she didn’t see how he was undoing his pants and pulling his shaft out of them.

 

Sakura didn’t hesitate to hook her thighs around his hips, all too glad for the help he offered, and wrapped her arms around his neck for more support. Holding her up against him, Kunan stepped forward until her back was pressed flush against the wall, alleviating some of the weight on his hips. Then, he thrusted into her, wasting no time on gentleness or patience.

 

Sakura groaned, tightening her hold on his neck and hips. Kunan moaned, his fingernails digging into the skin of her thighs. Once the first wave of pleasure washed away and he regained his bearings, he thrust into her again, settling in a hard rhythm. Sakura’s hips protested whenever they hit the concrete behind her, but she paid it no mind. The ache between her thighs deserved her attention far, far more.

 

“Look at me,” Kunan rasped. “I want to see you come.”

 

“Then make me come already,” Sakura groaned, arching her into him. She locked her eyes with his, struggling to keep them open with each new jolt of electricity that coursed through her body. “Stop messing around and  fuck  me.”

 

Kunan exhaled sharply against her shoulder and she could feel him twitch inside of her. This kind of talk always had a nice effect on him, Sakura had found out, and she didn’t hesitate to use it when she was getting impatient.

 

“Is this hard enough for you?” Kunan growled when she slammed his hips into hers. Sakura groaned, bucking her hips against his. “Is this how you want me to fuck you, Sakura?”

 

Sakura bit her lip, loving the goosebumps that raised on her skin. “Yes,” she breathed out, feeling her insides beginning to clench again.

 

“Then come for me, Sakura,  hard ,” he growled, pressing her forehead to hers as he stared straight into her eyes. “Don’t close your eyes, look at me.”

 

Sakura gasped as she came, her breath stuck in her throat through the first few blissful contractions. She did her best to obey Kunan, loving the way his own eyes struggled to remain open as he came in her, bucking his hips against her sporadically. 

 

They panted into each other’s shoulders as the pleasure passed. Kunan lowered them to the ground slowly, his legs trembling under their weight. 

 

“Can we sleep here?” Sakura groaned, draping an arm over his chest when Kunan laid them down on the pavement. “I don’t want to walk.”

 

“I don’t think Hokage-sama will appreciate it,” Kunan chuckled, throwing an arm over his eyes. “I doubt she wants to greet the Tsuchikage with a half naked couple sleeping by her office.”

 

Sakura laughed against his shoulder, but she didn’t budge and neither did he. They remained there for a little while, too tired and drained to care about how uncomfortable the pavement was or who might walk by. They’d care about it later, when their limbs were able to carry them home.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

The next day, Sakura wished for nothing more than to return to bed. No amount of sleep could prepare her for the day. Regardless, Sakura had dragged herself to Tsunade’s office at the appointed time, wearing a fresh face and her full jonin attire. She’d had to race by the hospital and headquarters to resupply on the equipment she’d left behind in Suna, but she was on time regardless. Kakashi was too, for once.

 

“Tsunade!” the Tsuchikage exclaimed as he approached Tsunade, extending his hand for her to shake. “It’s such a pleasure to see you again!”

 

“The same to you, Hisao,” Tsunade returned, crushing his hand between her fingers. “We need to meet more often, you and I.”

 

Hisao’s eye twitched as he smirked. “I see you still have your iron grip.”

 

“Of course,” Tsunade laughed, freeing his hand. “Come, let’s talk in my office.”

 

Sakura looked straight ahead as she followed them, not missing the way Hisao’s eyes looked her way before he walked. Kakashi said nothing next to her. His face was covered by usual mask, hiding away any tension in his face.

 

“Haruno Sakura, isn’t it?” Hisao said, nodding towards Sakura. “Your apprentice.”

 

“Yes, that’s her.” Tsunade nodded. “You recognize her a decade later?”

 

“It’s hard to forget that hair,” Hisao chuckled.

 

Tsunade laughed and nodded. Sakura grit her teeth. She still remembered the way he had pulled on it and -- Sakura swallowed, focusing on her breathing. Kakashi’s fingers touched her elbow, just barely, letting her know he was there. 

 

“So what is this urgent proposal that could only be discussed in private, hm?” Hisao took his seat across from Tsunade’s desk, reclining in it. “I assume you didn’t make me travel all the way here for nothing.”

 

“Right to the heart of the subject, huh?” Tsunade chuckled. “Indeed, I think I have a proposal you will appreciate.”

 

Sakura stared out the window at the monument. Not much of it was visible at her angle. 

 

“I want to offer you fifteen percent of Ame’s revenues for the next five years,” Tsunade started. “Under a certain set of conditions, of course.”

 

Hisao shifted in his seat, more serious. “It seems the birds don’t lie.”

 

“I don’t see what you’re talking about,” Tsunade said, clasping her hands together on her desk. 

 

Hisao chuckled and nodded. “What are these conditions, then?”

 

“A contract between Iwa and Konoha.” Tsunade’s brows bunched together, her face hardened into her poker expression. “An alliance, if you will.”

 

“What compensation do you expect?” Hisao asked, his own features schooled into a more serious face. “You expect something from us, so tell me.”

 

“Should any -- “ Tsunade cleared her throat. “--  situation require a large amount of manpower, I expect Iwa to supply what it can spare. And, of course, this generosity should only be extended to Konoha.”

 

“Indeed, the birds don’t lie.” Hisao leaned back in his chair, frowning. “I see.”

 

Tsunade remained silent. Sakura frowned and look at Kakashi from the corner of her eye. It seemed rumors of the conflict had spread, for Hisao to be aware of the situation all the way into the mountains. 

 

“Twenty five percent,” Hisao countered. “For ten years.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.” Tsunade scoffed. “Twenty, for five.”

 

“Don’t be greedy, Tsunade,” Hisao said, voice a little too saccharine to Sakura’s ears. “You’re asking for a lot in return.”

 

“Twenty,” Tsunade countered, frowning. “For ten years.”

 

“Prepare the paperwork, then,” Hisao answered, smirking as he crossed his arms over his chest. “We have a deal. We can work out the smaller details as we work over the contract.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

By the time the said contract was written, signed and stamped with both the Hokage and Tsuchikage’s personal seals, the sun was already setting. Sakura could practically feel herself falling asleep on her feet. Kakashi’s occasional elbow nudge was all that kept her awake. 

 

“Before I take my leave for the night.” Hisao covered a yawn with his fist. “May I have a word with your apprentice?”

 

Tsunade cocked an eyebrow, automatically defensive. “What could you want with her?”

 

“A woman of her caliber and age, still unmarried,” Hisao said, smirking behind his fist. “And you wonder what I might want?”

 

Tsunade chuckled and waved her hand dismissively. “You may. I won’t be responsible for any damage to your person, though.”

 

Hisao laughed and stood, walking to the door before he opened it. He motioned for Sakura to go through first and she obeyed, ignoring the way Kakashi stiffened as she passed him by. In the hallway, Sakura led Hisao to another room where she knew they wouldn’t be bothered. She walked with her arms locked behind her back, refusing to look back at Hisao. 

 

“That’s not quite the kind of room I expected to have a chat in.” Hisao chuckled, glancing at the stacks of papers piled everywhere. Tsunade had certainly slacked on the organizing lately. “But if you fancy it.”

 

“If you may get to the point right away,” Sakura said, her voice bland and even. “I have other duties to attend to.”

 

“Of course, of course.” Hisao leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his bulky chest. A decade ago, he hadn’t been quite so big. He’d only been twenty-five, then, if she recalled correctly. “You never reported it, did you?”

 

Sakura shook her head, staring listlessly at the wall behind Hisao.

 

“I never understood. I’ve been wondering all these years,” Hisao said, frowning. “You were strong enough to stop me. You didn’t. You didn’t report it, either.”

 

“What of it?” Sakura said, struggling to keep the venom from her voice.

 

“Why not?”

 

“For peace,” Sakura answered, gripping her palms behind her back. Already then, Hisao had been chosen to replace the previous Tsuchikage once the time came. He had been high profile and such a report wouldn’t have been swept under the rug easily. “It was an easy choice.”

 

Hisao stepped closer to her. Sakura clenched the muscles in her thighs, but refused to move. He stopped when he was only a foot away from her and ran the fingers of one hand over her cheek and into her hair. 

 

“What tells me you won’t decide to open your mouth now?” His hand fisted in her hair, pulling too hard for comfort. 

 

“The same reason,” Sakura ground out, wincing when he tightened his hold. “It’s not worth it.”

 

“What a perfect kunoichi you are.” Hisao chuckled, relenting his hold on hair. “Hatake raised you well.”

 

Sakura didn’t rise to the bait, instead only nodded. “He did.”

 

“Then we have nothing left to discuss,” Hisao said, gesturing towards the door. “Let us all head home already.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  


“Sakura.”

 

Sakura sighed. Truly, she was exhausted. She didn’t need another conversation, more excuses, more arguing. Kakashi caught up to her quickly and stood in front of her, blocking her path.

 

“What is it, Kakashi?” Sakura said, lacking the energy to give any bite to her voice. “I want to go home.”

 

“It was him, wasn’t it?” he asked, hands hidden in his pocket like they tended to be. 

 

“You already knew that.” Sakura scoffed. “Do you have any other questions for me or can I go?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Sakura’s brows knitted together, frustration weighing down her features. She looked up at Kakashi, wishing no less than to hate the anger and concern that swirled together in his eyes, the tightness in his muscles that demanded nothing more than to lash out the same way hers did.

 

“It wasn’t worth telling,” Sakura answered truthfully. “You taught me to value the greater good above my own. I did as you would have.”

 

Kakashi’s shoulders dropped and he looked away. “Do you want a drink?”

 

Sakura arched an eyebrow, unsure whether she’d heard him right or her mind had spoken over him. “Are you serious?”

 

“Yes,” Kakashi said, nodding behind him, towards his apartment. “I have a bottle with your name on it.”

 

“When did you get it?” Sakura’s feet carried her without thought; the path to Kakashi’s apartment was one they knew well. Kakashi followed, his hands in his pockets. “You haven’t had any free time since we came back.”

 

“I had a clone go buy it this afternoon.”

 

Sakura smirked to herself and shook her head. Already this morning, he’d thought his plan through. By their habit, they would go to a bar, where they would promptly be kicked out once they’d had enough and were causing enough trouble. This wasn’t one of those days, Kakashi knew. 

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura called, eyes lowered onto the pavement. “Why did you lie to Shikamaru? Why did you do it anyway?”

 

Kakashi looked straight ahead as they walked. They were almost a full block farther when he finally spoke. “We both knew Tsunade wouldn’t change her mind.”

 

Sakura nodded. They didn’t agree, not entirely at least, but she understood. Kakashi was always one step ahead of her, always aware of the next obstacle before she was. Sometimes, though, he would still crash into it when she wouldn’t.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sakura said, lifting her chin up and looking straight ahead, down the road. “I’ll talk to her again. I’ll try again.”

 

“You’ve always been stubborn.” Kakashi chuckled. He looked to the side, at the buildings that came and went, not truly paying attention to any one of them. “Headstrong.”

 

Sakura smiled to herself. It had taken a fight with Ino and resisting her mind possession to realize she wasn’t weak. Years would still pass before she recognized she wasn’t only  not weak but strong, perhaps unbreakable. She’d been very young then, still.

 

Kakashi opened his front door for her and Sakura walked in, heading straight for the bed to drop dead in it. The door closed and Kakashi was at her side, fumbling out of his vest. Inside, where it was only him and her, they shed their layers without a thought. The heavy clothes, the weapons, but most of all, the face. Inside, they could be exhausted, worn from life itself and empty.

 

There would be a war, soon. Another one. 

 

Sakura kicked her pants off to the floor together with her jacket and sweater. They landed with a heavy thud, the pouch attached to them full to the brim with her arsenal. She pulled down on the legs of her boxer briefs; they always rode up. It was a constant annoyance, but they were more comfortable on duty than regular panties. 

 

“Take them off.” Sakura pulled her mesh shirt over her head, then the the tank top. Kakashi pulled on bindings and unwound them from her body. “Thanks.”

 

Sakura inhaled deeply when her skin was finally free. Kakashi was right that the bindings were unnecessary -- her breasts weren’t so impressive, after all -- but they had always made Sakura feel safer. Less at the mercy of a feminine body that was never as imposing or neutral as Kakashi’s. She slipped back into her tank top and turned to Kakashi. He never took off much, even at home, comfortable in his pants and muscle shirt. 

 

The bottle was in his hands, the cap coming loose as he twisted it. 

 

“Whiskey,” Sakura huffed, playing dead on his bed again. “Couldn’t you pick something else?”

 

Kakashi took one long swig, clearing his throat after he swallowed. “I like whiskey.”

 

Sakura snatched the bottle from his hand when he handed and imitated him. She didn’t cough to ease the burning in her throat, though, preferring to ride it out. It came and went, as everything else did. 

 

Half of the bottle’s contents were emptied before Sakura rolled onto her stomach, patting the bed. “Come here.”

 

Kakashi stood, slightly wobbly on his legs. Of course, Kakashi had bought the biggest bottle. More bang for your buck, he always said, as if it justified proceeding to empty it out in the same length of time as the smaller bottles. When he sat on the bed, Sakura pulled herself up to a sitting position, pressing her shoulder to his. Her cheeks were hot, the alcohol warming them. 

 

“Last time you drank whiskey,” Kakashi chuckle, interrupting himself, “you wouldn’t let me put your panties back on you.”

 

Sakura laughed and laid her head on his shoulder, easing the buzzing in her head. “Drink more,” she said, shoving the bottle in his hand. “We’re not quite there yet.”

 

Kakashi did as he was told, then put the bottle to her lips, tipping it so she could drink from it. Sakura grunted when he was too clumsy and some of the whiskey spilled on her shirt. 

 

“Sorry,” Kakashi grumbled, pulling the bottle away.

 

Sakura would usually complain, but the arm he laid around her shoulders retained her attention, most of all the fingers that rubbed small, lazy circles on her arm. Even their legs were spread out in a way that they pressed against each other’s. 

 

“Give me the bottle,” Sakura said, frowning. 

 

Kakashi didn’t fight when she took it from his hand and watched her with tired eyes as she swallowed a few mouthfuls. She leaned over him and put the bottle down on the windowsill. When she sat back, Kakashi’s arm was on her just the same way, his fingers resuming their caress. Sakura reached for his other hand and grabbed it, pulling it closer until it rested on her thigh, too high for decency. 

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi said, his frown almost cute without his mask covering it. 

 

“I’ve had enough, Kakashi,” Sakura said before he could continue. He tried to pull his hand away, but Sakura didn’t let him. “Haven’t you?”

 

Kakashi didn’t relent -- he never did. He stared at her with the same stony eyes that always looked back at her when she pressed him too hard. This time, though, Sakura had truly had enough. Enough of the back and forth, of his contradictions. Kakashi’s brows bunched together when she sat in his lap, facing him, and he set his hands on her hips, prepared to either pull her harder against him or push her away. Always stuck between the two. Always with the same shame drawn on his face.

 

“Say it,” Sakura breathed out, bumping her forehead against his when she only meant to lean against him. “I want to hear you say it, this time.”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi protested, closing his eyes. “You’re drunk.”

 

“Maybe,” she said, frowning. “But it doesn’t matter, I can still think straight. And you know what I think?” Kakashi looked back at her again, apprehensive as he always was when she was a little too  friendly . “I’m sick of you looking at me like this, like you’ve done something terrible -- “

 

“Sakura -- “

 

“No, don’t.” Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck, molding her body to his. He was hard, she could feel it against her thigh. “I don’t want your bullshit tonight. I want you to tell me the truth.”

 

“What is it you want to hear?” Kakashi rasped. 

 

Sakura rolled her hips into his, satisfied when his hands gripped her hips harder and his breath caught in his throat. “That you wanted me.”

 

Kakashi said nothing, eyes downcast in order to avoid hers. What little patience Sakura had was gone. She pulled her shirt over her head and threw it aside. 

 

“I wanted you, too,” Sakura breathed out, lifting his shirt to press her bare skin against his. “Stop acting like you were some sort of freak -- “

 

“I fucked you,” Kakashi growled, his voice raising dangerously. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to a safe distance. “Is that what you want me to admit? That I fucked you when you were just a child and how fucking disgusting that is -- “

 

Sakura swatted his hands away and resumed their previous position, locking lips with him. As angry as he was, Kakashi didn’t pull away; he only kissed her harder. “I was sixteen. Stop making such a monster out of yourself -- “

 

“Too young,” Kakashi interrupted, his eyes narrowed with the same shame Sakura couldn’t stand seeing anymore. “I shouldn’t have.”

 

Yes, she had been young. Vulnerable and young, but she had wanted it when Kakashi joined her in bed, that night after he’d found out she was raped. 

 

“Stop it with the bullshit morals.” Sakura reached between them to pull Kakashi’s pants down his hips just enough to gain access to his erection. She wrapped her fingers around him, pumping gently and loving the way he bucked his hips into her hand. “I wanted you to fuck me. Before then, after then.”

 

Kakashi groaned and lowered his hands to her hips again, digging his fingernails in her skin.

 

It was the one and only time he had laid hands on her -- save for a few times where they slipped and kissed again, hands a little too curious. 

 

“I don’t care what everyone said about it,” Sakura whispered into his ear. “Neither should you. Stop being ashamed of us, of this. Say it.”

 

Sakura grunted when the back of her head hit the mattress, the room spinning around her. Kakashi was on top of her, pulling his shirt over his head. Palms on each side of her head, he looked down at her, the look in his eyes tying knots in Sakura’s stomach.

 

“You want me to say how many times I wanted to do this?” Kakashi’s fingers hooked under the band of her panties, easily tearing them from her body. Sakura gasped, grabbing at his arms to steady herself when her heart hammered in her chest. “You want me to admit I enjoyed how much you wanted me to do this? Even when you were so young?”

 

Sakura nodded and locked her legs around his lips in an attempt to pull him closer, but he didn’t budge. “I want you to say it -- to mean it! -- and stop looking at me like a doll you broke.”

 

“Fine.” Kakashi stood on his knees and removed his pants and boxers, now as naked as Sakura. He lowered his body onto hers, pressing his lips to her temple as he tangled one hand in her hair. “I want you so fucking much it drives me insane -- wanted you so fucking much it drove me insane.”

 

“Then fuck me.” Sakura cupped Kakashi’s cheeks in her palm, watching the way his eyes lost focus. 

 

Kakashi needed no more encouragement to obey. Sakura groaned when he thrusted into her without so much as a warning. It hurt, yet she didn’t want him to stop or slow down. She’d had enough of the wanting, of the hesitation, of the lies.

 

“I love you,” Sakura moaned when he slammed into her again. He tried to look away, but her hands kept him from doing so. Sakura stared into his eyes, into his spinning sharingan. “Kakashi.”

 

“You don’t,” Kakashi rasped, taking her hands in one of his hands to pin them above her head. “You think you do. You think I do.”

 

Sakura bit her lip, his unforgiving pace causing as much pain as it sparked pleasure. “You’re wrong. You’re the only man I can ever really trust.”

 

“Really? Are you so sure?” As if to prove his point, he tightened his hold on her wrist. Sakura grit her teeth against the pain that shot through her arms. “How can you be? When you let me do everything I want to you?”

 

Sakura arched her back, her breasts squeezing too hard against his chest. “Because it doesn’t matter what you do to me. You love me and you’re going to stay.”

 

Kakashi groaned above her, freeing her wrists so he could grip her hips with both of his hands instead. His thrusts were becoming erratic, struggling to remain as forceful. Sakura ran her fingers through his hair, grabbing fistfuls of it. She pulled him down, forcing a kiss on his open mouth. Kakashi moaned against her lips.

 

He wouldn’t say it, she knew. She was okay with it. She’d said her piece.

 

When he came, he groaned her name into her shoulder, holding her so tight against him that she couldn’t breathe. Sakura said nothing when he finally pulled away, lying on his side and facing away from her. She rolled on her side, too, away from him. Soon, she would fall asleep, forgetting the stickiness and pain between her thighs; the guilt and the fissures in her heart would go with them. Tomorrow, they’d wake up and go about their day as they always did. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	12. Hanging by a Thread That Slips Between My Fingers

xxx

 

Kakashi handed Sakura the bottle and she drank yet another mouthful. It was cheap whiskey, really, but Sakura had stopped grimacing at the taste a long while ago. Instead, she took another swig and placed the bottle between her spread legs. Kakashi reclined his head against the wall of his bedroom, staring at his bland wall. Sakura might have been beyond drunk, but he was just past being buzzed. One of them had to remain functional.

 

Kakashi turned his head to her. He wanted to tell she was going to make herself sick. “Are you going back home tonight?”

 

Sakura snorted, spilling some whiskey on her pant leg. “Yeah. I’m sure I’ll get past your door before I pass out.”

 

Kakashi took the bottle from and she relented it. “I’ll get you a shirt to sleep in.”

 

Kakashi stood up, making it to his dresser without too much trouble.

 

“I really thought I’d get married, you know.”

 

“I know.”

 

Sakura swallowed a sob, drowning it in more whiskey. “I can’t believe he’s dead.”

 

“I know.”

 

Kakashi returned to her and kneeled by her feet. He tugged at her pants until he could push them behind him, then straddled her. Sakura was avoiding looking at him at all, the bottle still to her lips. Kakashi took it once more, placing it out of her reach. He saw Sakura scowl, but she didn’t fight when he pulled her shirt above her head. Neither did she when he removed her bra. 

 

“It’s not fair.”

 

“That I’m fully clothed and you’re wearing nothing but panties?” Kakashi tried to joke. When he tried to put the shirt on her, though, she swatted his arms away, leaving him to stare at her. It wasn’t the first time he saw her naked, of course, though he had to admit it was the first time in his bedroom, and that she reeked of alcohol. “Put it on, Sakura.”

 

“No.”

 

“Fine. Stay naked, if that makes you feel better.”

 

Kakashi tried to move away from her, but she caught his arm and pulled him back. “Why are you all dressed?”

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi warned.

 

“What?” Sakura sat up straighter, slipping her hands under his sweatshirt to roll it up his ribs. “Take it off.”

 

He did, because it was far too warm to sleep in it anyway. 

 

“I’m still nakeder than you.”

 

“Then put the shirt on, Sakura.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why?” 

 

Sakura frowned, the beginning of tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. “I’m not a little girl anymore.”

 

“I know.” 

 

This time, Sakura let him move away. Though, she almost made him regret giving her a better range of movement. Sakura stood up only to sit on his bed, kicking her panties off her feet. Kakashi picked them up and tried to wrestle them back up her legs, but Sakura was having none of it.

 

“Do you really hate my body that much?” Sakura sniffed, hands grabbing at his shoulders to pull him higher.

 

Kakashi gave up putting any clothes on her and laid her down on the the bed, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Of course not, Sakura.”

 

That, again, was not enough for her. Sakura grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. Although she tasted terrible, Kakashi returned it, before he broke away. Sakura frowned and her lips reached for his again, but he pulled away. Undeterred, she ran her hand over his crotch.

 

“You’re hard.”

 

Kakashi looked away, swallowing a sigh. “Of course I am.”

 

Clumsily, he wrapped his arms around her body and moved them so he could put her head on his pillow and pull the covers over them. Sakura rolled on top of him, straddling his hips. 

 

“Kakashi…”

 

Sakura rolled her hips into his, rubbing along his length with surprising precision for her drunken state. In the back of his mind, while he rolled them over, Kakashi swore to never be around a drunken Sakura again. 

 

“Sleep,” Kakashi said as he pinned her arms to her sides.

 

“You want me, don’t you?” Sakura asked, her voice quivering.

 

Reluctantly, Kakashi caught her lips in another kiss, lingering longer than he had planned. “You’re drunk. You’ll hate me tomorrow.”

 

Of course, Sakura was only encouraged. She locked her legs around his hips and trapped him in another languid kiss. “I won’t.”

 

Kakashi’s breath was coming short. He let her play him for a moment, either too weak or tired to fight back. The muscles in his abdomen tensed when she wrapped her hand around his shaft and starting pumping. 

 

When he finally gathered the oxygen to do so, he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered, “I’ll hate myself tomorrow, if I do this.”

 

That was enough to freeze Sakura. She swallowed visibly and waited for him to tear himself from her before rolling on her side. Kakashi fell on his back on his half of the bed, expelling all the air from his lungs. 

 

For the better part of the night, he listened to her cry, saw the tears she hid under his pillow.

 

xxx

 

Chapter Twelve: Hanging by a Thread That Slips Between My Fingers

 

…

  
  


Sakura closed the door behind her as she slipped silently in Tsunade’s office. She knew they would be alone; no one visited Tsunade at this hour of the day. Nobody wanted to be around when Tsunade began to drink. Sakura cared little, though, having been on the brunt end of her shishou’s temper too many times to be affected by it still. 

 

“What are you doing here, Sakura?” Tsunade sighed. She’d just been taking the bottle of sake out of her desk. “I don’t recall summoning you.”

 

“I had to talk to you, Shishou,” Sakura said, standing at the foot of Tsunade’s desk. “About yesterday.”

 

“You defy my orders,” Tsunade scoffed. “Now you come tell the Hokage what to do?”

 

“Yes, Shishou.” Sakura clasped her hands behind her back, hiding the nervous fidgeting of her fingers. 

 

Tsunade laughed and reclined in her chair, lifting her legs only to drop her heels on her desk. The wood creaked under the impact, but stood strong regardless. “Have a seat, then.”

 

Sakura did as she was asked and sat on the chair to her left. Disobeying her orders hadn’t been a light decision, and Tsunade would have to know nothing of Sakura to think so. Tsunade had been the one to drill her strength into Sakura; with it had come an even stronger will and desire to do right.

 

“Yesterday,” Sakura began, laying her elbows on her thighs as she leaned forward. “The contract. You were buying Iwa so they would side with us if there’s a war.”

 

“Yes,” Tsunade replied simply. She drank straight from her bottle, paying Sakura little attention. “You’re not an idiot. Get to the point.”

 

“Then you mean to start a war, soon, don’t you?” 

 

Tsunade nodded. Sakura did her best to calm the quickening pace of her heart. Never before had she dared go headfirst against Tsunade, but she couldn’t back down now.

 

“The Kazekage offered a deal,” Sakura said. “They would have let us go if you gave them Ame without a fight. If you gave it to them now, there wouldn’t be a war.”

 

“I won’t do it.” Tsunade laid her hands on her stomach, looking Sakura straight in the eye. She wasn’t angry, rather only calculating. “You wonder why I would be such a greedy old fool.”

 

“Yes, Shishou.”

 

“What do you think happens if Suna decides that Ame still isn’t enough?” Tsunade’s eyes remained locked with Sakura’s, searching. Sakura’s back stiffened under her gaze. “Ame is a good source of revenue, but are you sure it can shoulder a country all on its own?”

 

Sakura had never delved too deep in politics, preferring to avoid them in favor of the hospital. There, everything was reigned by logic and weighed risk. Saving one more patient was all that mattered; all that should matter.

 

“Iwa is on the sidelines, watching all of this unfold. They hear rumors and they can see what’s coming.” Tsunade took a long swig of sake. “They calculate. Our army is greater than Suna’s, yes, but not greater than theirs and Suna’s combined. Tell me, what do you think follows?”

 

Sakura frowned, pausing to think. “Suna would have offered a larger portion of the benefits, but came with greater risk. Hisao sided with you for a certain victory and decent benefit. At best, you avoid war and they reap their reward free of charge. At worst, casualties and destruction will be mostly on Konoha’s side.”

 

Tsunade nodded. “Why did I not call off the mission and give up Ame, then?”

 

“The knowledge of our temporary weakness spread.” Sakura hung on her head, staring down at the floor to hide her face. “Even if you gave Ame, Iwa sees an opportunity. We appear weak. It’s a good time for an enemy to strike.”

 

“You’re smart,” Tsunade said, nodding. “We’re all old fools, obsessed with finding the dagger before it can stab us in the back. So much that we grab the dagger ourselves, and…”

 

Sakura watched in silence as Tsunade’s voice drifted off. Tsunade’s eyes looked out the window, distant and replaying old memories. Tsunade, too, had seen war more than once. Only now, Sakura realized that Tsunade was as terrified as they all were. Terrified to put the village’s safety in jeopardy, whether it be by avoiding war or heading right into it. There were no good exits. 

 

“Will you fight?” Tsunade to Sakura, her hardened mask back into place. “When the time comes, can I count on you?”

 

Sakura laid her palms on her knees and nodded. Her eyes were on the floor again. “Yes, Shishou.”

 

When the time would come, Sakura would fight at Kakashi’s side. She would fight to protect her village and those she loved, all too aware it was at the cost of someone else’s life. They, too, had family, loved ones, hopes and desires for their future. She would take it away in an instant, without hesitation, because she was selfish. They were all selfish. And she hated herself for it.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura wished she didn’t have to speak when Kunan opened the door. Her lips were shut tight and she only wanted to run away, to ignore it all. All of them. Everything. She stepped into his apartment when he moved to let her in. Her eyes scanned the room quickly, identifying every little detail she had gotten used to in the past few weeks. The cracked cupboard, the peeling paint above his bed, the blood stain on the floor…

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura snapped back to attention and turned towards Kunan. He had known something was up the second he opened the door, but he was patient. His back was stiff, his eyes a little harsher than they usually were. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, but he braced himself for it regardless.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura said, lacking the energy to be more tactful. “I slept with Kakashi. I’m sorry.”

 

Kunan stepped closer to her, cocking his head to have a better view of her face. “It was bound to happen.”

 

“Aren’t you mad?” Sakura whispered, looking up at him through half-closed eyes. “Even if you knew.”

 

“Yes, I am.” Kunan brushed a strand of hair from her face and swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “I never claimed you as mine, though. You were free to do what you wanted.”

 

Sakura frowned, her fingers toying with the hem of her shirt. “I know we were never officially together, but still…”

 

“I didn’t ask you for a steady relationship because I knew you couldn’t do it,” Kunan said, cupping her cheeks in his hands. “I thought I could love you -- and I do, now -- so I took a chance. I knew Kakashi wouldn’t disappear. What matters is what you decide now.”

 

Sakura didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to speak or choose. Kunan’s eyes were on her, expecting and apprehensive. He had thrown himself without a thought into this and Sakura admired him for it -- loved him for it. She had tried, too. Only, she couldn’t help but try and grasp any hint of a chance to stop falling. She was too scared, too hesitant. She couldn’t stop looking over her shoulder for Kakashi.

 

“I realize you love Kakashi,” Kunan finally said, his hands slowly sliding down to her shoulders. “I don’t hold it against you; I understand. I did from the beginning. I offered you an opportunity to move forward. Do you want it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Sakura whispered, her eyes sliding shut. 

 

“I warned you what he would do to you,” Kunan breathed out, gently pressing his forehead against hers. “I see even now how he hurts you deeper everyday. I don’t know what he said you to you last night -- or what you said to him -- and I don’t care. You can choose to walk away from it. You don’t have to endure it.”

 

Sakura blinked away the tears that formed in her eyes. They spilled and rolled down her cheeks, leaving wet trails that Sakura didn’t have the energy to wipe away. “I can’t. I can’t leave him behind.”

 

Kunan exhaled sharply and pulled her into his arms. Sakura threw her arms around him, too, hanging on for dear life. She didn’t want to lose him, either. 

 

“We can discuss this again,” Kunan began, arms still tight around her. “When the war is over and we have a clearer mind, all of us.”

 

“You’re not telling me to leave you alone?” Sakura croaked, her throat clogged between the tears and sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. “You should hate me already.”

 

The corner of Kunan’s lips lifted in a sad smile. He looked down at her, and just now, Sakura saw he, too, had new lines around them, deeper than she remembered. “I don’t want to. You’re not the only who can’t let go of something, Sakura.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Sakura hugged him tighter. Guilt nipped at her, weighing down on her heart along with the rest of the pile that already lied on it. It would tip over and come crashing down, but for now, Sakura could somehow balance it. “I’m so sorry.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

It hadn’t taken long until it was official. Suna and Konoha were at war and the battle would happen within the coming days. Already, they were marching towards Suna, in neat rows that certainly looked tidy from a bird’s view. On the other side, Suna was doing the same. The troops were rallied, the chiefs riling up the soldiers for the battle.  Fight for your nation , they yelled.  Make Konoha proud.  All kinds of pretty things that made all of them feel satisfied and like they were doing the right thing.

 

Sakura didn’t care for any of it. A few of her comrades, younger than her, bought into the hype. They were the age she had been during the last war and were as eager to prove themselves as she had been then. Now Sakura remembered the solemn face Kakashi had worn -- the one she wore now -- and no longer thought of it as strange that he wasn’t thrilled about defending their world. No matter who won, they would suffer.

 

When her feet sunk in Suna’s sands, the weight on Sakura’s shoulders nearly crushed her. It was time. The strategy had been discussed and she would play her part in it now. Kakashi was at her side, leading their division. He led them to the battlefield, where they would wait for Suna to arrive. They had traveled the distance quickly, too quickly for Suna to already be in Konoha territory. Their plan was off to a good start.

 

Sakura activated her seal and stepped behind Kakashi. Others took their place besides them, ready to shield them from any oncoming attacks. Already in the distance, they could see the other army approaching, with no choice but to press on and ignore their disadvantage.

 

Kakashi kneeled before her, his back to her, so her hands would be steady and solid on his shoulders. He, too, needed her to be strong and unwavering. His hands started forming the seals and Sakura let her chakra flow into his body, fueling him with all the destructive force he needed to accomplish his task. 

 

Sakura hated it. Hated how her heart raced when the water dragons appeared and roared. Everyone around them watched with wide, round eyes and gasped. There weren’t only one or two dragons, but dozens of them, all at least triple the size of what Kakashi would be able to summon by himself. They roared again and flew into the sky, only to come crashing down on the ground, at the feet of Suna’s army.

 

They turned the sand to mud. They weren’t so far away now, Sakura could see them getting their feet caught into it, slowing their pace to a crawl. More dragons followed, though they were fewer. This time, they crashed into each other, creating a drizzling rain over the first few rows of shinobi. 

 

Sakura closed her eyes when the lightning dogs followed. Kakashi had always had an affinity with dogs; it was only fitting he’d mold his jutsu into them. Sakura couldn’t quite recall what dog would stand as tall as she did, though. There were too many of them too count. They charged for the enemy, melting onto them like the hungry animals they were. 

 

They screamed, but Sakura was deaf to it. In the back of her mind, Sakura remembered the few patients who’d been subjected to lightning jutsu who she'd had to treat. There was always some place where they charred as if they’d been burnt. It was where the electricity flowed into their body. The second charred part of flesh was where it exited. It looked only like a mild injury, but Sakura knew their insides were fried. Cooked through by the jolt, if it was strong enough. There was no coming back from it.

 

Kakashi began the last set of seals. She would leave, after this. He breathed fire onto the battlefield, spreading it everywhere the sand had been wet and solidified it. There were more screams. Sakura blocked them out. 

 

“Go,” Kakashi said as he stood. “I’ll handle things here.”

 

Sakura nodded and slid her hand down his shoulder to his hand. In the distance, Sakura couldn’t miss the hundreds of corpses piled onto the other end of the battlefield. His fingers closed around her palm, squeezing it before he let go and Sakura fled the battlefield

 

They had agreed she would be of more use at Tsunade’s side. Tsunade had already summoned Katsuyu. Sakura lost no time and reached for the scroll in her jacket. She called Katsuyu’s sister, certain they couldn’t have too much help today. The slugs’ bodies melted and formed hundreds of smaller slugs, carrying Tsunade and Sakura’s chakra to the battlefield and the wounded.

 

When Sakura glanced at Tsunade from the corner of her eye, she saw she, too, had activated her seal. Tsunade’s henge had fallen, revealing her for how old she truly was. 

 

“Shishou!” Sakura called, worried. The more chakra Tsunade expended, the deeper the lines in her face grew. “Shishou! I’ll handle this. Don’t expend too much chakra, or this time you’ll -- “

 

“Sakura.” Tsunade’s voice was affectionate, only increasing the strength with which Sakura’s heart beat against her ribs. “Save your strength. I’ve done my time. Konoha needs a breath of fresh air. The best an old hag like me can do is make sure the younger generation doesn’t shorten their life at my expense.”

 

“Shishou!” Sakura cried out, though she remained focus on the transfer of her chakra. 

 

“I’ve already recommended you as my successor to the elders, Sakura,” Tsunade said, offering Sakura a wrinkled smile. “Now don’t cry. Show me what we’re capable of together. I want to see it again.”

 

Sakura nodded. Tears flowed down her cheeks and she didn’t try to fight them, disobeying Tsunade once more. She wanted to fight, scream and kick, but she didn’t. This one order, she wouldn’t disobey, because she understood. Tsunade was old. The very jutsu they were using had ravaged her body and would do the same to Sakura if she used it extensively. Sakura didn’t mind, though. Tsunade had sacrificed her body for others, and she would do the same without a second thought.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Night had fallen before the first assault was over. Suna had retreated, beaten down into submission by Konoha’s army. They would be back the next morning, no later than sunrise. They still had some fight in them, after all. Iwa had already retaken Ame in Konoha’s place; they’d received the messenger when the sun had set. Suna hadn’t expended a large part of its force to guard Ame, knowing they’d need it elsewhere.

 

Sakura panted as she ran through the field. The stench of dead bodies hung in the air and Sakura did her best not to breathe it in, covering her mouth and nose with a rag. Kakashi and her team hadn’t reported back yet. They hadn’t been in the same division and only gave Sakura more ground to cover in order to find them. Sakura’s pace crawled to a stop when she followed a trail of bodies into the forests of Konoha, the one that lined the border. Her team had been defending the border.

 

Still, Sakura found no trace of them.

 

“Kakashi!” Sakura shouted at the top of her lungs, scanning the forest for him. “Kakashi!”

 

Sakura whirled around when she heard a noise behind her. A hand poked through from under crumbled earth and Sakura sagged with relief. Kakashi had hidden underground. Sakura hurried to him, knowing he wouldn’t be in a good state if he’d had to hide. Kakashi undid his jutsu, pushing the ground away from him.

 

Sakura dropped to her knees when she recognized Akemi, laying on top of him. “Kakashi!”

 

Kakashi looked up at her. His face was covered with blood and he held Akemi and Hajime against him. The children looked up at her, their wide and terrified eyes a sore sight to be seen. They stood, throwing themselves to her and leaving Kakashi to lie by himself on the ground. Sakura wrapped her arms around them quickly, but then let go just as fast, crawling to Kakashi.

 

“You’re hurt,” Sakura breathed. He looked like he’d received a nasty blow to the head, and blood was still pouring from a wound on his chest. “Don’t move.”

 

Hajime and Akemi remained silent behind their, their calm only aggravating Sakura’s raw nerves further. She focused on Kakashi nonetheless. His injuries were too severe to postpone healing. Later, she would thank Kakashi. There was no reason for him to be here, after all. He’d abandoned his post -- after securing the victory of his division, surely -- to search for her team. He had hidden, instead of pursuing battle. It was all for her sake, whatever excuse he might come up with. 

 

“Where’s Hideki?” Sakura asked, dreading the answer. 

 

Kakashi didn’t answer. He looked away. Behind her, Sakura heard Hajime burst into tears. Akemi tried to comfort him, to no avail. Sakura grit her teeth and swallowed any emotion that threatened to come up. Kakashi needed her help, now. 

 

“Can you stand?” Sakura asked when she’d provided the necessary first aid. 

 

Kakashi’s wounds weren’t thoroughly healed, but getting them back to headquarters was more important. There could still be enemies searching for them, hoping to find them weak and exhausted.

 

Kakashi nodded and leaned heavily on her when she helped him up. 

 

“Let’s go, then,” Sakura said. It would still be a while before they reached the camp and they all needed to rest. “We’ve got to go back.”

 

Akemi and Hajime didn’t move, though when Sakura barked the order at them again, they scrambled to obey. They stuck to her sides, forcing themselves to ignore the pain and misery the same way she did. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	13. Now I Strip Myself Bare

xxx

 

"Kakashi-senpai!" Sakura screeched as she ran to his side, eyes taking in his battered body for injuries.

 

Injuries which were not hard to find. The deep gash across his chest still gushed blood, making her wonder if he was even still alive. The medic in her took over immediately, her hands flying to the wound, glowing green as she did her best to stop the bleeding.

 

"Kakashi-senpai!" Sakura cried out as tears welled up in her green eyes. "Talk to me! Please!"

 

No response.

 

Letting loose a guttural scream she didn't recognize as her own, she focused on the gaping hole that threatened her senpai’s life, refusing to let him slip to the other side just yet. Tsunade's hands joined her own quickly enough, planting hope to bloom in Sakura’s heart. With the two of them, maybe they could still save him.

 

Inch by inch, the skin was meshed back together, the bleeding long stopped. Lesser medics had treated his minor injuries while Konoha's best worked on the largest; a strategy that augmented his chances of survival by reducing the overall stress inflicted on his body.

 

"Kakashi-senpai..." Sakura begged, looking up at his closed eyes. "Please, wake up!"

 

Was it too late already?

 

As Tsunade finally closed the wound, Sakura stepped behind Kakashi, cupping his head in her bloodied hands to force him to face her. "Sensei..." Her fingertips brushed against his throat and felt the irregular beat of his heart, so weak she truly believed he was dying before her. "You can't."

 

Biting her lip, she tapped his cheek lightly, watching closely for the moment his eyes would open. He always came back alive. Always.

 

"You can't, you can't, you can't, you just can't!" Sakura whispered hysterically as her head hovered above his, tears spilling onto his cheeks.

 

"Kakashi-sensei..." She murmured when he still didn't respond, the world around her spinning, her breathing so erratic she might faint any second.

 

Sakura pressed her cheek against his as her knees buckled, loud sobs wracking her body. He wasn't coming back this time. This was it, he was dead. Even he was gone.

 

"Sa... kura?"

 

Her eyes shot open as she heard his voice, wondering for a second if her mind was playing tricks on her.

 

"Can't breathe..." Kakashi wheezed.

 

"You're alive?" Sakura mumbled as she got to her feet, lifting her head to examine him.

 

The dark eye she knew so well was open and staring back into her own. Her heart skipped a beat as her mouth fell open, words vanishing somewhere between her throat and her lips.

 

xxx

 

Chapter Thirteen: Now I Strip Myself Bare

 

…

 

Sakura lowered Kakashi onto his cot, nearly crumbling besides him. Hajime and Akemi were behind her, though, so she couldn’t. Not yet. Kakashi winced, the wound in his chest still painful. All the blood on his face had come from where his skin had split open on the side of his forehead, but it took no more than her chakra to mesh the flesh back together for it to be fixed. From what she could tell, Kakashi had been impaled by an enemy’s sword before he’d taken him down. The wound wasn’t a clean cut. The enemy had tried to pull the sword out, only to slice further in another direction.

 

“Hajime,” Sakura called, fighting the urge to pass out. “Come here.”

 

Hajime obeyed diligently, wiping at his eyes. “Yes, Sakura-sensei?”

 

“Help me with his wound,” Sakura said, her palms glowing green above Kakashi’s chest already. “You remember how to do this, right?”

 

Hajime nodded quickly and his palms joined hers above Kakashi’s chest. 

 

“Akemi.” Sakura frowned, focused on visualising the way her chakra repaired Kakashi’s lung. “Fetch us water and food.”

 

Akemi obeyed as promptly Hajime had. With her, Hajime worked in silence. She allowed him to do the brunt of the work. His medical ninjutsu had greatly improved over the past year and he was already a fine medic. He didn’t need her help to finish tending to Kakashi’s wound. 

 

Before long, Akemi was back. Sakura sat besides Kakashi on his bed and motioned for her students to sit on the floor. Sakura took one of the water bottles and helped Kakashi to drink from it.

 

“Eat,” Sakura ordered when Hajime and Akemi only picked at their rations. “You need your strength.”

 

Sakura, too, had no appetite, but she still shoved the food down her throat. Her chakra wouldn’t restore itself without food and she would need it again tomorrow. Kakashi didn’t fight when she force fed him.

 

“Sakura-sensei,” Akemi called, her voice so small Sakura couldn’t bear to look at her. 

 

“Not now,” Sakura scolded, wiping away at the blood on Kakashi’s face with a wet rag. “Go sleep. It’s not over yet. We need to be back on the field in a few hours.”

 

Sakura was glad they rarely defied her orders. Kakashi certainly hadn’t it so easy back in his teaching days. Akemi and Hajime lied down in the cots across from Kakashi’s and didn’t say another word, shutting their eyes too tightly. Sakura could only hope exhaustion would claim them soon. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi whispered, reaching up to touch the tips of his fingers to her cheek. “I tried.”

 

“I know.” 

 

Sakura lied down beside him and closed her eyes. Kakashi didn’t speak again and Sakura was thankful for it. Without silence, Sakura couldn’t wipe her mind blank, and he couldn’t, either, she knew. So they remained silent, patiently waiting for slumber to take over. 

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

The sun had risen far too early. Its light had woken them all and they now had no choice but to trudge on ahead and complete their work. This time, Kakashi and her team didn’t leave her side. There was no use to it. Not when they were chasing Suna’s army all the way back to their village after the second assault was over. Suna, too, had been exhausted. Worst of all, they were broken. Their shinobi didn’t fight with the same desperation. They gave up.

 

Konoha marched on ahead, exterminating any Suna ninja they found that refused to be taken prisoner. There were many left behind, too wounded to make it back home. Perhaps, once the war was over, they could nurse them back to health, if they were still alive.

 

Once Sakura led Konoha’s army into the village, Suna dropped their weapons. None of them could stand to see their beloved village destroyed. Sakura understood all too well. She remembered when they had fought Pein. How devastating it was to see Konoha fall before her very eyes, one building at a time, one jutsu at a time. Then, all at once. 

 

In the center of the village, before the Kazekage’s tower, Jishin was brought to her, pushed onto his knees.

 

“It’s over,” Sakura told him, her voice bland. “Konoha has defeated your army.”

 

Jishin’s eyes were staring at the ground, at the sand that covered it. He, too, was broken.

 

“Do you surrender?”

 

Jishin only nodded. Sakura looked around them. They were surrounded by the remnants of Suna’s army. A fraction of it. All wearing the same tired, bland faces. 

 

“Where is your Hokage?” Jishin asked, lifting his chin to look at Sakura. “I expected her here, not you.”

 

“I act in her stead.” Sakura’s voice didn’t waver or hint to the tears she fought back. Tsunade had passed away during the night, as had been expected. “That is all you need to know.”

 

“What’s my fate, then?” he asked.

 

It was pitiful to see him in a heap on the floor as he was. Sakura’s hands fisted at her sides. It was his actions that had led them down the path to this war. His fault that she had lost yet more of what little she had left. His fault that his people now had  nothing left.

 

“Do you think you deserve to die?” Sakura said evenly. “Kazekage-sama?”

 

If she was so inclined, Sakura could end his life with one flick of her wrist. A kunai to his throat. Nobody would stop her.

 

She wanted to.

 

“I don’t know,” Jishin finally said, his shoulders sagging further. “I only wanted to provide for my village, but I don’t know what the right path was.”

 

Sakura stepped forward and retrieved a kunai from the holster on her thigh. The guard behind Jishin grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his head back, exposing his throat for her. Sakura looked around them again, clutching the kunai tighter in her hand. Suna’s shinobi were watching her, waiting for her to strike.

 

Distantly, Sakura remembered being a child, on a mission to Mist. She had turned away when Zabuza was dying, but Kakashi had instructed them to watch. To watch the death of a great ninja. To not turn from the end of a harsh life. Zabuza had earned his rest. Kakashi couldn’t disrespect him by not acknowledging his death.

 

Around her, the Suna ninja didn’t turn away. They watched the same way Kakashi had watched Zabuza die. Jishin’s end was not shameful to their eyes.

 

“I accept your surrender.” Sakura dropped her kunai and turned away from Jishin, walking back towards Kakashi. Once at his side, she faced Jishin again. “Konoha will move out and return home before the sun sets.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

The trip back to their camp had been grueling for all of them. They were exhausted. Some had regained a rush of vitality after the official declaration of Konoha’s victory, too young to know better. Or too greedy to do better. Kakashi and Sakura were not among those, not anymore. Instead, they hid in his tent. Their comrades knew not to bother them.

 

Kakashi sat on his cot, burying his face in his hands. Sakura stood at his feet, arms hanging limp at her side. 

 

“Kakashi,” she called softly, kneeling before him.

 

Carefully, she pulled his hands away from his face. His eye stared back at hers and she recognized the exhaustion in them. She, too, was too tired. For a long time already, she had been fighting the exhaustion. 

 

Kakashi pulled at the collar of her shirt, exposing her collarbone, where his chidori had left a gaping hole, not so long ago. He shut his eye and his fingers trembled against her skin. Sakura laid her cheek on his thigh. He didn’t need to talk for her to know what he saw. He’d told her many times, already.

 

Sakura didn’t need Kakashi to tell her he wished he had finished his job on the battlefield, too. 

 

“Thank you,” Sakura whispered, squeezing his knee with what little strength she had left. “Thank you.”

 

Kakashi’s thighs shook under her. Sakura reached up to pull Kakashi’s forehead protector away from his sharingan. Kakashi opened his eyes to look down at her, somewhat confused, but he formulated no questions. The corners of Sakura’s tightened in a small, sad smile as she stared into his red eye, watching it spin lazily. 

 

“I love you, Kakashi.”

 

Kakashi replaced his headband as it was, hiding his sharingan from her sight. 

 

“I’ve loved you for so long.”

 

Sakura was too exhausted to lie anymore. There was no covering this up as lust, no acting normal out of fear of ruining what they had. Sakura shed all her doubts with ease, but she could see Kakashi clinging to them the same he way he did the past. He didn’t want to be here. 

 

“I wish I didn’t have to watch you suffer like this,” Sakura whispered into his pant leg, tears soaking into it. “I wish I could take it all away, all that keeps you up at night.”

 

Above her, Kakashi pulled the other side of his forehead protector down to cover his other eye. His chest raised and fell in quick jerks, but he was silent.

 

“You did what you could, Kakashi.” Sakura meant it; Kakashi always worked harder than any of them. Somehow, it was never enough. What could go wrong went wrong and he was left to hold onto the pieces and his regrets. “You always have.”

 

Sakura chuckled. Kakashi was deaf to her words. Even when she tried to help him, she was on her knees, at his feet, needing him just as much. She could never be the rock he had always been to her. 

 

“I need to rest,” Kakashi said, his voice cracking against his will. “You should go take care of you students.”

 

Sakura nodded. “Yes, Kakashi-sensei.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx...

 

Back home, in Konoha, all that Sakura wanted to do was head home and crash into her bed. To disappear from existence for the next few days, at the very least. Perhaps a few weeks. Greater duties awaited her, though, and she submitted herself to them without vocalising a complaint. As soon as she had stepped foot in the village, the elders had taken her away to Tsunade’s office for a private meeting.

 

“Tsunade-sama recommended you as a successor,” Homura said, not giving Sakura a second to gather her bearings. “I presume she informed you of this.”

 

Sakura nodded, standing still before them. 

 

“Of course, we recommended she pick Hatake instead,” Koharu cut in. “Yet, she advised against it.”

 

“I must agree with Shishou,” Sakura said, nodding stiffly. “He is not willing to take the position.”

 

“Are you?” Homura countered, frowning.

 

“I will fulfill Shishou’s last wish,” Sakura whispered, bowing respectfully. “It would be disrespectful to refuse.”

 

Homura and Koharu glanced at each before they nodded. 

 

“You have shown great growth in the last decade,” Koharu said, stepping forward to lay a hand on Sakura’s shoulder when she stood upright. “You will follow in Tsunade-sama’s footsteps admirably.”

 

Homura nodded. “Though, I’m surprised she waited so long to recommend you. You must have shown a new side of yourself throughout your last missions to change her mind.”

 

Sakura’s lips stretched in a small smile. She had thought Tsunade would reprimand her for disobeying orders and willingly failing a mission. If not for that one offense, then for questioning her reasoning and trying to convince her to hand over Ame. Her little speech had had quite the opposite effect, she realized. 

 

“Well,” Homura said, bringing her out of her thoughts. “We will have the funeral first. Tomorrow. The ceremony for your naming as Hokage will be held three days later, after the given mourning time.”

 

“So soon?” Sakura let out, unable to keep a frown from her face. “Shouldn’t you wait and -- “

 

“This is a grave time for Konoha,” Koharu interrupted. “Konoha will need all the guidance and courage of its Hokage to recover.”

 

Sakura schooled her features back into neutrality and nodded. Although brief and successful, a new war had destabilised Konoha’s citizens. The peace of the last decade and mellowed them, let them believe it would last.

 

“Go, now,” Homura said, gesturing towards the door. “Let yourself rest and mourn with the others.”

 

Sakura nodded and followed their directions. She didn’t know where she would go, but it mattered little. They were many lost souls like her on the streets today.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

Sakura’s ears were deaf to the names Homura listed. The casualties of war. Sakura was grateful that they had been few on their side, but it changed nothing to the pain that ate at her heart and insides. Hideki and Ino were among those names. Like most Leaf shinobi stationed in Suna, she had been executed to pressure Konoha into backing down. Though the funeral was for every fallen Leaf shinobi, it centered around their deceased Hokage.

 

At her side, Kunan placed a heavy palm on her shoulder. Sakura offered him a forced smile. 

 

Shokubai, too, was being honoured today. This time, his heart had refused to start beating again. For him, Sakura felt little sadness. Their conversation in the hospital had been enough to show her that death would be merciful to him. Wishing he’d clung to life longer was only selfish, in the end. They weren’t close. Sakura simply didn’t want to let go of a life; no medic wanted to. Ahead of her, Sakura could guess the name of the man that stood with a deep scowl on his face. It was hard not to recognize the familiarity -- the brown hair, the bulky build and the grumpy eyes. Takeru, Shokubai’s son. Perhaps his father would find some peace in this.

 

In front of Sakura, Hajime’s back shook as he cried. Akemi’s shoulders didn’t take long to tremble, too. Sakura reached for them, squeezing their shoulders as she brought them closer to her. 

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Sakura whispered in Hajime’s hair. “I should have been there to protect him.”

 

“Kakashi-sensei couldn’t save him either,” Hajime choked out as he wiped at his eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

 

“I’ll find him,” Akemi said through gritted teeth, the rage in her blue eyes a strange sight to Sakura. “I’ll find him and I’ll kill him.”

 

Sakura laid her hand on top of Akemi’s hair, caressing it gingerly. “No, you won’t.”

 

“Why?” she spat, glancing up at Sakura. 

 

“How many lives did you take?” Sakura asked, staring straight into Akemi’s eyes. Under Sakura’s scrutiny, they softened, giving place to new tears. “There’s no one to blame or seek revenge from. We are shinobi. This is the life we chose.”

 

As the sun set in the horizon, above the Hokage’s stone faces, the funeral ended. One by one, the shinobi left, until they were only a few small groups left. The families and loved ones of the dead. They, too, left, one by one as the moon started rising. When they were the last ones left, Sakura had ordered Akemi and Hajime to go home and sleep. They could come visit Hideki another day. Kunan had left with them at Sakura’s request, but Kakashi had stayed.

 

“I’ll stay, just a little longer,” Sakura told him as she kneeled by the cenotaph. There were so many new names engraved in it, but she had no difficulty finding theirs. “You can go home.”

 

Kakashi hesitated, but he left, too. 

 

Sakura didn’t move for a long time, only staring at the stone and replaying old memories in her mind. Memories of meeting Team 7, their big missions together, their separation… There were still a few good ones left after that, though they seemed to grow fewer and fewer as the years passed. 

 

“You must be so ashamed of me,” Sakura whispered as tears streaked down her cheeks. “All of you.”

 

Sakura couldn’t help the sobs that rocked her body. Foolishly, she’d hoped it would be easier. That it would be quiet and peaceful.

 

“I miss you, Naruto, Sasuke,” Sakura said brokenly, stroking the kanji of their names in the list. “I miss you so much.”

 

Her fingers slipped down the stone to Hayate’s name. “You too, Hayate. I loved you, I really did. I wished we’d had more time together. Maybe things would have been better.”

 

“I’m sorry I let you down,” Sakura whispered as she brushed her knuckles against Hideki’s freshly engraved name. “I failed you, I really did.”

 

“You too, Ino,” Sakura said, sliding her fingers down to her friend’s name. “I should have brought you back with us when I had the chance.”

 

“And Shishou.” Sakura exhaled shakily, unable to blink fast enough to keep up with the tears that flowed from her eyes. “I’m sorry to disobey you. I’m a terrible apprentice, aren’t I?”

 

Sakura pulled her hand away from the cenotaph and reached into her pocket. The sobs came harder and Sakura couldn’t help but bend forward in shame. She hated herself for it all. She hated herself for doing this. Either way, she would hate herself. Every part of her had cracked and crumbled and she couldn’t put the pieces back together again. 

 

Inhaling sharply, Sakura pulled her hand out of her pocket and glanced down at the syringe. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Sakura cried. “I’m sorry.”

 

She didn’t want to do this, but there was no other choice. She couldn’t put one foot ahead of the other anymore. She didn’t want to see the hurt on Akemi and Hajime’s faces again. Or Kunan’s disappointment. Kakashi’s pain. She couldn’t fight any of it any longer, not when she was unable to take away any of theirs. 

 

Sakura popped the cap off the syringe and pulled her sleeve over her elbow. More tears and sobs came and Sakura had to dry her eyes to be able to find a vein to insert the needle into. Once it was done, the tears blurred her view again. She pushed on the syringe, wincing at the feeling of the liquid dripping into her bloodstream. 

 

When it was empty, Sakura replaced the cap on the syringe and shoved it into pocket again. It wouldn’t be so long, now. In a minute or two, she would fall asleep, and she wouldn’t feel herself dying. 

 

Sakura looked up at the sky. The stars were many and bright tonight. It would be a nice sight to fall asleep to. Sakura wished the tears and sobs to stop, but they didn’t. She couldn’t keep quiet. Gradually, Sakura’s limbs became heavier, until they were numb and she fell on her side. 

 

Sakura closed her eyes. Only a little while longer.

 

Sakura opened her eyes again when she felt her body move. She was sluggish already, unable to move. Kakashi was above her, tearing his mask down as he spoke words she couldn’t hear. She’d hoped he would leave her alone as he had asked. He might have if she hadn’t chosen the cenotaph. 

 

Sakura couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, so she closed them, giving in to the exhaustion.

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura recoiled when something bumped against her forehead. Eyebrows bunched together in annoyance, she opened her eyes. Sasuke’s hand blocked her sight. 

 

“You’re falling asleep,” Sasuke said, pulling his hand away. “I thought you were hungry.”

 

Sakura frowned and looked before her, surprised to find a bowl of ramen. A quick look around told her she was sitting at Ichiraku’s. 

 

“Are you feeling alright, Sakura-chan?” Naruto asked from her side, concerned. “You look a bit pale.”

 

Sakura reached for him and Naruto raised his arms in defense. Laughing, Sakura pulled him into her arms. “I’m fine, Naruto.”

 

“Are you sure?” Sasuke said. Sakura turned around to embrace him, too. “What’s up with you, now?”

 

“I missed you two, that’s all,” Sakura chuckled as she let him go. She picked up the chopsticks by the side of her bowl. “Let’s dig in.”

 

“Was I supposed to wait for you to say that?” Naruto said, turning to face her with noodles hanging from his mouth already.

 

“You’re gross, Naruto,” Sakura scolded. Just as she leaned in to take her first bite, Sakura caught Sasuke doing the same on her other side. “Sasuke-kun! You should have some manners, at least!”

 

“Relax, Sakura,” Sasuke chuckled, kicking his heel into her shin playfully. “It’s our day off.”

 

“I guess,” Sakura grumbled, nonetheless eating her ramen in a civilized manner. 

 

“Sakura looks really pretty today, doesn’t she, eh, Sasuke?” Naruto said, reaching behind her to tug on Sasuke’s shoulder. “Don’t you think?”

 

“You’re really pretty today, Sakura,” Sasuke said, more annoyed than charming with the way he rolled with his eyes. 

 

Sakura smiled from ear to ear regardless. “That’s nice of you.”

 

“It is your wedding day,” Sasuke said, shrugging. “You should be pretty today.”

 

“There you are, Forehead!” 

 

Sakura swirled on her stool to find Ino behind her, glaring at her so fiercely Sakura almost jumped out her skin. 

 

“You’ve avoided it long enough,” Ino growled, grabbing her arm between her claws. “Now come on, or you’ll be late!”

 

Sakura waved to Sasuke and Naruto as Ino dragged down the road. “I’ll see you later!”

 

“See you tonight, Sakura-chan!” Naruto cheered, waving both his arms in the air. “You’ll be even prettier!”

 

Sasuke only smiled, smug as he had always been. 

 

Turning to Ino, Sakura scrambled to get to her feet and follow her pace. “Where are we going?”

 

“Did you hit your head or something?” Ino growled, already exasperated. “I’ve got to get you in your kimono already. You know it takes hours to fit that thing right!”

 

“Oh.” Sakura had never even given the choice of kimono a thought. “Okay.”

 

Before long, Ino had shoved Sakura the room where her kimono was, inside a small inn on the outskirts of the village. 

 

“How’s your baby?” Sakura asked as Ino helped her into the first layer of her kimono.

 

“Eiji’s as fussy as ever,” Ino sighed. “He won’t let me sleep at night.”

 

Sakura chuckled, watching Ino work quietly. “Doesn’t your husband help with him?”

 

“Oh, he does,” Ino said. “He’s just a lot of work. There! All done!”

 

Sakura glanced at herself in the mirror before her, surprised to find herself suddenly dressed. The kimono fit her perfectly; Ino had done a good job. Outside the window, Sakura could see the sun beginning to set. 

 

“Come on,” Ino said, taking her hand and leading her outside. “Time to get married!”

 

Sakura was shocked into silence when Ino pushed Sakura at the beginning of a white carpet, laid out on the grass to mark her path. Sakura followed it in silence, the long material of her kimono dragging noisily behind her. There many faces sitting in the rows of chairs at her sides, but Sakura recognized few of them

 

The face she did recognize, though, was Hayate’s. He was at the end of the carpet, on a small altar, waiting for her. Sakura hurried her step, her heart hammering in her ears.

 

“You’re in a hurry,” Tsunade chuckled as she grabbed Sakura’s hand. “Be careful, or you’ll trip. You wouldn’t want to look like an idiot at your own wedding, would you?”

 

“Shishou,” Sakura breathed out, slowing to follow Tsunade’s pace. “I’m so glad you came.”

 

“I might hate the boys’ guts,” Tsunade chuckled, helping her up the stairs, “but I wouldn’t miss my apprentice’s wedding for anything in the world.”

 

Sakura contained her laughter, not wishing to be inappropriate. Tsunade let go of her hand and Sakura finally faced Hayate.

 

“You’re stunning,” Hayate whispered, “Kankan-chan.”

 

Sakura reached for her his hands, taking them in hers as she smiled. “You look so handsome, too.”

 

“Why did you pick me to do this?” Sakura turned to find Hideki bringing their rings and, this time, she couldn’t help but laugh. “This is a girl’s job. You should have asked Akemi-chan.”

 

“Someone’s missing,” Sakura said, lifting her head to look for him. “Where is he?”

 

“Who?” Hayate asked. “We’re all here.”

 

“No, you’re not.” Sakura frowned. “Where’s Kakashi-sensei?”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

  
  



	14. And Submit to You

xxx

 

"Tsunade-shishou." Sakura called as she knocked on the door of Tsunade's office.

 

"Come in." Tsunade replied, voice even and free of any indication that she was drunk again, much to Sakura’s relief. This conversation required seriousness.

 

"Tsunade-shishou." Sakura greeted with a nod of her head as she made her way to the Hokage's desk.

 

"What is it?" Tsunade replied, apparently in a foul mood already so early in the morning.

 

"I wanted to speak to you about Kakashi-senpai," Sakura demanded, standing as straight as she could while images of Kakashi's bloody return danced in her mind, still fresh.

 

"Of course you would," Tsunade mumbled as she placed the reports back on the desk, looking up at Sakura for the first time. Even if Tsunade’s tone was rough, Sakura could still see worry flashing in her honey eyes. "What did you want to ask me?"

 

"Why did he go back to ANBU?" Sakura asked, hiding none of her worry and fear.

 

"I don't know," came Tsunade's simple answer as she looked out the window, leaning her cheek in her palm.

 

"Didn't you ask him before accepting his request?" Sakura inquired as she stepped closer to the desk, gripping the end of it with her small hands.

 

"No, it was none of my business," Tsunade replied with a sigh, raking her hand through her bangs. "He's a great asset to ANBU and that is all I considered before accepting."

 

Sakura knew that duty came before anything else for them, for shinobi, but she couldn’t accept it when it came to Kakashi. He was all she had left.

 

"I know it's not easy for you, Sakura." Tsunade let out, snapping Sakura out of her thoughts. "But I won't interfere with his choice."

 

"Then I’ll join ANBU," Sakura demanded as she looked up at Tsunade, eyes glimmering with a newfound determination. If Kakashi was throwing his life away to ANBU, then she was left with a single option. “Let me be his medic on any ANBU mission he is assigned to.”

 

"What?" Tsunade burst out, blinking rapidly. "Are you crazy, girl?!"

 

"I don't care,” Sakura said, her eyes challenging Tsunade. "You said you wouldn't interfere with Kakashi-senpai's choice, so let me make my own."

 

Tsunade scowled as she plopped down in her chair, closing her eyes when she returned her cheek to her palm. "Fine."

 

When Sakura stayed rooted to the spot, Tsunade spoke again, "You can go now, I'll do the necessary paperwork and call you when we have to tattoo you."

 

"Thank you, Tsunade-shishou." Sakura whispered.

 

“Don’t thank me for that.”

 

xxx

 

Chapter Fourteen: And Submit to You

 

…

 

Sakura woke to the sound of a door clicking shut. Out of all the doors to click shut, she recognized this one in a heartbeat. The hospital’s doors had always had a particular way of clicking shut. It was a slow, drawn out click. Not one of those quick clicks from any other building where they actually bothered to oil the hinges to keep the doors closing smoothly. That wasn’t in the hospital’s budget, they’d said.

 

Someone sat in the chair besides her. 

 

Sakura only wanted to go back to sleep; if she fell asleep right now, maybe she had a chance at finishing her dream and find out how her wedding ended. 

 

“Sakura,” he called. “Are you awake?”

 

Well, that was one question answered. Kakashi was at the one place where she would never think to find him. In the  hospital . She didn’t bother answering. He knew she was awake. The mattress depressed towards him when he leaned some of his weight on it. 

 

“Say something.”

 

“Say what,” Sakura grumbled.

 

She didn’t open her eyes. She was still too exhausted to do that, and it would put a definite end to any of her chances at falling back asleep soon enough. Kakashi sighed his relief at her side, the mattress dipping further under more of his weight. Sakura frowned, finding she was starting to slip.

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura sighed. The hospital’s fluorescent lighting was bleeding through her eyelids, anyway. She’d asked a thousand times to have those replaced by incandescent light bulbs that didn’t burn retinas, but that, too, hadn’t been in the hospital’s budget. How did they expect patients to rest and recover quickly with such lighting? And just  what was in the hospital’s budget? 

 

Sakura cracked one eye open, wincing against the bright light. She was right about it burning retinas. It was a health hazard. Kakashi was at her side, elbows on her bed. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week, even with his mask and forehead protector covering three quarters of his face. Then again, he might not have. None of them had slept well on the way to or from Suna. 

 

“What do you want,” Sakura muttered, raising one hand to shield her eyes from the light.

 

“Do you know where you are?”

 

“I’m drugged,” Sakura scoffed. “Not retarded.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

Sakura rolled her eyes, angry to find that even such a little move was painful. “The hospital.”

 

“Sakura.”

 

Sakura turned her head towards Kakashi, the burning in her eyes beginning to ebb away as they grew used to the light. “Are we really going to do this?” Sakura asked, irritation quickening the pace of her mouth. “I don’t need to explain myself. Not to you.”

 

“I don’t deserve any kind of an explanation?” 

 

Kakashi’s eye lowered to the bed, half-closed in what Sakura recognized as shame, not pain. Sakura scoffed again, her throat raw from not having drunk anything in too long. “You don’t  need one. You know exactly why. Every little secret, dirty detail of why.”

 

After all, he’d joined ANBU because of those exact same details.

 

“You’re angry at me,” Kakashi said. 

 

In all their years together -- the grand fifteen of them -- Sakura had never quite heard Kakashi sound so small. “You were angry at me, too, when I followed you in ANBU.”

 

“I know,” Kakashi breathed out. 

 

Carefully, he slid his palm over her bedding to brush his fingers against her arm, afraid she would pull away. Sakura didn’t. Even if she’d wanted to, she wasn’t sure she could move. “Then why are we here?”

 

Kakashi’s fingers ghosted over her skin down to her hand. He took it in his, weaving their fingers together. “You were crying,” he said, swallowing too hard. “I couldn’t stand to see you go that way.”

 

Sakura closed her fingers around his hand, her grip painful. “Sorry I’m not a hardass like you. I’ll cry on the inside, next time.”

 

Kakashi remained silent at her side. Sakura pushed herself in a sitting position, relieved to find her body moved with ease. Slowed by tiredness, yes, but fully functional. She leaned her back against the wall, lips quirking in annoyance when needles prodded at her behind. Turning patients around every few hours, too, wasn’t in the budget.

 

When Kakashi fished in his pockets, Sakura watched him. He placed a small bottle on the bed beside her hip and heart leapt into her throat. 

 

“Where did you get this?” Sakura hissed, instantly swiping it. “Only a few of us are supposed to have access to it.”

 

It was the drug they injected patients in terminal care with -- patients that had no chance of making it and deserved to die in peace and quiet, before they were in too much pain to think straight anymore. The drug she’d injected herself with. 

 

Kakashi dropped a syringe on the bed next to where he’d placed the bottle. “Your nurses could use a few crash courses on spotting thieves.”

 

Sakura scoffed. Of course her nurses didn’t catch him; they weren’t all jonin. Not even all were ninja. They stood no chance against Kakashi’s stealth.

 

“What does this mean?” Sakura frowned, toying with the small glass bottle. “Why are you giving me this?”

 

Kakashi hesitated. He didn’t want to do this, but he still would. “I took the choice from you,” he said, his voice artificially even. “I was wrong. It was selfish.”

 

Selfish . Because Kakashi knew selfishness. Knew how clinging to another’s life only for his benefit was nothing but egotistical and cruel. Sakura couldn’t hold this against him, though; they were all guilty of this crime. Letting go was an impossible task. Yet, Kakashi was doing the impossible.

 

Sakura took the syringe, laying it in her lap together with the bottle. “What will you do after I’ve done it?”

 

Kakashi didn’t answer. Instead, he tipped his chin down, letting his shaggy silver hair block her view of his face. No matter how angry she was, her stomach still sank. She could never get used to the idea of him dying -- whether or not she was alive.

 

“I took the choice from you, too,” Sakura whispered, reaching for his hand. Kakashi slipped his fingers between hers again. “When I joined ANBU.”

 

“We’re both selfish monsters,” Kakashi chuckled, squeezing her hand. “Aren’t we?”

 

Sakura huffed. “Terrible.”

 

With her free hand, Sakura popped the cap off the syringe. Minutely, she watched its needle, the way the light reflected off its metal surface. Kakashi’s hand tightened around hers again and she could feel the way his heart constricted painfully in his chest, because hers, too, did. They couldn’t wait to die, yet they were still terrified at the sight of the needle that could bring it.

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura called.

 

“What is it, Sakura?”

 

“What do you want to do?” she asked, looking at him from the corner of her eye. “If I don’t take the choice from you now, what would you choose?”

 

Kakashi squeezed her hand again. Under his mask, she could see him lick his lips and then his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “I’m too tired to choose, Sakura.”

 

Sakura pursed her lips. That was a great way to dump all the responsibility on her. Frowning, she stabbed the needle in the cap of the bottle and filled the syringe with the transparent liquid. She removed it and pressed on the handle, satisfied when a small amount of liquid spurted from the needle.

 

“We can leave it up to natural selection, then,” Sakura said. She, too, was too tired to choose anymore. “See if we’re really made to survive.”

 

Kakashi’s hand tightened around hers again, but this time, didn’t relent after a few seconds. Sakura clutched his palm, too, all too aware of the trembling of her fingers.

 

“What do you have in mind?”

 

Sakura tugged on Kakashi’s hand and pulled his arm into her lap, feeling it for a good vein. “This dose is the LD50 for a man your size,” Sakura said mechanically. “You have a fifty percent chance of waking up. There’s no tipping the scales in either direction.”

 

“And you?”

 

Sakura looked up at his face and pinched the syringe between her thumb and palm in order to pull Kakashi’s mask down. He didn’t move, nor did he when she removed his forehead protector. If he truly wanted to accept, he couldn’t do it behind a mask. 

 

“Patients who survive the dose wake up within fifteen minutes,” Sakura explained. “If you don’t wake up, then I’ll take the full dose again.”

 

With Kakashi in the room, nobody would bother them. Not for a long while, long enough for it to be too late, this time.

 

“And if I wake up?”

 

Sakura watched the way his eyes searched her face, looking for the answer she wouldn’t tell him. For once, he looked his age, not a day older or younger. “Then we have to survive, both of us.”

 

“Why?”

 

Sakura huffed, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “We’ve thrown ourselves in every possibly deadly situation and came out alive. They don’t want us on the other side, if you wake up.”

 

Kakashi’s lips quirked the same way hers did and he chuckled. Then, he sobered, his lips a thin line on his face. “Do you promise?”

 

“Do  I promise?” Sakura hissed, eyes narrowed in a hissy fit of anger. “Do I need to remind  you who never keeps his promises -- “

 

“Sakura,” Kakashi interrupted her. “I promise.”

 

Sakura pulled on his hand again, until he was forced to lean his other hand on the bed for support. She stared in his eyes, in the sharingan, daring him to lie to her. “Do you  really promise?”

 

“Yes, Sakura.”

 

Satisfied, Sakura nodded. She scooted to the side and patted the free space on the bed. Kakashi climbed in it without protest, lying by her side. Sakura lied down with him, her head uncomfortably close to his on the small hospital pillow. Kakashi offered his arm and Sakura pressed the needle to skin, not breaking it. Kakashi’s eyes didn’t follow the needle. Instead, they stared into hers, moving left and right quickly. Sakura swallowed and pushed the needle into his skin and his blood vessel, emptying its content slowly.

 

Sakura’s heart hammered in her chest as reality sank in. Frantically, her fingers pressed against Kakashi’s naked cheeks until her palms cupped them. Kakashi’s breath quickened, each breath he exhaled ruffling the small hairs on top of her forehead. Sakura sucked on her bottom lip, desperately watching Kakashi’s face for any effects of the drug. Kakashi took one of her hands in his, squeezing it as hard he could. 

 

“It’s okay,” Sakura whispered breathlessly. “You’ll feel tired, like you haven’t sleep for days,” she explained, trying to comfort who, she didn’t know. “Your fingers and toes might tingle a bit,” she continued, “but it won’t hurt. It’s just like -- “ Kakashi’s eyes were already starting to close, though he tried to fight it. “It’s just like falling asleep. You won’t know the difference.” 

 

Finally, Kakashi’s eyes closed and didn’t reopen. Sakura exhaled sharply, unable to keep a small, scared sound from escaping her. Around her hand, Kakashi’s grip loosened. Sporadically, it tightened and loosened again, then again, and a few more times, until his hand became limp. 

 

Sakura shut her eyes and brought her hands to her head, her fingers trembling and bending too forcefully. Inhaling a slow breath, Sakura forced her eyes open to look at the clock that hung above the door. Three minutes past twelve. Day or night, she didn’t know. She didn’t know how she could possibly wait fifteen minutes without going insane.

 

Biting her lip, she brought her fingers to Kakashi’s throat, feeling for his pulse. Patients didn’t usually die before the sixth or seventh minute, and it’d only been one, if that, but she couldn’t stop herself. His pulse was still there, though weak -- or was it? Sakura couldn’t tell what signs she was imagining and which she weren’t. 

 

When she looked up at the clock again, the long hand was ticking over the ten. Sakura gasped and checked Kakashi’s pulse for the hundredth time -- she hadn’t removed her fingers all along, in fact -- and panicked to find his heart rate was slowing still.

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura whispered. “Kakashi.”

 

Right then, she realized his breath wasn’t tickling her forehead anymore.

 

“Kakashi, Kakashi,” Sakura repeated frantically. “What did I do? Kakashi!”

 

“Breathe.”

 

It was only a whisper, barely audible, but Kakashi had spoken to her. Unsure if she had simply lost it or truly heard it, Sakura checked his pulse again and hovered her palm over his lips to feel his breath. Kakashi’s hand reached to grab her wrist. His grip was weak, but it was real.

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura whispered, pressing her forehead to his as tears welled up in her eyes. “You made it -- you made it.”

 

“Did I?” he breathed out, staring up at her through half-lidded eyes, distant. “Am I awake?”

 

“You are,” Sakura cried, wishing she could be a more relaxing sight to wake up to. “You’re alive.”

 

Kakashi exhaled one long breath against her forehead, tickling the skin there again. He squeezed her hand, pressing it to his cheek. “They really don’t want us on that side, Sakura.”

 

Sakura let out a nervous and smiled. “I guess we don’t have a choice, huh?”

 

Kakashi shook his head slowly, almost lazily. They lied there for a moment -- Sakura didn’t think to check the clock again -- simply staring into each other’s eyes, Sakura’s chest rising and falling too quickly while Kakashi’s rise and fall was too slow.

 

“Sakura,” he called. Sakura blinked away the tears and searched his eyes, finding that they were less distant. His mind mustn’t be as foggy, already. “I made a promise.”

 

“Yes, you did -- “

 

“No, another promise,” Kakashi interrupted. He let go of her hand to cup her cheek, inching closer until their lips almost brushed. “I promised I’d tell you what you wanted to hear.”

 

“Kakashi,” Sakura said quickly, frowning. “There’s no need for that -- I don’t care, not now.”

 

“I do,” he whispered. “I promised I’d tell you I love you.”

 

“People say that  before dying usually,” Sakura chuckled, trembling under his fingers. “So they don’t take their feelings to the grave, you know.”

 

“I didn’t want to tell you then,” Kakashi said, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “In case you didn’t follow through. I didn’t want you to regret.”

 

“Why now?” Sakura breathed out. She laid her palm above his, tangling her fingers with his. “What changed?”

 

“I promised I’d stay on this side.” Kakashi brushed his lips against hers, just barely. “If I have to stay here, then I had to tell you. I can’t stop hating myself over it until I tell you.”

 

“You never  had to hate yourself over -- “

 

“I did,” Kakashi said quickly. “I hated myself for loving you when you were too young to be loved by me -- “

 

“Stop giving a shit about what others say about it,” Sakura growled, running his fingers in his hair only to pull at it. He winced, but smiled, a hint of playfulness in his eyes. “About everything. It wasn’t wrong -- not for us. Never.”

 

“I was afraid I’d ruin you, too,” Kakashi whispered. “I did anyway.”

 

“Of course you did,” Sakura muttered against his lips. “You ruin everything you touch. Even Mr. Ukki could only survive you a few years. It’s a miracle it didn’t wilt the moment we gave it to you.”

 

Kakashi chuckled. Sakura was ready to keep ranting, but he silenced her with a kiss before she could. Sakura sighed into his mouth, throwing one arm over his neck as she pressed her body to his. 

 

“That’s it?” Sakura whispered. “We’re the happy ever after couple now?”

 

Kakashi knew how she loathed those stories; his smile only proved it. “I don’t know,”  he said. “We’ll see what comes tomorrow.”

 

“Just kiss me, will you,” Sakura growled, and Kakashi obeyed promptly.

 

“You didn’t even say it,” Kakashi chastised, smiling against her lips. 

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“I love you, Sakura,” Kakashi repeated when she tried to steal another kiss. “It does matter.”

 

“I love you too, Kakashi.” Sakura frowned and tugged on his hair. Kakashi winced and leaned towards her hand. “You asshole.”

 

“You’ve become such a potty mouth, Sakura,” Kakashi said, his cheerful voice rearing its ugly head. “Where did you pick that -- ow, Sakura!”

 

Sakura smirked, smug. “Don’t make me angry now.”

 

“Fine,” Kakashi huffed, pulling her tighter in his arms. “How long do you think we have before someone comes barging in?”

 

“I don’t know.” Sakura shrugged, pressing her cheek against his breast. “Why?”

 

“I should probably go tell them you’re awake.”

 

“No way.” She fisted her hands in the back of his shirt, ready for a fight if he tried to get out of bed. “I’ll postpone the interrogation as long as I can.”

 

Kakashi hummed into her hair, staying right where she wanted him. 

 

“By the way, Kakashi,” Sakura whispered. “There’s something else I didn’t tell you.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“I’m going to be Hokage in a few days.” 

 

Sakura pulled away to watch his reaction, all too satisfied when his eyes went round. Then, his eyebrows bunched together. “They skipped me over, this time?”

 

“At Shishou’s request.” Sakura nodded. “I wonder how everyone will react.”

 

“Weren’t you telling just a minute ago to stop giving a shit about what they all thought?” Kakashi teased, stealing a quick kiss. 

 

“Shut up,” Sakura growled into his mouth. “Think we can still take a quick nap?”

 

“Probably.” Kakashi shrugged. “I think they think they’d find us in a, ah,  embarrassing  position if they checked on us.”

 

“Good,” Sakura whispered. “I could sleep for a week straight.”

 

Sakura rolled onto her other side and Kakashi pulled her up against him, cuddling just the way he knew soothed her best. Her hair would always bother him, tickling his chin and cheek, but he never said a word. Instead, he’d brush it away every few minutes until he finally fell asleep, too.

 

“Let’s do that just that, then.”

 

“They’ll wake us before, you know -- “

 

“Shh,” Kakashi wrapped one arm around her torso, finding her hand next to her cheek. “Just sleep.”

 

Sakura sighed, her body relaxing against Kakashi’s. “Okay.”

 

...xxx...xxx...xxx…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!


End file.
